It's Like the Plot of 42nd Street Is Happening in My Mind, by Rock

So this new med student that I've been texting with is looking pretty promising. Everything that we've talked about seems spot-on and he's only made one spelling mistake (here instead of hear). We had a great conversation yesterday (well as great as one can be via text) about how so many guys are "extremes" (I only have straight friends. I only have gay friends. I only hang out at straight bars. I only hang out at gay bars. I only want to go out. I only want to stay in.) and it's almost harder to be middle of the road. He flat out said he was short and asked if I realized that and would have a problem with it. I told him I would only have a problem if he had issues with it. If he had the confidence to measure up, then no worries (I think that's the case).

I really wish we could just meet and get it over with. These expectations just keep building, and I know how I get when a guy seems pretty good on paper and I want to be in a relationship (cough, cough, 2.0, cough, cough). Yet as much as I don't want to be that naive, young ingénue that has his mind made up before meeting the guy, I also don't want to be that bitter, old queen that's trying to figure out everything that is wrong with the guy. I am trying extremely hard (and succeeding, I believe) at balancing the "cautiously" and "optimistic." It is what it is, I'll meet him when I meet him, and until then life goes on. I'm really not even thinking about this as much as this post makes it seem like I am. Just bragging I guess about how I'm handling it.

I suggested that he call me today on a study break so we can chat. I really just want to hear the sound of his voice, but it'll also be a little closer to actually meeting and we can both get a better read on things.

Remember that guy that Doris and I met out like a month ago? Me neither really. But he was out again last night and we might actually get coffee for real. I don't think we're compatible enough, but I wouldn't mind seeing him sober to figure it out.

One and Done: A Date, by Doris

(Image via Natalie Dee.)

On Thursday, December 30, I began a new life as a dater. (A woman who dates? A person who dates? Whatever.)

If you've been following the saga of Rivers-a-like, you know that I was primarily regarding my first OKCupid real-life in-person date as a warm-up. After all, the guy lives in the suburbs and I don't have a car. On a deeper level, I thought he was nice. That's it. Not super-duper, oh my God you're turning my crank and I can't wait to meet you hot, just nice.

Basically, I wasn't expecting a lot.

And that turned out to be a good thing.

He didn't do anything seriously wrong. He was a few minutes late, but I was slightly less late so that wasn't a big deal. The conversation--mainly revolving around our favorite bands and our mutual love of Chicago--flowed easily with maybe one awkward pause, not bad for two people who had never previously met face-to-face. He insisted on paying (I'm actually more comfortable going Dutch, but if the guy wants to I'm fine with it).

However.

There were two major reasons that when he wanted to hang out longer, I pretended to receive a text from Rock who was having a major emotional crisis (LIE):

1. I wasn't attracted to him. At all. This isn't to say he wasn't an attractive person. He had all the right ingredients: brown hair, glasses, nice face. It just didn't appeal to me.

2. Here's the big thing. I know I said in a previous post that he moved home for financial reasons and I didn't want to hold it against him. People's choices are their own.

That said, I think my issue with the suburbs thing goes deeper. See, when I moved back to the city after several years away, I had a job. Exactly two months later, I lost this job. I knew deep in my heart that the city was home to me, and I didn't want to leave again.

So I found a way to make it work. I temped. I worked retail for a while. I participated in paid market research studies I found on Craigslist. I worked out a cheaper payment plan on my student loans. I did a lot of free things and I wasn't stupid with money. Eventually, I found a full-time job.

I wanted to live here, so I found a way.

The fact that Rivers-a-like has moved back to the suburbs from the city not one but two times, makes me think this time he's not coming back.

From what I can see, he'll get a promotion at his job (also in the burbs), meet a nice girl, buy a house and settle down, with the occasional urban jaunt that becomes even more occasional as the years go by.

That's fine. His choices. His life.

It just doesn't jibe with mine.

One more thing, dudes: if a girl says she wants to meet for coffee or drinks, she means coffee or drinks. She does not mean dinner. "Coffee," "drinks" and "dinner" are words very distinguishable from one another. Read your gotdamn messages, please.

Last thing, I promise:

If you want to order an appetizer for yourself, that's cool. If you tell the waiter we are going to share it, please ask me what looks good before ordering. Not only is that a conversation starter, it also takes into account that I may have food allergies and I definitely DO have likes and dislikes. And if you don't ask, don't be surprised when I politely refuse to eat it.

On to date two, with a gentleman to be determined. I'll keep ya posted!

Tapas and Dirty, Rotten, Thieving Gypsies, by Rock

First of all, a big hey-o to our new followers! Thanks for joining us. If we're being awesome or assholes, please let us know in the comments. Also, spread the word if you are liking our adventures.

