Drunk Texts Part Deux, by Doris

Went out with Rock and the boys on Sunday night. Weather was gorgeous and because of the holiday everyone was out. It was one of those nights where the conversation en route to bar #1 went like this:

Me: I think I'll just have one drink. Maybe two. I'm kinda tired.
Rock: Yeah, I have stuff to do tomorrow. I'll probably go home around 11:30 or midnight.
Me: If this were a TV show, it would cut to us dancing on tables at 2:30 a.m.

Yup. Out till 3.

At bar #2, a couple drinks and two shots in, I wasn't scrape-me-off-the-floor wasted (that came later), but drunk enough to type this out on my phone:

"Drunk text. Hi."

Guess who was the recipient? I'll give you a hint.

JB was at a winding-down barbecue and was also tanked. We proceeded to text for two hours, through getting a ride home from friends/procuring and eating a sub/watching Meet the Press (him) and imbibing more drinks and shots/dancing to Lady Gaga/stumbling to another bar (me).

All with proper spelling, capitalization and punctuation. Proving to me that at least one other person in this world gets more pretentious when they're wasted.

Here's the kicker:

At one point, JB suggested we grab a drink sometime.

I didn't hear from him yesterday and he's not at work today (as I knew he wouldn't be, because he told me on Friday).

I don't know if I should follow up on the drink invitation.

On the one hand, in vino veritas and all that. On the other hand, to paraphrase The Hangover, we all say dumb shit when we're fucked up. Or at least shit we don't mean.

And it's not like he said this out loud. It's in a text. Meaning he can go back and read our conversation, and pursue that opportunity if he wants to. (I didn't say yes or no at the time. Just proceeded with the texting.)

I think it'll be interesting to see how he acts around me tomorrow, and if he even acknowledges Sunday night. I'm not going to be too hard on him if he doesn't. Drunk happens.

Speak for Someone You Don't Know, by Doris

So I think Jim Berger's a no-go.

I've had the feeling this whole week that it's shit or get off the pot time. Quite honestly, I'm tired of going back and forth. In an ideal world, I'd wait until his ex-girlfriend left the office in two weeks, but a) that feels really, really calculated, and b) I've never been good at waiting.

Let me stress first that it's FINE. I'm FINE. Some interactions don't go outside the office, for whatever reason. I'm a grown-up. I can handle it.

I had a really shitty morning yesterday. Nothing major, just a little inconvenience that became a big one. As someone who struggled with a bout of depression this past year, I try to be extra aware of these times of stress, so I can do things to improve my mood rather than stew in my own pissed-off juices, the latter of which is unproductive and unhealthy.

So I texted a friend and made a plan to see a movie the next night. (Turns out she was having a bad morning too.) And then, I emailed Jim and asked if he wanted to have a drink with me.

This last part, I had figured out with Rock. It sounded informal and off the cuff enough, but I had to remember not to take it personally if he was busy. As Rock reminded me, my own schedule is crazy and 90% of the time when someone asks me to hang out in a matter of hours, I have something else going already.

So he said no, he was baby-sitting and had a deadline.

I emailed back no worries, I know how crazy schedules can be. Should we plan for another time?

Haven't heard back.

And I'm done.

Again, it's FINE. I'm not mad. I'm maybe a little hurt, but whatever. It would have been nice to hang out even as friends but maybe he is not comfortable with that, and he has every right to his feelings.

Here's the thing, though:

I think he's still hung up on his ex.

DISCLAIMER: This is pure, unadulterated speculation on my part. I wasn't in that relationship. I don't know the circumstances. What follows is all personal theory, based on how I've seen them interact and what I know about exes.

Don't get me wrong, I believe exes can be friends. I think it's terrific when they can. I also applaud Jim Berger and his ex for always, always keeping it professional in the office, both when they were together and when they split up. Especially when the breakup was happening, you would have never known it was going on. Good for them.

I don't think his ex is intentionally leading him on...I know my friend, and I don't think she'd do that. I'm sure she thinks they really are good friends (and again, maybe they are, in which case he is a highly evolved straight man).

But...I know straight men. I know of ex friendships. Even Dan Savage, who is good friends with a couple of his exes, says that it's almost necessary to have a period where you don't hang out or even speak (and again, I acknowledge this is almost impossible for them in a small office environment).

