A really awesome date, by Rock

So on Sunday night I had a bit of an unconventional date planned. It went really well though. Surprisingly well.

I went over to their place after work, which was conveniently about a block and a half away. We had drinks and talked for a bit before watching Tangled. The energy was there, and by the end of the movie we were cuddling. Soon after clothes came off and we headed to the bedroom for an incredible time. I was told, "Of course you'll stay and cuddle, right?" I was offered an extra toothbrush and to see if their extra phone charger would fit my phone (it did! win!). Just a really fantastic night all around where I really felt a connection. Before I left in the morning, plans were made to hang out again very soon.

Well if you haven't caught on that I'm using a plural pronoun yet... the date was with a couple.

I met one of them on grindr earlier in the week, and after hitting it off he admitted that he had a relationship of two years and they were looking to open it up. They wanted someone they could be friends with, they didn't just want an anonymous person to come in and drop trou. Everything they said while talking to both of them convinced me that they were going about it in the absolute best possible way. We made plans for Sunday night and you just heard the rest.

They were such a great couple, it was great to be a part of it for a while. Their affection for each other was contagious. Opening up a relationship isn't something I think I could do personally, but they took such great care of each other during the "exploration" that I'm glad it works for them, because honestly it was a really fun, hot night. I'm looking forward to having two new friends, and if we happen to fool around again, that's okay too. But really that's just icing.

Other updates:

Still haven't heard back from Faux Spaniard. I almost feel like writing again expressing my sadness that he doesn't want to be friends. Not to try and change his mind, but to get across that I really did want that.

Haven't heard from Scrubs since our mutual night out.

Charlie and I continue to text about once a day and are hanging out tomorrow.

Was out with Doris last night at a gay bar and had a great time. Gay men seem to find her fabulous. A cute guy came over and hit on me last night, which is rare. He was cute enough and was doing everything right, talking to Doris and me instead of just me, etc etc, and did get my phone number, but then this guy I know from college came over who was kind of being a dramatic downer and this new guy kind of got in a diva-off with him, which wasn't the most attractive thing. If he asks I'll still get coffee with him though, because in all honestly the guy from college was being kind of annoying.

Oh Happy Day, by Doris

After four months on OKCupid, I have to say, I'm discouraged by what I see.

I mean, really. Married dudes who pull disappearing acts! Rent-star look-alikes with funny voices and awkward demeanors! Hipsters upon hipsters upon hipsters, some of whom wear purple pants!

That's not to say my offline life's any better. I mean, I've got ex run-ins in the supermarket parking lot, good on paper platonic pals, and crushes on friends' former lovers!

Between walled-up preppies, dudes who text mid-date, and faux Spaniards, Rock's fed up too.

So we made it official.

Last night, Rock and Doris flew to Vegas and got married.

To each other.

We will enjoy a long sexless life of brunches, showtunes, white wine and well-decorated apartments.

Cue the Mendelsohn!

Sent to Faux Spaniard, by Rock

I'm a pussy. I know it. I should have taken care of it earlier, but I really am busy every evening this week.

But sent to the Faux Spaniard via (shudder) Facebook...

(Faux Spaniard)!

So I wanted to run something by you, which I had every intention of doing on the phone, but I got sick and couldn't talk, and now I have evening shifts everyday this week. With our opposite schedules, I thought I could send you a message without it looking too sheepish. If I feel the need to justify it more, I could bring up that I'm much more articulate when writing.

Anyways, the last few times we have hung out, I have had a fantastic time. However, the energy has seemed to shifted into more of a platonic area. I'm not sure if it's just our energy or if it has something to do with where I'm at in life right now, but that's what I'm feeling. I was definitely rooting for us, because you're cute and fun and it all seems like it should work out, but it just isn't for me.

I've been hesitant to talk to you about this, because I'm afraid you won't want to be friends. So often "let's just be friends" is used as a line, but I really do think we have a lot of fun together. I'm really hoping we can continue to hang out.

Hope you had a good weekend. Sorry again for the lame use of facebook instead of in person.

-(Rock)

Can't Say Goodbye, by Rock

So the guy I went out with on St. Patrick's Day called and left a voicemail asking me if I wanted to grab dinner sometime this week. I got the voicemail between dodgeball and work, and I had other things to take care of in between, so he didn't get a response right away.

