What's been going on.
I've made the decision recently that I will probably be going to graduate school. Though I won't be entering for a while (still have to take the appropriate entrance exam and apply and we're talking fall of 2012), the need for a guy in my life has greatly diminished. I have other things to worry about, spend my money on, and though I would love to stay in this amazing city that I call home, there's a possibility I will have to move away for a few years for school, depending on where I get in. If I am lucky enough to stay here, I don't know if I will want the distraction of a guy in my life.
So where does that bring me? Noah Wyle. I've still been seeing him, though he's currently at home for a week and a half helping his mom recover from surgery. He's definitely the nicest guy I have ever dated, which for better or for worse is not my type. I honestly think we're good, not great together, and I don't know if we have long-term potential. If I were looking for forever, I would probably end it now.
But right now, he's in med school, I'm studying for an asshole test, it's really easy, and it's kind of nice. He's fully aware that I will be entering school who knows where. I'm fully aware he might get his residency in a few years who knows where. Good enough might be enough for right now.
Flipping the figurative coin back over, I don't know how fair that is to him, and I don't know how necessary it is for me to articulate that in order for it to continue. I think I can hold off until he brings up the "boyfriend" word, but we'll see.
So that's where I am on him. Operating firmly on the advice I love: "The only decision you have to make is if you want to see him one more time."
And yes, I saw 2.0 at a concert and yes, I freaked out. I was in line waiting to get in. He passed by with his head down, probably avoiding eye contact, which I happily avoided. I spent most of the concert looking around for him, wondering if a run-in would be cathartic or awful. But it didn't happen. I don't know why this guy bothers me so much.
Then there is EE#5. Still the only guy I was convinced I could spend the rest of my life with. I still am, which is why I need to get the FUCK over him. Saw a facebook status update of his, and it had me waxing poetic and being nostalgic all day. He's still on the west coast. I'm not sure if I'll ever see him again. I wish him well. But ouch. Why can't the hurt go away 100%? Clearly we're not meant to be.
I really, really hope we can stay in the same city, but you gotta do what you gotta do. :)
ReplyDeleteAs someone who went through an intense graduate program, I can say that a) unless it's a classmate, dating is damn near impossible, and b) there's a reason the friends-with-benefits with Excalibur worked so well for so long. At that point in my life, I really couldn't handle anything more.
I think the thing with Noah Wyle is fine for now, as long as he isn't hoping for something more. Scratch that: if he's hoping that's one thing. But if it looks like he's really moving in that direction, you may have to gently remind him.
Ugh, ex encounters BLOW. And Dan Savage may not agree with me on this, but sometimes I think it's better to avoid eye contact (as long as neither of you is rude about it), rather than suffer through an awkward conversation that ruins your night.
Regarding EE#5, I get it. I kind of wonder if the lyrics are true and "the first cut is the deepest." I too have been missing Excalibur (and we're not even Facebook friends!). He creeps into my dreams more often than I would like, meaning he's in my subconscious. I've thought about calling or texting him, and then I realize I'm not quite ready for that yet. Even letting him back into my life as a friend is a major, major decision.
As a graduate student, I can definitely sympathize with the grad school application process. It's very stressful and it can make you question whether it's even worth it to go through all that work. But if it's something you really want to do, and if it's a field that you can get good work in, then it is worth it.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're in your 20s, you should consider joining 20something bloggers (20sb.net). There are a lot of interesting bloggers on that site who are in similar situations to yours, which is why they often create and participate in online discussion forums about these situations. I was on 20sb for a year before I turned 30, and I found a lot of cool blogs to follow. And, as an added bonus, I think I got at least 30 or more followers from that site.
I will check that out! Thanks for the idea!
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