Drunk Texts Part Deux, by Doris

Went out with Rock and the boys on Sunday night. Weather was gorgeous and because of the holiday everyone was out. It was one of those nights where the conversation en route to bar #1 went like this:

Me: I think I'll just have one drink. Maybe two. I'm kinda tired.
Rock: Yeah, I have stuff to do tomorrow. I'll probably go home around 11:30 or midnight.
Me: If this were a TV show, it would cut to us dancing on tables at 2:30 a.m.

Yup. Out till 3.

At bar #2, a couple drinks and two shots in, I wasn't scrape-me-off-the-floor wasted (that came later), but drunk enough to type this out on my phone:

"Drunk text. Hi."

Guess who was the recipient? I'll give you a hint.

JB was at a winding-down barbecue and was also tanked. We proceeded to text for two hours, through getting a ride home from friends/procuring and eating a sub/watching Meet the Press (him) and imbibing more drinks and shots/dancing to Lady Gaga/stumbling to another bar (me).

All with proper spelling, capitalization and punctuation. Proving to me that at least one other person in this world gets more pretentious when they're wasted.

Here's the kicker:

At one point, JB suggested we grab a drink sometime.

I didn't hear from him yesterday and he's not at work today (as I knew he wouldn't be, because he told me on Friday).

I don't know if I should follow up on the drink invitation.

On the one hand, in vino veritas and all that. On the other hand, to paraphrase The Hangover, we all say dumb shit when we're fucked up. Or at least shit we don't mean.

And it's not like he said this out loud. It's in a text. Meaning he can go back and read our conversation, and pursue that opportunity if he wants to. (I didn't say yes or no at the time. Just proceeded with the texting.)

I think it'll be interesting to see how he acts around me tomorrow, and if he even acknowledges Sunday night. I'm not going to be too hard on him if he doesn't. Drunk happens.

Update Past Due, by Rock

My apologies if any of you were on pins and needles (I'm guessing no.). I've been in the process of setting some crazy huge life changes in motion and work has been scheduling me all sorts of hours. This blog had to take a temporary back seat to, well, life, not to sound too over dramatic.

What's been going on.

I've made the decision recently that I will probably be going to graduate school. Though I won't be entering for a while (still have to take the appropriate entrance exam and apply and we're talking fall of 2012), the need for a guy in my life has greatly diminished. I have other things to worry about, spend my money on, and though I would love to stay in this amazing city that I call home, there's a possibility I will have to move away for a few years for school, depending on where I get in. If I am lucky enough to stay here, I don't know if I will want the distraction of a guy in my life.

So where does that bring me? Noah Wyle. I've still been seeing him, though he's currently at home for a week and a half helping his mom recover from surgery. He's definitely the nicest guy I have ever dated, which for better or for worse is not my type. I honestly think we're good, not great together, and I don't know if we have long-term potential. If I were looking for forever, I would probably end it now.

But right now, he's in med school, I'm studying for an asshole test, it's really easy, and it's kind of nice. He's fully aware that I will be entering school who knows where. I'm fully aware he might get his residency in a few years who knows where. Good enough might be enough for right now.

Flipping the figurative coin back over, I don't know how fair that is to him, and I don't know how necessary it is for me to articulate that in order for it to continue. I think I can hold off until he brings up the "boyfriend" word, but we'll see.

So that's where I am on him. Operating firmly on the advice I love: "The only decision you have to make is if you want to see him one more time."

And yes, I saw 2.0 at a concert and yes, I freaked out. I was in line waiting to get in. He passed by with his head down, probably avoiding eye contact, which I happily avoided. I spent most of the concert looking around for him, wondering if a run-in would be cathartic or awful. But it didn't happen. I don't know why this guy bothers me so much.

Then there is EE#5. Still the only guy I was convinced I could spend the rest of my life with. I still am, which is why I need to get the FUCK over him. Saw a facebook status update of his, and it had me waxing poetic and being nostalgic all day. He's still on the west coast. I'm not sure if I'll ever see him again. I wish him well. But ouch. Why can't the hurt go away 100%? Clearly we're not meant to be.