After work, I also had a text from him asking the exact same thing.

Dude. I know with cell phones everyone is supposed to be accessible all the time in theory. But easy.

In theory, this really annoyed me. In all actuality, the text was a blessing because it meant I could respond by text instead of calling him.

"Hey! Sorry. Went straight from dodgeball to work: was planning on calling you back tomorrow. I had a good time on Thursday, but I don't think there's enough of a connection for any long-term potential. Sorry. Thanks again for a good time."

Still probably should have called him, but eh. It's a big step to even be able to handle that. Old me would be all "well if he sees a connection maybe I should give him a second chance." Imagine a weak, little, nerdy, pushover voice for that sentence.

Unfortunately, I wish I could say I handled ending things with the Faux Spaniard well. In all actuality, I just didn't end things.

We had brunch, we caught up, we walked around his neighborhood, we sat in the park and people watched. It was all fun, but a little awkward. I honestly wouldn't mind being friends with him at all. I honestly thought that because of how things were going- no hand-holding, no hugging, no hello kiss- that we were on the same page and things were going to be easier.

We went back to his place and watched some tv. With about five minutes left in the show, he awkwardly puts his hand on my knee. I grab it. The show ended and I left for work. We kissed good-bye briefly. So awkward.

My new plan is to call him this week and talk it out over the phone. I feel like I can handle that better than in person. I'll never get my books back, but I can replace them and consider the cost a "don't lend books to boys that you might not want to stick around" learning fee. What's sad is that I will quote 2.0's break-up speech to him: "It's been feeling more platonic for a while, but I wanted to see. I was rooting for us."

Speaking of 2.0, he responded to my email saying hello. It was courteous and brief.

Halladay, Lincecum, Kershaw... Ruiz, Posey, Barajas...., by Rock

The Faux Spaniard and I went out for cupcakes and drinks this past Wednesday. We hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks, so the night started off a little awkwardly, especially since I was late and stressed having driven halfway there before realizing I didn't have my wallet. I was all out panicking when it wasn't in my apartment either. Luckily I found it in the street next to where my car had been parked, with everything still in it even.

Anyways, it started out a little awkward, but as we kept drinking at the coolest bar in the world (his suggestion), it got better (alcohol often does that). He insisted on paying since it had just been my birthday. We were in his neighborhood, but he has to get up so early for work that he offered to come back to my place instead so I could sleep in. We came back and had a few more drinks. As we were chatting, I insisted he borrow two of my books. They're graphic novels and he should finish them quickly, but still. Who am I lending someone stuff that means a lot to me? We hopped into bed.

Where in our drunkenness, we had sex for the first time. And he played catcher, something he had never done before.

It was good, but I was upset with myself since I was aware of his "position" (hahahaha, I crack myself up) and wanted to really save that until we were involved if we got there. You never forget your first (even though he had pitched before), and I was not exactly eager to put that second punch into his V-card.

But what was done was done. I sent him a text the next day to make sure he was okay with everything that happened, and he said he was. Other than that, we were both adults, I didn't put any pressure on him, and I wasn't going to lose sleep about it.

The problem was, I had already started a conversation in my head about what I want right now (more on that later).

So on Saturday, I was poised to get out of work at a somewhat decent hour (read: before midnight), so I suggested that he head to my place after the party he was attending so we could cuddle and sleep in (every other night we've spent together, his alarm is set for 5:45). He liked the plan, but he lost track of time a bit and showed up pretty late. He was super apologetic, something I wanted from 2.0 when something similar happened with him.

Everything was fine until we got into bed.

SOMEWHAT INTIMATE DETAILS WARNING FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME AND AREN'T USED TO DISCUSSING SEX.

Sex to me has always been just as much about pleasuring someone else as it is about getting "pleased." I've been with my share of selfish lovers, but I've never been with someone so "unselfish" before. I kept trying to go down on him and every time he got close he made me stop. I tried to explain that I wanted to see him come. He said that in his experience, one person usually came and then "got the other person back in the morning" and he didn't want that to me. I told him that sounded ridiculous and every person I had always been with, it was definitely the goal for both people to get off. I let him suck me off, thinking I could get back to business when he was done. He wouldn't let me. Trust me. I tried. I went to bed a little ticked off.

