Monday, April 18, 2011

Catholic Guilt, by Doris

I was baptized Catholic and went to parochial school from kindergarten to twelfth grade. Now I only go to Mass when I'm with my family because it makes them happy.

Yet Catholic guilt is a bitch to let go. And believe me, I've tried.

Last night I met up with The Hair at this really cool bar in his neighborhood that I've always wanted to try. The bar did not disappoint. Neither did the conversation, which was really fun and not at all one-sided and ranged from conservative family values to why e-readers are so awesome.

I wish, wish, wish I could feel something for this guy. I don't. Hence the Catholic guilt.

Really, I shouldn't have gone on this date at all. I know with the second date it's okay to still be figuring things out, but I'd pretty much already decided there would be no third date. I felt mean. At the same time, I didn't want to act distant and be rude.

He had a second drink, but I did not because a) the drinks were expensive, and b) I have a very low tolerance for alcohol and I needed to get up for work the next morning. He asked if I wanted to take a walk in the park, and I politely said no because, again, I had to work the next morning and if public transportation was slow it could take me up to an hour to get home. (Both of these were true. I just didn't mention that I've happily stayed out late on weeknights before.)

Oh, and he paid and didn't make a big deal out of it, which made me feel worse.

Outside the bar, I think he wanted to go for a kiss, but I gave him a hug instead. Again, I feel mean. But I think it would be meaner to lead him on.

Rock says this is part of the game, and I get that. This is just the first guy I've gone out with where I genuinely wish I could feel something.

3 comments:

  1. Don't feel bad if you didn't feel anything for him. You can't really control how you feel (or don't feel) about a person; it just happens. If you really don't want to go out with him again, then you don't have to; it's better for both of you to figure out what you want and don't want sooner rather than later.

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  2. Thanks, NW. (And sorry for the spacing issues—I’ve tried to correct them multiple times, but Blogger is being stupid.)

    I haven’t heard from him, but then again it’s been less than a day. I am thinking he got the message. However, straight guys can be clueless about that kind of thing. If he asks me out again, he’s going to get the “it was really great meeting you, unfortunately the energy just isn’t there for me” speech.

    I know I can’t force my own feelings. This is just a case where I wish I could.

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  3. Yeah it sucks but you'll be over it soon if you're not already. Those are just the people that you're supposed to be friends with.

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