At a concert. 2.0 sighting. No eye contact yet. Details to follow.

Speak for Someone You Don't Know, by Doris

So I think Jim Berger's a no-go.

I've had the feeling this whole week that it's shit or get off the pot time. Quite honestly, I'm tired of going back and forth. In an ideal world, I'd wait until his ex-girlfriend left the office in two weeks, but a) that feels really, really calculated, and b) I've never been good at waiting.

Let me stress first that it's FINE. I'm FINE. Some interactions don't go outside the office, for whatever reason. I'm a grown-up. I can handle it.

I had a really shitty morning yesterday. Nothing major, just a little inconvenience that became a big one. As someone who struggled with a bout of depression this past year, I try to be extra aware of these times of stress, so I can do things to improve my mood rather than stew in my own pissed-off juices, the latter of which is unproductive and unhealthy.

So I texted a friend and made a plan to see a movie the next night. (Turns out she was having a bad morning too.) And then, I emailed Jim and asked if he wanted to have a drink with me.

This last part, I had figured out with Rock. It sounded informal and off the cuff enough, but I had to remember not to take it personally if he was busy. As Rock reminded me, my own schedule is crazy and 90% of the time when someone asks me to hang out in a matter of hours, I have something else going already.

So he said no, he was baby-sitting and had a deadline.

I emailed back no worries, I know how crazy schedules can be. Should we plan for another time?

Haven't heard back.

And I'm done.

Again, it's FINE. I'm not mad. I'm maybe a little hurt, but whatever. It would have been nice to hang out even as friends but maybe he is not comfortable with that, and he has every right to his feelings.

Here's the thing, though:

I think he's still hung up on his ex.

DISCLAIMER: This is pure, unadulterated speculation on my part. I wasn't in that relationship. I don't know the circumstances. What follows is all personal theory, based on how I've seen them interact and what I know about exes.

Don't get me wrong, I believe exes can be friends. I think it's terrific when they can. I also applaud Jim Berger and his ex for always, always keeping it professional in the office, both when they were together and when they split up. Especially when the breakup was happening, you would have never known it was going on. Good for them.

I don't think his ex is intentionally leading him on...I know my friend, and I don't think she'd do that. I'm sure she thinks they really are good friends (and again, maybe they are, in which case he is a highly evolved straight man).

But...I know straight men. I know of ex friendships. Even Dan Savage, who is good friends with a couple of his exes, says that it's almost necessary to have a period where you don't hang out or even speak (and again, I acknowledge this is almost impossible for them in a small office environment).

If two exes are good friends immediately after the breakup, it poses one of two questions: a) are they still sleeping together?, or b) is one hoping to get back with the other?

She's moved on, so I'm almost certain it's not a). And here's the thing about straight guys (which I've experienced firsthand)...many of them will hang in there as your "friend" if they think there's potential for something more on the horizon. Just based on what I have witnessed, I would bet that's what Jim Berger was doing.

And I don't hold it against him, but I also don't need that shit.

Again, I'm not excessively bitter. That said, I did want to vent a little bit, and blogs are good for that. So thank you for listening to my rant.

Over and out.

Open Arms and Prison Cells, by Doris

The past few days have been a bit rough, for various reasons. One of the bright spots? None other than Jim Berger.

I really thought we were done emailing, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a cute message from him in my in-box Saturday morning.

And very soon, I am going to take the initiative and step it up.

I had this big come to Jesus moment on Friday night. What the hell have I got to lose? Absolutely nothing.

Especially since his ex just put in her two weeks' notice.

If you've been keeping up with The Story of Jim Berger and His Ex Aka Doris' Friend, you know this was a BIG factor in my moving so slowly. Granted, he could also be hesitant about hooking up with yet another coworker. He could not be into me that way at all.

Or he could be your classic clueless straight guy.

Back in grad school, a friend (a straight guy himself) told me that straight guys can be inherently stupid when it comes to knowing a girl is interested. I remember my friend saying, "The only way I know for sure a girl is interested is if she tells me, and even then I'm like, 'What? You like ME? Really?'"

So I'm slowly starting to step it up a bit.

Yesterday, I invited him to a show Rock and I were attending that night. Now, I wasn't going to be surprised if he said no, because: a) this was really really short notice, b) the show was very late at night, and c) it was a drag show, which isn't exactly a big comfort zone for many straight guys. The invitation was just a casual, natural segue in our email conversation, so I figured why not?

I was pleasantly surprised to not only get a "maybe" (because he was going to be at a dinner party where a lot of alcohol would be served, and he wasn't sure if he'd be up to it by then), but a revelation that Jim Berger himself used to regularly dress in drag with his band.

Which is just badass, and is further proof I want him in my life, even if it's only platonic.

The thing is, I like being the one who's asked. That said, I've dealt with shy/clueless guys before, and I'm not great at waiting. I really don't want to pass up the opportunity for what could be a fun relationship or a great friendship. And I'm talking about sending a text and/or seeing if he wants to see a movie this week. Not sitting outside his apartment singing love songs.

He gave me his number, which in my experience guys don't do if they don't want you contacting them. Could be he is deliberately leaving the ball in my court to see what I will do.

