To Branch Out or Not to Branch Out, by Doris

Okay, I lied. Rock and I didn't get married. April Fool!

What I wasn't foolin' about, though, was my frustration with OKCupid. Four months on it and I keep getting the same dudes, over and over. It's a little discouraging. Are my tastes really that limited?

So I'm thinking (just thinking) of branching out. I don't want to pay through the nose, and I already know some of the sites are not right for me. Match.com, definitely not. eHarmony, hell to the no. A friend is now on chemistry.com and hasn't had a great experience. As I am not a gay man, Connexion is out.

Nerve.com looks kinda promising, as do a couple of other sites.

So daters and datees, any advice? Have you had good/bad experiences with any of the above or any I may have missed? Leave a comment!

St. Patty's Date, by Rock

So there's been this guy on Connexion that has looked pretty promising. We had been emailing back and forth for a while, and eventually it was decided that we would meet up. Currently getting his MBA at a college in a very near-by suburb, he seemed to have a wit about him that I enjoyed. He teased me about my admission of my love of board games on my profile, saying that he enjoyed them as well, but would be too embarrassed to put it on a dating profile. So when it was established that we would meet, I suggested the same board game bar that I had my first date with 2.0 at.

I almost had a heart attack when he almost picked the same table that 2.0 and I sat at both times we were there. Luckily he swerved to a different one farther away from the door.

We talked and he kicked my ass at Scrabble over two beers. He seemed to completely be my type and we seemed to be having a good enough time. Conversation was flowing well and I thought that I may be on to something. In fact I even texted Doris that this bar might be the lucky place for first dates.

We decided to go get food and things went a little downhill. We live our lives pretty differently, and I don't think they would mesh super well. There were a few dead spaces in our conversation. He had gotten a text that 30 Rock was amazing so after dinner I suggested we go to my place and watch it.

We watched it and it was amazing. The date was reaching that point where if I wanted it to go somewhere I would ask him to leave and plan a date number two or if I didn't want to see him again I could have some mediocre-to-amazing fooling around time. Which I needed. So we started making out and it migrated to the bed and it was pretty good not great. Of course, first date, so no home runs for anyone.

Lying there afterward, I realized two things. I felt no intimacy with this man. I wasn't sure if I just didn't want it with him or didn't want it with anybody.

Since very few people who read this know me, few people will understand the magnitude of me not wanting to find love and be close to someone right now. Let me explain this in a way that every woman and gay man will understand.

I am a Charlotte.

I am. I always have been. Optimistic and in love with love.

And now I feel very Miranda-ish, and I don't think it suits me.

I had a dream last night that brings me to tears to type about. 2.0 and I were walking through a park at night talking about how it didn't work out and how we missed each other. He said he regretted the break-up, but didn't want to get back together on principle. I kissed him. At first he resisted then, then he gave in and we shared this incredible moment on a bench under a tree and the stars.

Then I woke up next to this guy, to rub salt in the wound.

I did something stupid and emailed 2.0 this morning. Just a "Was at last night with friends and thought of you. Hope you're well." It was stupid and transparent, but what can you do? Sometimes I need to put myself in a position to get hurt again so I remember the initial hurt.

I don't know why I miss 2.0. The sex was eh. He was distant and not so great the second month we were dating. I would give him a second chance, but he'd be on thin ice for the longest time and it would almost surely not work out.

I think more than mourning the end of our relationship, I've been mourning the death of Charlotte inside me. I miss how excited and optimistic I used to get. Now I'm so sure it won't work out, that I'll get hurt.

I keep saying I need a little me time, that I need to lay off the dates for a while. Yet, I still keep setting them up and going on them. Even in my retreating emotional state, I'm still afraid that if I'm not out there I'll miss out on something great.

This song kept going through my head last night as I couldn't sleep.

Disabled, not Deleted, by Rock

Happy Holidays to the six of you that read this!

2.0 and I both went to our respective families for the holiday, but we talked on the phone and texted. We both got back on Sunday, and when I didn't have to go to work, he invited me out to have a few drinks with him and his oldest friend.