If two exes are good friends immediately after the breakup, it poses one of two questions: a) are they still sleeping together?, or b) is one hoping to get back with the other?

She's moved on, so I'm almost certain it's not a). And here's the thing about straight guys (which I've experienced firsthand)...many of them will hang in there as your "friend" if they think there's potential for something more on the horizon. Just based on what I have witnessed, I would bet that's what Jim Berger was doing.

And I don't hold it against him, but I also don't need that shit.

Again, I'm not excessively bitter. That said, I did want to vent a little bit, and blogs are good for that. So thank you for listening to my rant.

Over and out.

So Wrong Yet So Right, by Doris

Quick updates:

1. Bonding with a guy over Danny Pudi (comedic genius) via OKCupid messaging. He also correctly guessed the origin of my screen name. Granted, this can be accomplished via Google, but still, points for effort!

2. Trying to arrange a meetup time with Wings. Feels like we've been messaging forever, as I had to take a little break to get some personal stuff in order.

3. This guy sent me a "ur hot" message. Normally that is a dealbreaker. Then I saw his six-pack. I messaged him back.

4. Had a great conversation with a coworker (not Jim Berger) about exes, craving alone time, and hearing your neighbors have sex. Nothing romantic, just fun to bond over stupid dating and relationship stories.

5. Speaking of JB, he sent me a cute email and referred to me as Ms. Doris. MS. Sa-fucking-WOON.

Oh, and this song is playing in the coffee shop and I love it.

Yellow Haired Female Likes Waffles and News, by Doris

So I'm on hookup hiatus for a week or two. I'm moving apartments: within my neighborhood, but still, it's super stressful. And of course there have been some complications and drama with the move. Ugh. I just want to wake up in my new place with all my stuff unpacked: is that too much to ask? I think not!

Haven't heard from The Hair since our last date, making me think he got the hint. I wish him well. He's a nice guy and I'm sure he won't have a problem finding someone who's into him.

With Jim Berger's encouragement, I have started to submit for freelance opportunities. I think about him sometimes when I'm not at work. And please don't yell at me in the comments--I know nothing's going to happen. I'm just at a point where I'm tired of the whole messaging/texting/awkward first dates dance. I really related to last week's Parks and Recreation, where Leslie attempts online dating. Leslie says something like she'd rather have something that wasn't perfect, but that she knew and liked.

Again, I know nothing's going to happen, I know I like it because it's safe and I need to keep putting myself out there. I know all of this.

But I'll own it: sometimes I wish he hadn't dated my friend.

Catholic Guilt, by Doris

I was baptized Catholic and went to parochial school from kindergarten to twelfth grade. Now I only go to Mass when I'm with my family because it makes them happy.

Yet Catholic guilt is a bitch to let go. And believe me, I've tried.

Last night I met up with The Hair at this really cool bar in his neighborhood that I've always wanted to try. The bar did not disappoint. Neither did the conversation, which was really fun and not at all one-sided and ranged from conservative family values to why e-readers are so awesome.

I wish, wish, wish I could feel something for this guy. I don't. Hence the Catholic guilt.

Really, I shouldn't have gone on this date at all. I know with the second date it's okay to still be figuring things out, but I'd pretty much already decided there would be no third date. I felt mean. At the same time, I didn't want to act distant and be rude.

He had a second drink, but I did not because a) the drinks were expensive, and b) I have a very low tolerance for alcohol and I needed to get up for work the next morning. He asked if I wanted to take a walk in the park, and I politely said no because, again, I had to work the next morning and if public transportation was slow it could take me up to an hour to get home. (Both of these were true. I just didn't mention that I've happily stayed out late on weeknights before.)

Oh, and he paid and didn't make a big deal out of it, which made me feel worse.

Outside the bar, I think he wanted to go for a kiss, but I gave him a hug instead. Again, I feel mean. But I think it would be meaner to lead him on.

Rock says this is part of the game, and I get that. This is just the first guy I've gone out with where I genuinely wish I could feel something.

Winning, by Rock

Went to a bar after work with some straight guy friends to watch the game. It was the same bar that Scrubs and I grabbed a drink at, so I invited him to come join us. He did. I had a boy to make out with after the game and a place to stay.

He's still pretty unavailable, busy with school and not looking for anything serious. Still it was good times and if we hung out from time to time I would be okay with that.

Now back to bed. It is early.