We have plans, Jim Berger and I.
To go out in public and do something. Together.
I realize I should probably cut my losses. Get out while I still can. Go out to a bar and hit on bloated frat boys or douchey hipsters.
Every time I realize this, I get another cute email. Have another fun conversation about Henry Darger or living in France. Smile yet again at something funny one of us said. Have two more hours of drunk texts (happened again last night).
The invitation unfolded organically. We were emailing back and forth yesterday: he was at work, I was running around doing errands after dance class.
He mentioned wanting to see a show. I said I was planning on going, which was true, if he wanted to join.
His words: "I'm in."
It's not for three weeks. I fully realize he could flake out on me before then.
Because Jim Berger is kind of a flake. I realize this. I know I shouldn't invest a lot of emotion in something that will likely go nowhere.
However.
He is cute. He is easy to talk to. He is there. He is making difficult workdays easier, just by being himself.
And right now, that is good enough for me.
Hi Doris,
ReplyDeleteI am excited to see how this goes! Yes, it is a sticky situation but you both seem to have a lot in common, so what the hell?
So...I know this isn't a help column, but after reading this blog for a few months now, I was inspired to join Match (some of my friends are on it and have met some nice people, so I figured it was worth a shot). Anyways, I was hoping you could offer some advice since you are an expert now ;)
How do you politely decline a second or third date after meeting someone? I know you guys are in a pretty large city, but I live in a smaller one and the liklihood of running into them again or having mutual friends can be high. I have always been bad at saying no and hate hurting people's feelings... Any advice on how to make it less awkward?
Thanks! :) Annemarie
Hi Annemarie!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading the blog and for your kind words. The “we have stuff in common, so what the hell?” is the exact attitude I’m trying to adopt.
And I’m so happy our dating (mis)adventures have inspired you to put yourself out there! To use an antiquated catchphrase: you go girl!
Ah, saying no to the second/third date. I must admit I haven’t quite mastered this yet. I really believe that as women, we are conditioned to be nice and not have anyone get mad at us. I also worry sometimes that if I turn down a second/third date, I might be missing out on something. This attitude has led to some awkward second dates.
What Rock likes to say is something like, “it was really nice meeting you, unfortunately the energy just wasn’t there for me.” I like that. It’s polite, hopefully it’s somewhat truthful (although the “nice meeting you” part can be a stretch), but it lets the guy know where you stand.
And if they don’t take no for an answer, block their asses or firmly say “don’t call me again.” I’ve had to do this too.
Rock, any thoughts?
Thanks Doris! I will try the "lack of energy" response and see how it goes. Its worth a shot I guess!
ReplyDelete:) Annemarie
I don't really think you owe someone much after a few dates, but if they're pressing for another, yeah I just go with, "I had a good time, but the energy on my end is just more platonic than anything else."
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ReplyDelete