I was a little nervous about winning over this straight, opinionated guy that I had heard so many stories about, but we all seemed to have a good time. 2.0 and I are sliding into that couple role very nicely. When his friend was in the bathroom, we remarked to each other that every time we see each other it just feels better and better, when according to the time before seemed impossible (sorry for your gag reflexes).

Which brings me to the heart of this post. I just got on Connexion and marked myself as "Exclusively Dating." I just got on OKCupid and disabled my account. It will still be there in all its glory should I choose to sign in again, but I was tired of getting messages from guys, especially the guys that I would maybe be interested in if I was single, and feeling no desire to write them back. I'm investing myself for the time being in this. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but this is where I am now and it's unfair to anyone looking at my profile to think otherwise.

Of course, the time I log in to disable the account, 2.0 finally pops up as a suggested match.

Speaking of, I really don't care if he disables his account or not. I won't be checking in on him. I don't think I'm ready for the "boyfriend" talk. This is just where I'm at now. This one is about me.

A first date, by Rock

So needless to say, even though I just signed up for OKCupid two nights ago, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have a few other sticks in the fire (that's a saying, right? I'm a few drinks in.). I've been talking to guys in this city on a few other sites (Gays, I can't say enough good things about Connexion: it's like gay facebook) and even had a few dates. And I've only been back since the middle of November. I'll take my bow now.

One of the guys I had been talking to is 2.0. We're calling him 2.0 because he has the same semi-unusual first name as one of my ex-boyfriends, so I've already been referring to him as 2.0 to my friends. This is not a stretch.

After reading 2.0's profile, still 2,000 miles away in my old apartment, he was so ideal on paper that I went to bookmark him so I could say hi once I lived here and wouldn't appear crazy. Of course, I hit "add as friend" instead. Connexion doesn't confirm that you want to request someone as a friend, so I had to send him a message explaining the situation.

Someway, somehow, he was able to laugh it off and we started exchan

ging messages. It was different though than how messages usually happen on online dating sites. Nonexistent were the short little messages. Instead, when I heard from 2.0, I would get a full letter with paragraphs and salutations and the works. Granted, I would often wait a week between messages during which I had given up hope of something happening (which is fine. That's part of the deal with online dating), but when I got a message from 2.0 it was definitely a treat.

I don't know if he won me over when he told me about how he was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for his family this year or when he quoted a line from one of my favorite books as a conversation starter. All I knew was that I had to meet him.

And last night we met. We met at a bar and played board games all night. We met at 8p and left after 1a. It was a marathon of Connect 4, Scrabble, Subjective Guess Who, Yahtzee, and Uno. We traded stories of growing up. It turns out that underneath his jockish exterior, there's a dork that likes the same geeky TV shows and comic books that I do.

(I realize that Dawn is in this picture so I apologize, but Riley is in there as well so suck it and enjoy it.)

I was falling fast.

Around 11p, I had had quite a few beers and I suggested that we could either stay or he could come back to my place and watch Community (he had never seen it). He laughed and said no. It's a rule for him. I quickly explained that I only meant to watch TV (Seriously, I would have had no problem asking him back to make out or to do it if that was on my agenda. It wasn't.). But it was fine. We moved on. We stayed and played games for another two hours. I'm still a little self-conscious about the fact that I even asked, but I'm trying not to be. Clearly we were still having a good time. We were on different pages about acceptable first date behavior, but on the same page about our differences. How's that for convoluted writing?

No kiss good-bye (that's awkward in front of a cab driver), but some hand holding and plans for Friday, when by chance he's going to meet Doris.

I think I'm most proud, however, about today when instead of texting him or emailing him regarding tomorrow's plans I called him and we had a fantastically not-awkward five-minute conversation on the phone.

Trying not to get too excited, but this one seems good. I rarely have a first date that lasts so long or I enjoy so much. It was totally worth the massive hangover I've had all day.