Secondly, I'm afraid that my posts are going to start getting really annoying. I know there are blogs for STFU, Marrieds and STFU, Parents; is there also a STFU, Gay Guys Who Start Dating Blogs to Chronicle Their Dating Mis-Adventures and Then Find an Amazing Guy Right Off The Bat? Because if there is I'm in danger of being admitted.

I met 2.0 at his place and we went and ate tapas. We went back to his place and cuddled and made out and watched Strangers With Candy. I thought he never looked more adorable than when he was imitating Jerri Blank learning how to read.

We fell asleep on the couch, and before you know it, it's 2a. I was invited to stay. Clothes stayed on. I stayed on first base, only flirting with stealing second. When we woke up, he called in late to work so we could continue to make out.

A few of my friends think it's odd how little we've fooled around. I'm not concerned. It did cross my mind that maybe he's waiting to tell me about some STI, but I really just think he's old-fashioned.

Which is fine. It honestly is. I'll have sex on the first date or I'll have sex on the seventh. I enjoy sex, sex is important, but even with as important as it is, I know we'll get around to it, I know it'll be awesome, and I'm not concerned.

I was thinking about it last night, if clothes came off, it would be a lot of "is this okay?" and "is this too far?" and "how are you doing?" Saving it all for when we're completely ready to not just ready to make it to third but all the way home is going to allow us to completely trust each other and enjoy every second.

I would also like to remind Doris that per our agreement she has two days to go on a date or else we have to go to a straight bar and I have to play wingman. Doris. Get on it.

Smitten, by Rock

On Friday night, 2.0 accompanied me to a performance of Doris's (by the way, Doris rocked the house). It was pretty much, without hyperbole, one of the greatest second dates of my life. I don't want to get into a play-by-play, because that's not what this blog is about, but I will use some bullet points (because who doesn't love bullet points?) to talk about how 2.0 earned his points on Friday evening.

• When work ran late, he took a cab instead of public transportation to get there on time.
• He made more effort than any other guy I've dated that's ever met a friend to get to know a friend (in this case Doris). It wasn't a superficial "I have to impress the fruit fly so I should pretend." He honestly made an effort to get to know her and win her over, which we both appreciated.
• We've both expressed a similar attitude of "I want kids and a dog and a white-picket fence. If things are going to progress, you should want that soon eventually. That being said, we're certainly not going to start looking at surrogates anytime soon. So let's just enjoy this beer and get to know each other."
• He's an excellent kisser. Thank god for first kisses because I was going crazy.
• He made plans for date #3 before date #2 was over.
• We were all discussing OKCupid and he mentioned that last time he signed on they suggested me as a match. This was meant as a cute anecdote, but it also reaffirmed that we're not jumping into anything super quickly here. He still signed in to OKCupid. Yeah, I'd want to lock it down at some point, but we're still getting to know each other. It's nice to know that even though we've admitted things are going well (he mentioned raving to his friends about his amazing first date the other night), we're both still being realistic.

Yes. I am being realistic. I really am into someone, someone who seems to reciprocate on the exact same level (I have a long history of dating guys whom I like more than they like me, and running from guys who like me more than I like them. Did I use "whom" and "who" correctly there?) and I am staying level-headed and realistic. Doris can attest that this has not been one of my strongest suits in the past. When I decide I'm in, I am IN. I am EMOTIONALLY INVESTED.

Usually. I'm really watching myself. I'm keeping myself in check. And you know what? It's fun.

It's fun to let him be the aggressor, the instigator. In the past I'd be so worry that a "catch" was going to get away, but I think I've finally realized that if I have to work super hard at it, he's going to get away eventually anyway. And luckily, I don't have to. We've been meeting in the middle as far as the "pursuing" goes.

A few of my friends have still warned to take things slow, and I will. But there is a feeling of certainty that I've felt only once before this early, a feeling that there is something worthwhile here. Now seeing as how it didn't work out before, it's possible that it's not going to work out again. I realize that. The lesson to learn here is that you KNOW when there's something worth exploring and just because it doesn't happen as much as I'd like it to is not a reason to go on second and third and fourth dates with guys that I don't feel it with.

As per usual, I am a little nervous about this newly dating place. I'm bad at figuring out when we should sleep together, when we should be exclusive, when we should use the "boyfriend" word. I'm bad at figuring it all out because at the end of the day it's not super important to me.

I think I'm handling it better this time though because I finally realize that I deserve someone as great as he appears to be and I hope he is.

(By the way, still answering a few messages on OKCupid. 2.0 is just making me be a heck of a lot pickier.)

A first date, by Rock

So needless to say, even though I just signed up for OKCupid two nights ago, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have a few other sticks in the fire (that's a saying, right? I'm a few drinks in.). I've been talking to guys in this city on a few other sites (Gays, I can't say enough good things about Connexion: it's like gay facebook) and even had a few dates. And I've only been back since the middle of November. I'll take my bow now.