Drunk Text, by Doris

I lied. This is another Jim Berger post (but a short one).

Three emails Friday afternoon and evening.

And then...

I woke up Saturday morning to find this on my phone:

"Drunk text. I do it sometimes too."

Properly spelled and capitalized. AND a callback to a few weeks ago when we exchanged numbers and I said I promised not to drunk text him, as I am wont to do.

A few hours later, I texted: "Coffee. Eggs. Water. Ibuprofen."

Right back at me: "Coffee. V-8. Work. Oy."

And I left it at that.

Don't worry, I'm still strong.

But because I'm all about being honest on the blog I will admit:

It made me smile just a little.

Game Over, Man, by Doris

Last Jim Berger post ever, I swear:

So it's been over a week and no response to my "should we schedule a time to hang out?" email. Yet he's "liked" most of my Facebook posts and of course we've seen each other at work.

If we were in junior high, I could maybe forgive this.

He's 36.

Then this morning, I had to get something from him for our boss. We had a really nice face-to-face conversation. Then he sent me an email. Not acknowledging last week or anything (even though it was the same email thread. Seriously). Just a message related to something we had just discussed.

It's settled: this is a work friendship and nothing more.

Note: I'm almost completely sure he is still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. It's her last day in the office, as she's accepted a position elsewhere. It'll be interesting to see whether he starts communicating with me more once she is gone.

His loss. We have a lot in common and could have had a really nice friendship or friends-with-benefits deal. Hell, I told Rock that I would have been Jim Berger's rebound, as long as he was honest about it.

However, I don't have the time or the energy to decode mixed messages.

All he had to do was respond to last week's email with a "you know, I'm really not comfortable hanging outside of the office right now," or even a noncommittal, "I'll check my schedule and get back to you" if he wanted to let me off easy. If he didn't want to email, there is texting. There is coming to my desk and saying, "can I talk to you for a second?"

But no. There was no response, and a week and a half later it's like it never happened.

Over.

At a concert. 2.0 sighting. No eye contact yet. Details to follow.

Speak for Someone You Don't Know, by Doris

So I think Jim Berger's a no-go.

I've had the feeling this whole week that it's shit or get off the pot time. Quite honestly, I'm tired of going back and forth. In an ideal world, I'd wait until his ex-girlfriend left the office in two weeks, but a) that feels really, really calculated, and b) I've never been good at waiting.

Let me stress first that it's FINE. I'm FINE. Some interactions don't go outside the office, for whatever reason. I'm a grown-up. I can handle it.

I had a really shitty morning yesterday. Nothing major, just a little inconvenience that became a big one. As someone who struggled with a bout of depression this past year, I try to be extra aware of these times of stress, so I can do things to improve my mood rather than stew in my own pissed-off juices, the latter of which is unproductive and unhealthy.

So I texted a friend and made a plan to see a movie the next night. (Turns out she was having a bad morning too.) And then, I emailed Jim and asked if he wanted to have a drink with me.

This last part, I had figured out with Rock. It sounded informal and off the cuff enough, but I had to remember not to take it personally if he was busy. As Rock reminded me, my own schedule is crazy and 90% of the time when someone asks me to hang out in a matter of hours, I have something else going already.

So he said no, he was baby-sitting and had a deadline.

I emailed back no worries, I know how crazy schedules can be. Should we plan for another time?

Haven't heard back.

And I'm done.

Again, it's FINE. I'm not mad. I'm maybe a little hurt, but whatever. It would have been nice to hang out even as friends but maybe he is not comfortable with that, and he has every right to his feelings.

Here's the thing, though:

I think he's still hung up on his ex.

DISCLAIMER: This is pure, unadulterated speculation on my part. I wasn't in that relationship. I don't know the circumstances. What follows is all personal theory, based on how I've seen them interact and what I know about exes.