So I'm going to text.

Worst case scenario: he politely rebuffs me, I'm embarrassed for a couple of days, then we move on and everything's back to normal.

Wish me luck.

I Don't Know What's Going On, by Rock

I took a break from all the texting and such with Noah Wyle and just talked to him about once a day if that for a few days. I honestly was about to call him and end it with the old standard speech (I think "we" are good, not great. And I think we both deserve great.) when he was texting about plans for our next date and I decided to go along with it. What's one more night? My plan was that if it went poorly, I would have the talk in person before just heading back to my place alone (I was rooting for us: I wanted to give us one more chance...).

But then he surprised me. He stopped being so reserved. He's still too courteous and polite to a fault, but he at least opened up and was a little candid and not so shy. I found myself enjoying myself.

He had bought tickets to a comedy show that turned out to be really funny, and after he brought up sleeping arrangements. I asked if he minded my place again, and I brought him home with the intention to have a discussion.

Which we started after we got off the bus. I said that I knew it was obvious and sounded silly to articulate, but it would make me feel better if I could just say it out loud. I said that while I was enjoying getting to know him, I needed to own the fact that I was still getting to know him. It was my perception that his mind was a little more made up than mine, and that was okay, but I needed to own that we were still new and figuring things out. He assured me that he had no plans for us to move in together anytime soon. He was still getting to know me as well. He asked if there was anything that sparked this and I said the sexual exclusivity made me a little nervous.

And then he showed some balls.

He owned that we started having sex a little quickly for him, but that was his rule: he didn't like to think about essentially having sex with a bunch of random people he didn't know through the transitive power or whatever. He reminded me that if I wasn't okay with this rule, then we could stop having sex for a while and we could still hang out and wait for when this rule made more sense. I said that it was valid. I gave him credit for even bringing it up with me and having that standard. I said it wasn't really even an issue, I probably wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else anyway but the freedom was important now to make the exclusivity mean more later. And we left it (again) that if it happened it happened, and parties would be informed.

And I thanked him for discussing it with me, and said I felt better. We went home and had good sex for the first time and spent the night together.

The smartest relationship advice I have ever gotten was "Just decide if you want to see him one more time. That's the only decision you have to make right now."After our conversation, I'm okay seeing him again.

Don't get me wrong: I don't think this is the love of my life. But for now it's nice and different and as long as I'm having a good time, why the hell not?

Stop Doing Everything Right, by Doris

During a 20-minute interaction this morning, Jim Berger:

1. Listened to me blather to a coworker about what I liked and didn't like about a film, plus interesting trivia, and didn't seem to think I was a blowhard (plus revealed he once interviewed the film's director).

2. When I mentioned I took dance, said he was a fan of my dance teacher, before knowing she was my teacher.

3. Asked me how I liked the British costume drama I saw the other night, and admitted to being the only guy in the theatre when he saw it.

Also, after a fairly shitty argument with a friend last night, I checked my email to find a message from him.

I am giggling and singing to myself. Not good.

He gets until the middle of next week to take the initiative, then I'm asking him to hang out.

I can't pass up this opportunity, even if it just turns out to be friendship. It's really tough to initiate a platonic deal with a straight guy when he's just started a new relationship. New girlfriends tend not to like new girl friends.

Recommendation

The Lover's Dictionary, by David Levithan should be required reading for all.

Dial A for Awkward, by Doris

Last night I finally worked up the nerve to call Hunter Parrish. Rock had told me that email or texting was bad form, and HP didn't have my phone number, so I felt I had no other choice.

Rock, I love ya, but I'm texting or emailing next time.

As I've expressed before, I'm just not good on the phone with people I don't know. That doesn't apply to work situations: I can phone-schmooze with the best of them, when the occasion calls for it, because I have a specific purpose. Even at work, however, I prefer email.

But Hunter Parrish is cute, so I sucked it up and dialed his number.

I prayed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster for voicemail, so I could leave a message with my number and leave the ball in his court. No awkwardness!

And I almost got my wish.

Four rings...

"Hello?"

Shit.

Most. Awkward. Three minutes. Of my life.

I know I keep saying "awkward" and I want to yell at myself to get a thesaurus, but there really is no other word.

Remember, I talked to this guy at a bar for ten minutes. I have no idea what his personality is like. I don't even know whether he gave me his card to get away from me (although I don't think so, generally straight guys don't give you their contact info if they don't want you contacting them).

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is just as dorky on the phone as I am. Also, he was on his break from one of his three jobs and I think I caught him off-guard.

(That said, dude, why didn't you just screen the call? I almost always do that when I don't recognize the number, as does Rock.)

Mercifully, his break ended (at least that's what he said, and I was more than fine with that), but he said he'd call later in the week so we could set up a time to hang out.

Because he now has my number, the ball is in his court.

Honestly, his personality doesn't seem all that great--then again, we've interacted very little. I won't be heartbroken if I never hear from him again.

On the other hand, if I DO hear from him...

I'd totally hit that.

I mean, HE LOOKS LIKE HUNTER PARRISH.