One of the guys I had been talking to is 2.0. We're calling him 2.0 because he has the same semi-unusual first name as one of my ex-boyfriends, so I've already been referring to him as 2.0 to my friends. This is not a stretch.

After reading 2.0's profile, still 2,000 miles away in my old apartment, he was so ideal on paper that I went to bookmark him so I could say hi once I lived here and wouldn't appear crazy. Of course, I hit "add as friend" instead. Connexion doesn't confirm that you want to request someone as a friend, so I had to send him a message explaining the situation.

Someway, somehow, he was able to laugh it off and we started exchan

ging messages. It was different though than how messages usually happen on online dating sites. Nonexistent were the short little messages. Instead, when I heard from 2.0, I would get a full letter with paragraphs and salutations and the works. Granted, I would often wait a week between messages during which I had given up hope of something happening (which is fine. That's part of the deal with online dating), but when I got a message from 2.0 it was definitely a treat.

I don't know if he won me over when he told me about how he was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for his family this year or when he quoted a line from one of my favorite books as a conversation starter. All I knew was that I had to meet him.

And last night we met. We met at a bar and played board games all night. We met at 8p and left after 1a. It was a marathon of Connect 4, Scrabble, Subjective Guess Who, Yahtzee, and Uno. We traded stories of growing up. It turns out that underneath his jockish exterior, there's a dork that likes the same geeky TV shows and comic books that I do.

(I realize that Dawn is in this picture so I apologize, but Riley is in there as well so suck it and enjoy it.)

I was falling fast.

Around 11p, I had had quite a few beers and I suggested that we could either stay or he could come back to my place and watch Community (he had never seen it). He laughed and said no. It's a rule for him. I quickly explained that I only meant to watch TV (Seriously, I would have had no problem asking him back to make out or to do it if that was on my agenda. It wasn't.). But it was fine. We moved on. We stayed and played games for another two hours. I'm still a little self-conscious about the fact that I even asked, but I'm trying not to be. Clearly we were still having a good time. We were on different pages about acceptable first date behavior, but on the same page about our differences. How's that for convoluted writing?

No kiss good-bye (that's awkward in front of a cab driver), but some hand holding and plans for Friday, when by chance he's going to meet Doris.

I think I'm most proud, however, about today when instead of texting him or emailing him regarding tomorrow's plans I called him and we had a fantastically not-awkward five-minute conversation on the phone.

Trying not to get too excited, but this one seems good. I rarely have a first date that lasts so long or I enjoy so much. It was totally worth the massive hangover I've had all day.

My first real blog post since Live Journal, by Rock

About Me:

It's not hard for me to find a date. Not to sound like an asshole, but facts are facts. I'm a pretty good-looking and somewhat charming gay man in his mid-twenties in a large metropolitan area. If I want to go on a date this Saturday, I can find someone online or in a bar that will want to go out this Saturday.

Some people dread first dates; I love them. I love the excitement, the nervousness, the getting-to-know-you's, the “so what was your high school like?”s.

Yet for all the dates I go on, relationships don't happen very often. And when they do, it's often a rocky road getting there. I'm great on a first date. I'm a great boyfriend. That month or so in between where you know there's a connection but you're still getting to know someone without showing all your cards? That's pretty rough for me.

And the relationships that have happened? There's only been one where I honestly thought I could spend the rest of my life with him. Even the guy I lived with during college, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be “forever.” Rest assured that the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with completely broke my heart. But lesson learned. Don't date college students when you're looking long-term. Especially college students about to leave to study abroad for a semester.

Another thing you should know: I went to college in this wonderful city I live in, but I've spent the past three years somewhere else. Didn't really feel at home there, so now I'm back in a place that I love. I have a few friends left over from college, but I'm also in the process of building a new life and forming a new social group. So that'll be fun.

What I'm Looking For:

I think my friends would all agree I tend to date down, at least for the first few dates before I realize that I can probably do better and have to have the awkward “I think we're a good match, but not a perfect match” talk. So my goal for this experiment is to break that pattern. I want to learn how to say after the first date, “I'm flattered, but I just wasn't feeling it.” I also want to learn to be okay being rejected by this theorized “better catch” that I'm seeking. I'd rather not make it to date #2 with a 10 then make it to date #4 with an 6. That makes sense, right?

But I'm looking for someone with drive and ambition. Someone that doesn't have to be at a gay bar to have a good time, but also doesn't have a vendetta against gay bars. Someone who reads books and watches television. Someone who goes to baseball games and musicals.

I'm looking for Daddy material. I want to settle down. I want kids eventually.

I'm looking for my Amazing Race partner. Shouldn't be too hard to find, right?