Don't get me wrong, I believe exes can be friends. I think it's terrific when they can. I also applaud Jim Berger and his ex for always, always keeping it professional in the office, both when they were together and when they split up. Especially when the breakup was happening, you would have never known it was going on. Good for them.

I don't think his ex is intentionally leading him on...I know my friend, and I don't think she'd do that. I'm sure she thinks they really are good friends (and again, maybe they are, in which case he is a highly evolved straight man).

But...I know straight men. I know of ex friendships. Even Dan Savage, who is good friends with a couple of his exes, says that it's almost necessary to have a period where you don't hang out or even speak (and again, I acknowledge this is almost impossible for them in a small office environment).

If two exes are good friends immediately after the breakup, it poses one of two questions: a) are they still sleeping together?, or b) is one hoping to get back with the other?

She's moved on, so I'm almost certain it's not a). And here's the thing about straight guys (which I've experienced firsthand)...many of them will hang in there as your "friend" if they think there's potential for something more on the horizon. Just based on what I have witnessed, I would bet that's what Jim Berger was doing.

And I don't hold it against him, but I also don't need that shit.

Again, I'm not excessively bitter. That said, I did want to vent a little bit, and blogs are good for that. So thank you for listening to my rant.

Over and out.

Open Arms and Prison Cells, by Doris

The past few days have been a bit rough, for various reasons. One of the bright spots? None other than Jim Berger.

I really thought we were done emailing, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a cute message from him in my in-box Saturday morning.

And very soon, I am going to take the initiative and step it up.

I had this big come to Jesus moment on Friday night. What the hell have I got to lose? Absolutely nothing.

Especially since his ex just put in her two weeks' notice.

If you've been keeping up with The Story of Jim Berger and His Ex Aka Doris' Friend, you know this was a BIG factor in my moving so slowly. Granted, he could also be hesitant about hooking up with yet another coworker. He could not be into me that way at all.

Or he could be your classic clueless straight guy.

Back in grad school, a friend (a straight guy himself) told me that straight guys can be inherently stupid when it comes to knowing a girl is interested. I remember my friend saying, "The only way I know for sure a girl is interested is if she tells me, and even then I'm like, 'What? You like ME? Really?'"

So I'm slowly starting to step it up a bit.

Yesterday, I invited him to a show Rock and I were attending that night. Now, I wasn't going to be surprised if he said no, because: a) this was really really short notice, b) the show was very late at night, and c) it was a drag show, which isn't exactly a big comfort zone for many straight guys. The invitation was just a casual, natural segue in our email conversation, so I figured why not?

I was pleasantly surprised to not only get a "maybe" (because he was going to be at a dinner party where a lot of alcohol would be served, and he wasn't sure if he'd be up to it by then), but a revelation that Jim Berger himself used to regularly dress in drag with his band.

Which is just badass, and is further proof I want him in my life, even if it's only platonic.

The thing is, I like being the one who's asked. That said, I've dealt with shy/clueless guys before, and I'm not great at waiting. I really don't want to pass up the opportunity for what could be a fun relationship or a great friendship. And I'm talking about sending a text and/or seeing if he wants to see a movie this week. Not sitting outside his apartment singing love songs.

He gave me his number, which in my experience guys don't do if they don't want you contacting them. Could be he is deliberately leaving the ball in my court to see what I will do.

So I'm going to text.

Worst case scenario: he politely rebuffs me, I'm embarrassed for a couple of days, then we move on and everything's back to normal.

Wish me luck.

I Don't Know What's Going On, by Rock

I took a break from all the texting and such with Noah Wyle and just talked to him about once a day if that for a few days. I honestly was about to call him and end it with the old standard speech (I think "we" are good, not great. And I think we both deserve great.) when he was texting about plans for our next date and I decided to go along with it. What's one more night? My plan was that if it went poorly, I would have the talk in person before just heading back to my place alone (I was rooting for us: I wanted to give us one more chance...).

