He has an evil ex as well, by Rock

First of all, Doris is on vacation with her family. She is alive and well, she drunk dialed me at 4:30a last night, but that explains her lack of updates. Hopefully she has found at least one guy to stick her tongue down while out on the town with her sister.

This weekend was an interesting one for me. If I was not at work, I was with 2.0. A lot of it was sleeping. I also did an IKEA run with him since I have a car and he doesn't. We had a fun date night. It's all been really good. It's definitely transitioned from "dating" to a "relationship." It's implicit that we want to see each other when we can, and when I'm surprised that after the IKEA trip he wants to buy me lunch and then even more surprised when he wants to take a nap with me before I go to work, maybe I shouldn't be anymore. Maybe I should give him the gift of respecting his feelings for me.

For a hot second I was trying to push a little too much affection. A lot of his stories about boys in the past end with "and then I decided we would work better as friends." I decided to get all nervous that we were headed in that direction, but then I calmed the fuck down. If that happens, it'll happen. It'll have nothing to do with the fact that it's happened before. I've made that realization with plenty of guys before as well. I realized how nice it feels to have fallen in this relationship zone and it feels good. That's enough comfort.

Last night I was at work and he texted me to ask when I would be done. I immediately knew that something was wrong. I thought it was awesome that I knew it wasn't about me or "us" at all, but something external. I said I was at work for a while, but asked if everything was okay. He said that it was, and we said our good nights.

We talked today to catch up and he brought up what was going on. Apparently an ex and his ex's mother are going to be in town and his ex wants the three of them to have dinner. This is his big one, the one that broke his heart and got away. His equivalent of EE#5, except his might have been a bigger douchebag about it. Anyway, he wanted to make sure it was okay and kind of talk it out. He wasn't even sure he wanted to see him. His ex knew about me of course. They had a buffer since his ex's mom was going to be there...

I am happy to report that I handled this like an AMAZING boyfriend. I told him I was fully supportive of whatever was best for him. I talked about the closure I felt after a lunch with EE#5. I told him of course trust wasn't even an issue and I knew he was happy with me. I made it sound like not a big deal at all (which it really isn't), as far as I was concerned, that he should do what was best for him: he was under no obligation to have dinner if he didn't want to, but if he thought it would be beneficial for him, then he should definitely do it.

The fact that he was even "asking" permission showed me that there were some residual feelings (He's friends with a few other exes, and has never asked permission to hang out with them. He's just seeing his friend. I'm never worried.). There's no way of asking if these feelings are of love or anger. I'm sure it's a combination of both. He admitted that if he goes (which it looks like he will), that it'll be because he's looking for closure. Which I hope he gets.

I'll be a little nervous on Wednesday, but it'll be for him, not for us. We're solid.

I'm sandwiching his Wednesday night with his Evil Ex with Tuesday and Thursday plans with me. Remind him how great he's got it now. Sometimes passive aggressiveness can be used for good!

But in all seriousness, it's almost nice to see him a little shaky about something. It reminds me that he's human, and it makes him all the more endearing.

What I Want, You Got (Hopefully), by Doris

The other night, a commenter on one of my favorite websites, Jezebel, recommended that those looking for love do the following: write down exactly what they want in a partner, being as specific as possible, to put it out in the universe.

(Because Jez sometimes reads my mind, they posted this a couple days ago. The comments are a lot of fun.)

As this is the New Year and I'm looking to change my dating habits (hell, ESTABLISH some dating habits), I thought I'd take this advice.

So without further ado, UNIVERSE, here is what Doris is looking for in a dude:

1. Relatively my age, or an over/under of about five years.
2. Someone I want to have sex with, like all the time. Even if I don't act on it, I want to want to.
3. Someone who wants to have sex with me, like all the time. Even if he doesn't act on it, he wants to.
4. Passionate about something. Music, acting, writing, tattoo artistry, I don't care. It doesn't have to be his livelihood, but it has to be an aspect of his life that makes him clutch his heart he loves it so. As long as said passion is not illegal, racist, perverse or Republican, I'm down. Notice I didn't exclude sports. I personally don't get team fanaticism, but I thought Fever Pitch was a really cute movie.
5. Wants to be healthy and live a long, balanced life. (My dad's side of the family is largely very UNhealthy, so this is a priority for me.)
6. With that in mind, enjoys good food, good alcohol, and a good night of camping in front of the TV. This is where balance comes in.
7. Knows how to cook, and cooks.
8. Ambitious, but with good intentions.
9. Has an interesting job that contributes something positive to the world.
10. Reads. Classics, sci fi, graphic novels, magazines, I don't care. Bonus if he has reading material in the bathroom.
11. Likes to talk, but also likes to listen. Is gifted at both.
12. Has a cool group of friends I get along with. Bonus points if some of the friends are gay.
13. Speaking of, MUST MUST MUST be accepting of others, no matter what color, creed or sexual orientation. Rock is my very best friend. Rock is not going anywhere.
14. Gets along with my friends. Doesn't have to be super buddy buddy with them, but acknowledges and respects their very prominent place in my life.
15. Is content to meet and get to know people. Isn't rushing to acquire the marriage/children/dog/white picket fence combo. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not for me.
16. Most importantly, realizes I have a life of my own, one that I love and cherish, one that I had way before I met him. Knows he has an important place in this life, but he alone does not make up this life. In other words, respects my identity as an independent woman.

Basically, UNIVERSE, I want Cal Morrisey from Jennifer Crusie's pitch-perfectly fabulous romantic comedy novel Bet Me. Have you read that, UNIVERSE? You should right now. Cal is phenomenal. He fights dyslexia every day as a successful business owner. He has a fantastic group of friends, gay and straight. He dotes on his eight-year-old nephew, but doesn't want kids of his own. He's witty but not pompous. He can cook. He's handsome. He has his faults but by the end of the novel is self-aware and humble. He likes a lady with curves. He likes sex and eating food with said lady.

In short, Cal ROCKS.

UNIVERSE, I want a dude just like him. Ya listening?

Do you have a checklist? Any dealbreakers? Leave a comment!