I like to feel like a provider sometimes. I like to feel like a nurturer sometimes. I don't want to feel like a child or invalid being taken care of all the times (bad simile to use when talking about sex?). He tries to pay all the time. He doesn't want to inconvenience me by having me over. He won't let me get him off because he doesn't think I'll truly enjoy it. I get a massage but can't reciprocate.

It's kind of nice for about five minutes. Then I feel like I'm being spoiled.

I can step back and say that I'm usually the person who gives up more in relationships. Just marginally most of the time. And so I wonder if maybe this is just new to me and I should go with the flow, but then I realize that this is such an extreme and it doesn't sit well with me.

He started to get frisky in the morning, but I'm not a fan of morning sex. I'm a fan of we've been up lying in bed for two hours and talking and waking up and now let's get started sex, but not right when I wake up and don't have coffee sex. So maybe next time he'll take his orgasm when it's offered.

I've also been thinking a lot recently. Ever since coming out, I have been AGGRESSIVELY trying to find the person I'll spend the rest of my life with. I treat it like a full-time job, multiple dates a week, skimming dating profiles, I can't go to a bar without scanning the room like mad.

I realized with 2.0 how willing I was to let this new boy define my life in this city. I'm newish coming back here. I'm trying to transition jobs. I need to work on growing my family of friends here and lying down roots. There's nothing wrong with grabbing a drink with a cute boy from time to time, but I think for once in my life I'm going to make the active choice to not make dating a priority.

I'm not abandoning this blog (if only you were all that lucky). I still will go on a date with a boy who catches my interest. I'll probably still browse profiles when I'm bored. I just don't want to have a specific endgame in mind. Even if I enjoy someone's company, I'm going to need to keep it casual.

The way life usually works out, I'll probably have better luck now anyway.

I'm going to change the wording on my OKCupid profile. I'm going to have a talk with The Faux Spaniard so he knows what's up (I'd happily continue to hang out, but don't want to think about a future or exclusivity right now.).

This is a good thing.

I can't believe I just used "life" as a label for this post. I'm such a douchebag.

I Did Not See John Mellencamp Last Night, by Rock

...but in order to protect a bit of the anonymity of this blog. We're going to pretend that I did. Rather than use lots of pronouns, we'll just pretend that John Mellencamp is my favorite singer in the world and he performed last night.

I discovered the Coug when he opened for one of my other favorites about a year ago when I was getting over EE#5. A lot of people have that personal connection with an artist or two, one that the rest of your friends understand but don't quite "get." Mellencamp is that artist for me. He has a way with lyrics that completely captures my heart, and one song in particular helped me get over that break-up like nothing other than time did.

It's never worked out for me to see Mellencamp as the main act until yesterday. I've had my tickets for months. As you recall, 2.0 was supposed to go with me, leading to a last minute scramble to find a replacement. When none of my friends were really interested, I invited The Faux Spaniard for an interesting date. He had never heard of Mellencamp before, but he was good and willing to check it out. I told him three songs he should check out on youtube to know what he was getting into.

And he was a good date. He arrived on time. He paid for half of the drinks and tried to pay for more. He talked about which songs he liked, and let me carry on about why I love Mellencamp so much.

And Mellencamp did not disappoint. He just has this effervescent energy and genuine joy to be able to perform and do what he loves night after night. It was a perfect concert: an ideal mix of newer material and older favorites. I found myself dancing, singing along, smiling from ear to ear.

And then I realized that I had a second date next to me who was enjoying himself, but nowhere near the level that I was.

And then I realized something even more amazing. I didn't care.

At the end of the day, this concert was about me and the Coug. And I realized how often I like a boy and suddenly it's all about how that boy looks at me and thinks of me and how can I fit myself into the life of a boy. How I idealized 2.0's life and was so willing to overlook his faults (and really you can substitute the name of any guy I've ever liked in for 2.0's). How if 2.0 had gone with me, I probably would have held in a little of my joy instead of shouting it to the stage and the roof. I would have worried about how awful I dance instead of not caring. I would have held in the tears when the line that always gets to me got to me.

Instead I dgaffed (dgaf: pronounced "dee-gaff." Don't Give A Fuck. Learn it, love it, live it.). And my life was better for it. And I realized how there are a lot of things I need to work on for me right now. And I'm not going to work on them by finding someone with the life I think I want and emulating his life. And maybe I can work on me while dating someone but it's going to need to be done carefully and slowly.