But then he surprised me. He stopped being so reserved. He's still too courteous and polite to a fault, but he at least opened up and was a little candid and not so shy. I found myself enjoying myself.

He had bought tickets to a comedy show that turned out to be really funny, and after he brought up sleeping arrangements. I asked if he minded my place again, and I brought him home with the intention to have a discussion.

Which we started after we got off the bus. I said that I knew it was obvious and sounded silly to articulate, but it would make me feel better if I could just say it out loud. I said that while I was enjoying getting to know him, I needed to own the fact that I was still getting to know him. It was my perception that his mind was a little more made up than mine, and that was okay, but I needed to own that we were still new and figuring things out. He assured me that he had no plans for us to move in together anytime soon. He was still getting to know me as well. He asked if there was anything that sparked this and I said the sexual exclusivity made me a little nervous.

And then he showed some balls.

He owned that we started having sex a little quickly for him, but that was his rule: he didn't like to think about essentially having sex with a bunch of random people he didn't know through the transitive power or whatever. He reminded me that if I wasn't okay with this rule, then we could stop having sex for a while and we could still hang out and wait for when this rule made more sense. I said that it was valid. I gave him credit for even bringing it up with me and having that standard. I said it wasn't really even an issue, I probably wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else anyway but the freedom was important now to make the exclusivity mean more later. And we left it (again) that if it happened it happened, and parties would be informed.

And I thanked him for discussing it with me, and said I felt better. We went home and had good sex for the first time and spent the night together.

The smartest relationship advice I have ever gotten was "Just decide if you want to see him one more time. That's the only decision you have to make right now."After our conversation, I'm okay seeing him again.

Don't get me wrong: I don't think this is the love of my life. But for now it's nice and different and as long as I'm having a good time, why the hell not?

Stop Doing Everything Right, by Doris

During a 20-minute interaction this morning, Jim Berger:

1. Listened to me blather to a coworker about what I liked and didn't like about a film, plus interesting trivia, and didn't seem to think I was a blowhard (plus revealed he once interviewed the film's director).

2. When I mentioned I took dance, said he was a fan of my dance teacher, before knowing she was my teacher.

3. Asked me how I liked the British costume drama I saw the other night, and admitted to being the only guy in the theatre when he saw it.

Also, after a fairly shitty argument with a friend last night, I checked my email to find a message from him.

I am giggling and singing to myself. Not good.

He gets until the middle of next week to take the initiative, then I'm asking him to hang out.

I can't pass up this opportunity, even if it just turns out to be friendship. It's really tough to initiate a platonic deal with a straight guy when he's just started a new relationship. New girlfriends tend not to like new girl friends.

Recommendation

The Lover's Dictionary, by David Levithan should be required reading for all.

Dial A for Awkward, by Doris

Last night I finally worked up the nerve to call Hunter Parrish. Rock had told me that email or texting was bad form, and HP didn't have my phone number, so I felt I had no other choice.

Rock, I love ya, but I'm texting or emailing next time.

As I've expressed before, I'm just not good on the phone with people I don't know. That doesn't apply to work situations: I can phone-schmooze with the best of them, when the occasion calls for it, because I have a specific purpose. Even at work, however, I prefer email.

But Hunter Parrish is cute, so I sucked it up and dialed his number.

I prayed to the Flying Spaghetti Monster for voicemail, so I could leave a message with my number and leave the ball in his court. No awkwardness!

And I almost got my wish.

Four rings...

"Hello?"

Shit.

Most. Awkward. Three minutes. Of my life.

I know I keep saying "awkward" and I want to yell at myself to get a thesaurus, but there really is no other word.

Remember, I talked to this guy at a bar for ten minutes. I have no idea what his personality is like. I don't even know whether he gave me his card to get away from me (although I don't think so, generally straight guys don't give you their contact info if they don't want you contacting them).

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is just as dorky on the phone as I am. Also, he was on his break from one of his three jobs and I think I caught him off-guard.

(That said, dude, why didn't you just screen the call? I almost always do that when I don't recognize the number, as does Rock.)

