Good Luck to You, Making Your Judgments, by Doris

Last night I told a coworker/friend about the Russian's marital status.

Even though it's over, I'm still careful about who I tell, and what I tell them. While it was going on--and remember, because of the holidays we communicated for about a month before we actually met--some of my friends knew I was seeing somebody. Only about four--Rock, my roommate Stan, my sister, and a friend who reads this blog--knew he was married.

Now that it's over, I will tell a few more friends. Many will never know.

It's not that I associate with a bunch of judgmental douchebags. However, more and more of my social circle is getting married. More and more have children. Some are very traditional in their views of relationships. I don't mean anti-gay (because if that's the case, they are not my friends), but I do mean I have a close friend who didn't even like me joking about making out with Joel McHale, because this A-list celebrity who probably wouldn't give me the time of day, is in fact married with two children.

I don't want anyone thinking I'm a homewrecking piece of shit, or that I'm after their spouses, or that I get off on dating married men. First, I would have never let it go that far if I suspected the Russian was lying to his wife. He was full of shit a lot of the time, but was always sincere when it came to his relationship. Second, I'd never pursue the spouse of a friend, even if it were an open relationship situation. That would just be weird for me. Third, though I was intrigued by the open relationship idea, it wasn't the sole reason I dated the Russian. I liked his profile. I was attracted to him. The conversation, both written and spoken, was always good.

Moreover, I don't want anyone pitying me, seeing me as the poor lonely misguided unmarried who is being taken for a ride by a cheater. I knew the score from day one. I wish it could have gone on longer and I would have gotten some closure, but I was never under the impression it was going to be a lasting relationship.

As it happens, my coworker/friend had the perfect reaction:

"I've always thought that it's on the married guy," she said, taking a sip of her beer. "He chose to go outside the marriage. Any fallout in that relationship, it's on him and not the woman."

Yay for non-judgmental friends!