After the show we got pizza, watched tv, and he spent the night. We had the same amount of sexual interaction as last time. Which is fine, it's just going to stay on this level for a while if we continue to see each other.

I've often said that the best relationship is a contest of generosity (and I stole it from someone's profile who probably stole it from someone else). I feel like I've found someone who could give me a run for my money, and I actually don't know how I feel about it. It's almost annoying me. Maybe it's just new to me. He seems to be trying so hard to not annoy me or piss me off or inconvenience me that I'm almost offended that he thinks it would be so easy. I almost want to start talking about how "Hitler had a good point" just to see if he agrees with me. Or maybe I should get used to it and explore the sparks that seem to be there. Still, I'm not 100% sure the zsa zsa zsu is 100% there. We'll see.

The Faux Spaniard(1 of 3), by Rock

After class last night, I met up with one of the three guys I've been talking to. We met at a "trendy"ish burger and beer place that I had been wanting to try.

We hit it off fairly well. He's not at hot as 2.0, but he's definitely attractive. We had a nice witty dialogue going as we zoomed through obvious first date questions (Any siblings? What's your favorite Harry Potter?). I made the mistake of ordering the spiciest burger (or anything) that I've ever ordered in my life so I was tearing up as I ate, but we just laughed about that.

A possible red flag: he's never dated anyone for longer than 7 weeks. Not a dealbreaker, but something to be aware of. He also admitted to some self-esteem issues. I don't do well with these. Reassurance is not my strong suit.

It came time to pay the pretty substantial bill, he admitted that he took care of it on his last trip to the bathroom. I feigned frustration for a minute before graciously thanking him and secretly being impressed and super thankful. Rock is still recovering financially from that trip with 2.0.

I promised myself that there would be no second location, but after however many beers, I found myself offering him three options...

1- Say good night and go our separate ways.

2- Find a bar in the area for one more drink.

3- He could come over to my place to watch RuPaul's Drag Race, but we would not be fooling around.

He picked #3. And just like that, my new standards went out the window.

By this time, we were both pretty drunk. Now this guy is Polish and Irish, but was a Spanish major and studied abroad for a year. As he lost sobriety, he started speaking with a Spanish accent, which was kind of cute. Hence his moniker for this blog.

We were in the cab and sparing you the specifics he figured out the timeline for when I broke up with 2.0. He was a little awkward about how soon it was, but I assured him he wasn't a rebound and he remembered that people use OKCupid for lots of things, and he himself had been on many many dates in the past few weeks.

We got back to my place, and I went to turn on the tv and he went to take off my shirt. I wanted to fool around. I wanted my new standards as well. I called him out that I explicitly said I didn't want to do this, he said we could stop. I said we could keep going.

It is what it is. I'm not proud of it. But it's not the biggest of deals. It's not like I rounded home or anything.

We were fooling around and establishing those roles that gays have to establish when they fool around. He said to me, "Not to weird you out, it's really not that big of a deal, but I've never bottomed before. Or else I would want to right now."

Now let's get one thing clear. It was the first night we met. As far as I was concerned, no one was bottoming (and no one did). But that's another possible issue in the future should this progress. That's a big deal for someone.

But the fooling around was good. Actually better than the majority of fooling around with 2.0.

He left this morning. And then I did something that I will possibly regret.

I was supposed to see my favorite singer in the world tomorrow with 2.0. Now I have an extra ticket. My one friend around here that likes him already will be there. My other friends either don't really care for him or don't know who he is. I'm sure Doris would have kept me company, but she's not the biggest fan of him. I sent out a mass text to see if anyone was interested or knew who he was. No one really responded.

So I invited The Faux Spaniard. I told him my cousin bailed on me so I had an extra ticket. So date #2 is much sooner than I wanted it to be (and a little more personal than I wanted it to be: this singer means a lot to me), but que sera sera. At least I have someone to go with me. And out of necessity it will be at least a week until date #3 if he earns it and wants it.

Next week I have dates lined up on Monday and Tuesday with the other two guys that I've been talking to. Just talked to one of them on the phone to make plans. I liked the sound of his voice.