Mercifully, his break ended (at least that's what he said, and I was more than fine with that), but he said he'd call later in the week so we could set up a time to hang out.

Because he now has my number, the ball is in his court.

Honestly, his personality doesn't seem all that great--then again, we've interacted very little. I won't be heartbroken if I never hear from him again.

On the other hand, if I DO hear from him...

I'd totally hit that.

I mean, HE LOOKS LIKE HUNTER PARRISH.

A Walk in the Park, by Rock

After much texting and such, Noah Wyle and I had our first actual date (as opposed to just hanging out) last night. Since he is new(ish) to the city, I thought up a "best of my neighborhood" evening where we were to start with flights of beer at my favorite microbrewery, move on to dinner at my favorite burger place (his favorite food), then onto ice cream at the best little ice cream shop, and finishing with coffee and a walk through the park.

I know. I'm pretty awesome to go on a date with.

Except we didn't do all that.

It started off well enough with the beer and the burger, even if he admitted that he likes plain food and isn't the most adventurous. I can live with that. I even wasn't too upset when he was "too full for coffee" (?) and self-conscious about all of the evening. I could even deal with the fact that he was tired and suggested we save the walk through the park for another night. We came back to my place, watched part of a movie, had some pretty good foreplay, and okay sex.

What was awkward and confusing was though even though the energy seemed to be flowing, the conversation wasn't. He was quiet and I definitely read him as nervous and guarded. I called him out on it a few times, once a little rudely. He claims he's just quiet and takes a while to open up. He's so polite and thanked me for dinner literally five times. Very considerate.

But he's decided that we're gonna work out, which makes me want to run. I know my friends criticize me for going after guys that I have to chase/are unavailable, but there has to be something said if after hanging out a few times this guy is talking about how he'll work through The Sopranos with me if I like. I feel like there even isn't a lot of effort to get to know me: he likes what he's seen so far. He's content to just hang out.

I don't know. It's not my style.

But there's some energy and attraction.

I am not sure if I wanna give him one more chance or just do the "it's not working out" talk. I think I'm over it, but not sure if I owe him one more.

I really was rooting for us.

He Likes Jane Austen, by Doris

Still haven't called Hunter Parrish. Probably will tonight. I intended to last night, but I'm taking some much needed "me-time" and didn't want the stress that goes with calling a boy who gave you his card at a bar three days ago. Which hasn't happened to me in a looong time, I might add.

As for Jim Berger...the short but cute emails keep coming, back and forth, fast and furious. We're into a lot of the same things. He can cook and bake really well, and I want to ask him to teach me but I'm too shy to do so (and that's a lot to ask of someone). We've both gotten a little teasing and flirty the way you only can in writing.

This has been going on for over a week. I keep waiting for it to stop. It doesn't.

At this point, I know Rock will yell at me to do something about it. To call or text, as I now have his number which he freely gave to me. To just freaking ask if he wants to see a movie, grab a coffee or a drink, go to a play (yes, he likes going to the theatre. Fuck me).

I want to make it clear: Rock has a very valid point.

I just want Jim to be the one who initiates.

There are a few reasons for this: my sister and I were saying last night that maybe it makes us bad feminists, but we like it when a guy makes the first move, even if it's just platonic. There's something about feeling wanted, whether it's by a friend or a potential makeout buddy.

Also, there's the elephant in the room known as his ex-girlfriend who's also my friend.

Again, even if it turns out to be platonic, I don't want it to look like I was biding my time until the breakup so I could pursue him. That's not true at all, but let's face it: in awkward relationship situations, whether it's straight-up cheating or more of a gray area, the woman gets blamed. Hell, I've blamed the woman several times before, in situations with friends and in my own life--I'm not proud of it, but there it is.

It's frustrating. I feel like we're now going back and forth, like "your move." "No, YOUR move." I wish I could make it clear that I will say yes, I won't turn him down, and I will take his cues. If he wants to be friends, that's totally cool (and it really is, I've crushed on all my straight guy friends at some point and it always, always passes once we spend some time together). If he wants to go for more...well, I won't stop him.

