I Did Not See John Mellencamp Last Night, by Rock

...but in order to protect a bit of the anonymity of this blog. We're going to pretend that I did. Rather than use lots of pronouns, we'll just pretend that John Mellencamp is my favorite singer in the world and he performed last night.

I discovered the Coug when he opened for one of my other favorites about a year ago when I was getting over EE#5. A lot of people have that personal connection with an artist or two, one that the rest of your friends understand but don't quite "get." Mellencamp is that artist for me. He has a way with lyrics that completely captures my heart, and one song in particular helped me get over that break-up like nothing other than time did.

It's never worked out for me to see Mellencamp as the main act until yesterday. I've had my tickets for months. As you recall, 2.0 was supposed to go with me, leading to a last minute scramble to find a replacement. When none of my friends were really interested, I invited The Faux Spaniard for an interesting date. He had never heard of Mellencamp before, but he was good and willing to check it out. I told him three songs he should check out on youtube to know what he was getting into.

And he was a good date. He arrived on time. He paid for half of the drinks and tried to pay for more. He talked about which songs he liked, and let me carry on about why I love Mellencamp so much.

And Mellencamp did not disappoint. He just has this effervescent energy and genuine joy to be able to perform and do what he loves night after night. It was a perfect concert: an ideal mix of newer material and older favorites. I found myself dancing, singing along, smiling from ear to ear.

And then I realized that I had a second date next to me who was enjoying himself, but nowhere near the level that I was.

And then I realized something even more amazing. I didn't care.

At the end of the day, this concert was about me and the Coug. And I realized how often I like a boy and suddenly it's all about how that boy looks at me and thinks of me and how can I fit myself into the life of a boy. How I idealized 2.0's life and was so willing to overlook his faults (and really you can substitute the name of any guy I've ever liked in for 2.0's). How if 2.0 had gone with me, I probably would have held in a little of my joy instead of shouting it to the stage and the roof. I would have worried about how awful I dance instead of not caring. I would have held in the tears when the line that always gets to me got to me.

Instead I dgaffed (dgaf: pronounced "dee-gaff." Don't Give A Fuck. Learn it, love it, live it.). And my life was better for it. And I realized how there are a lot of things I need to work on for me right now. And I'm not going to work on them by finding someone with the life I think I want and emulating his life. And maybe I can work on me while dating someone but it's going to need to be done carefully and slowly.

After the show we got pizza, watched tv, and he spent the night. We had the same amount of sexual interaction as last time. Which is fine, it's just going to stay on this level for a while if we continue to see each other.

I've often said that the best relationship is a contest of generosity (and I stole it from someone's profile who probably stole it from someone else). I feel like I've found someone who could give me a run for my money, and I actually don't know how I feel about it. It's almost annoying me. Maybe it's just new to me. He seems to be trying so hard to not annoy me or piss me off or inconvenience me that I'm almost offended that he thinks it would be so easy. I almost want to start talking about how "Hitler had a good point" just to see if he agrees with me. Or maybe I should get used to it and explore the sparks that seem to be there. Still, I'm not 100% sure the zsa zsa zsu is 100% there. We'll see.