And I almost know that if I called, or texted, or even asked to hang out, he'd be very receptive. That said, if he asks me, calls me, texts me, I'll know he's not humoring me. Does that make sense?

I haven't said this until now, but the other day I remembered how I initially felt about Excalibur, in those halcyon days when I was pretty sure he liked me but didn't know 100%. I remember thinking he was really funny and cool and we had things in common, and if he wasn't into me like that, I'd be completely fine being his friend. I just wanted him in my world.

It's been almost 15 years, but now I feel that way about Jim Berger.

I just want him in my world.

Cue toughlove comment from Rock in 3, 2...

Fun With Numbers, by Doris

Earlier this week, I was sent a one-line message that did not contain proper grammar. Normally, that is a dealbreaker, but I liked the thumbnail picture of the guy's face so I clicked on it.

Hello, Six-Pack.

As I tend to go for the underfed hipster with just enough tummy to love type, I was intrigued. After Rock confirmed that the pictures were definitely not Photoshopped, I sent Six-Pack a message saying what's up. We agreed to meet for a drink Saturday at my favorite neighborhood dive bar.

I was fully intending to vet him and make sure he wasn't a serial killer (I've watched way too much 48 Hours, aka Don't Be a Single Woman Who Enjoys Sex Or YOU WILL DIE), and then take him home with me. Even if I got a weird feeling, I was probably at least going to make out with him at the bar. I arranged for a friend to call at midnight and make sure everything was okay.

I got there at 9, our designated meeting time. At 9:15, I knew he wasn't coming.

Now, to be fair, I'm not sure what happened. On Thursday night after we'd decided on a date and time, I messaged him asking for his cell phone number. I'm not a big phone person, but I like to have this before a date so I can call or text if I'm running late (which I usually am). Never heard back. Granted, I just moved, as did half of my city, and I don't yet have Internet at home: in fact, I had to send this last message from Rock's computer. It could very well be he's in the same situation and only has sporadic access to OKCupid. Maybe something did happen and he had no way of getting ahold of me.

Or maybe he's just a jackass who got a better offer.

Either way, I decided to wait another 15 minutes, as I was enjoying sitting around and drinking a beer.

Then, a very cute guy walked into the bar. He was alone, and appeared to be waiting for someone. I was pretty sure it wasn't Six-Pack, but there was a little resemblance, and sometimes people look different from their pictures. And if it really was Six-Pack, maybe he hadn't seen me yet.

A year ago this totally wouldn't have happened. Last night, I took a chance.

I took myself and my beer to the stool next to him.

"Excuse me," I said, "but has anyone ever told you, you look like Hunter Parrish?"

(He totally did, by the way.)

So it wasn't Six-Pack. But HP was a nice guy who is an artist and has three other jobs, who had just come from a concert and was waiting for his (male) friend. We had a fun little conversation (during which the word "girlfriend" didn't come up at all), and after he got a text from his friend asking him to meet elsewhere, I decided to walk out with him. I didn't tell HP my exact situation, just that I was waiting for someone too and I didn't think they were going to show.

Before we parted ways, he gave me his card.

And those weren't the only digits I scored yesterday.

Besides seeing each other at work, Jim Berger and I have been emailing back and forth for over a week. Just little things: our weekend plans, joking/bitching about work, etc. He contacted me yesterday, recommending a play, and saying he should have asked me to join him as he had a free ticket and his friend bailed at the last minute.

Seeing my opening, I emailed back: "For next time, or if you find yourself stranded at the movies: [my phone number]."

Less than two hours later, I get a reply: "Your number is now in my phone, so expect calls if I'm stranded. Or otherwise." Also, his number.

I have no idea where this is going.

I can't wait to find out.

Keeping You Up to Speed, by Rock

So later that day, Noah Wyle called me. He said that he should have brought this up before we slept together, but he has a rule that if he is sexually active with someone, they are sexually exclusive. He stressed that it was for health reasons, it wasn't a jealous thing, I could go on as many other dates as I wanted, it was too early to be exclusive, but his rule was sex was just with him.

I took a second to digest and said that I supposed that was fair, though yes it was too early to be exclusive and yes we should have talked about it before we had sex. I wasn't willing to say that sex wouldn't happen, even though I wasn't necessarily looking for it to happen. But if it did happen, then I would tell him about it and he could make a decision. He said that was valid and fair.

The whole thing strikes me as incredibly sophomoric. Before we had sex he did ask if he had anything to worry about but he didn't ask if I had had sex within the last week (I had). If sex is such a big deal, then he shouldn't have given it up on the second date. But if that makes him feel safer, that's his prerogative and I can either play along or not. For now, he's intriguing enough that I'll play along.

He and his friends were out the next night celebrating the end of the med school semester. My friend and I met them out for a few drinks and to dance. They were all wasted, but he was a cute wasted. He kept telling my friend how much he liked me and how cute I was.

The next day I hosted a tv night and invited him and his friend. They were super late because they ended up waiting 50 minutes for a bus. They weren't feeling it after such a ridiculous commute. My other friends (including Doris!) were about to go home, but it was fine and low-key, if not the fun, hilarious party night I had kind of expected.

Last night I went out with some coworkers and ended up making out with an ex-coworker. We were about to head home together before I realized that maybe I would go on a date with this guy, but I didn't really want to go home with him. I just wanted to sleep. So I said good bye and left mysteriously. The make-out made me feel better about Noah Wyle's silly little rule though. Because it is ridiculously early to start talking exclusivity in any matter.

Real date with Noah Wyle on Monday. Stay tuned.

Speaking of Berger..., by Rock

How special is this? A mobile update  from Noah Wyle's bed! He has left to take a final and I get to stay here and "sleep" until I go to work. Instead I am updating.

Despite multiple sporting events being on last night, I took him up on his offer to come over after work last night. We finished the movie we had started the other night, made out, and cuddled. I remarked that we were kind of doing things backwards: went straight to just hanging out and fooling around and then promising to come back to the "dates."

I also admitted that I felt way more comfortable with him on a second date than I should, as witnessed by walking in the door and hands being all over him right away. He admitted this was true for him as well.

Then we headed to bed and things started to get steamy. We talked about what was going to happen and we agreed that not much.

Then we got naked anyway and decided that sex was going to happen.

And then it got awkward. By his own admission, it had been a long time for him (Two years! Cannot imagine.). Enter pressure on me. It also became clear that he was focusing more on everything going right on the sex side of it and kind of disconnected emotionally. Which didn't work well for me.

Needless to say, the sex wasn't great.

Tangent: shirts off, we are more comparable than I thought. I know bringing this up makes me incredibly vain but it is more so you don't think I am with some Adonis. His body is still better than mine but yeah.

But back to the sex, without details it was just not what I was hoping for. Sure it wasn't for him either. But we both got off and got to bed, once we realized his comforter was down and making me cough and replaced it.

And I was immediately worried that he sex wasn't great. But with him not going up to bat for so long at least we got the first time out of the way and can just go to town next time.

I was of course thinking of Berger and Carrie. As long as it doesn't end with a post-it break-up we should be okay.

If the blow jobs this morning were any indication we should be fine.

So Wrong Yet So Right, by Doris

Quick updates:

1. Bonding with a guy over Danny Pudi (comedic genius) via OKCupid messaging. He also correctly guessed the origin of my screen name. Granted, this can be accomplished via Google, but still, points for effort!

2. Trying to arrange a meetup time with Wings. Feels like we've been messaging forever, as I had to take a little break to get some personal stuff in order.

3. This guy sent me a "ur hot" message. Normally that is a dealbreaker. Then I saw his six-pack. I messaged him back.

4. Had a great conversation with a coworker (not Jim Berger) about exes, craving alone time, and hearing your neighbors have sex. Nothing romantic, just fun to bond over stupid dating and relationship stories.

5. Speaking of JB, he sent me a cute email and referred to me as Ms. Doris. MS. Sa-fucking-WOON.

Oh, and this song is playing in the coffee shop and I love it.

In Which I Finally Meet Noah Wyle, by Rock

Noah Wyle had continued to text and talk on the phone when he suggested that this past Saturday night I come over after work to watch a movie and drink some wine. He apologized for the familiarity of the first date, but it was about all he could handle with all of the studying for finals (they're still not over). But since his best friend from high school took it upon himself to buy a ticket to visit him the day finals ended, it would probably be a while before he could have a real date and he was anxious to meet me.

I was exhausted as I headed over to meet him on Saturday. Work had been especially long and stressful. I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay awake.

He was visibly nervous as we sat down with some water instead of wine and started trading stories. He was a little different then I imagined. A little dorkier (not necessarily in a bad way). His hair was longer than it had been in most of the pictures (though it looked good). He has a tiny nose stud which I think is awful but maybe it'll grow on me. He was candid and sweet and very nervous about being on a date. Before entering med school he had lived in Hawaii for a year where dating wasn't a priority and then he entered med school and it stayed not a priority, so it had been a while for him.

And here is where I wonder if OKCupid is a good or bad thing. We were rated at a ridiculously high 93% match, 1% enemy. I don't know how far he would have gotten in a bar, but because of the rating I let him get over his nervousness and open up and he won me over.

We turned on a movie and sat close. I moved my arm into that "you can hold my hand if you want" position. He said, "So would it be presumptuous if I held your hand?" I laughed and said I wouldn't mind.

A little farther into the movie, there was some little exchange and I decided to go in for a quick little first kiss. Immediately the fireworks went off and this turned into one of the best make-out sessions of my life. The energy was just there.

Eventually he said that he needed to go to bed, but it was late and I was welcome to spend the night, though he wanted to take things relatively slow with me, and of course I shouldn't feel like I had to. I said I would take him up on the offer, but yes, I agreed that clothes should stay on.

So we made out some more and cuddled and flirted with crossing the line just the right amount. I mentioned that it didn't feel quite like a first date because we had been texting and talking on the phone so much.

He had to wake up early, but he let me stay and sleep in.

He invited me over tonight as well after work in lieu of a proper second date, just because of scheduling. If I get out of work early enough I'm sure I'll head over there. I am looking forward to a proper date. He's pretty new to this city and hasn't had a lot of time to explore. I told him to get ready for a night in which I introduce him to the best neighborhood (mine) along with the best beer, pizza or burger (his choice), ice cream, coffee, and company (mine).

We're headed on the track to something substantial though. We're both acting like it. Take it with a grain of salt, however, since we saw how it went with Charlie after I thought we were off to a good start. Especially since...

Some hesitations.

It's evident that we're both at a place in our life where we want to be in a relationship. I don't want us to be in a relationship just because we want to be. I don't think this would continue to a proposal or anything, but I could see us moving a little too quickly or being a little more enamored than we usually would be. So I'm aware of that.

His body is much better than mine. My fingers were admiring his hard stomach when he exclaimed, "Oh I haven't worked out in two months! I'm in awful shape." I told him to shut up, his body was much better than mine. I will be spending a lot more time in the gym to play catch up. If we end up dating this could be a good motivator. I list it under a hesitation though because it makes me insecure.

He likes to apologize for things and make sure I'm okay with things. "Is my arm okay behind you?" "I'm sorry am I moving too fast?" "Sorry I keep having to pee." "You don't have to come over tonight if you don't feel up to it. I won't be offended." "Sorry I'm shy at first." I have stressed multiple times that if I don't want to do something I won't. I have flat out told him to stop using the word "sorry" and to just relax. He has a grace period where he can be nervous, but I hope he gets over this.

Hopefully tonight will work out and we'll go from there!