I Done a Bad Thing, George, by Rock

Holy. Fuck.

Remember in SATC when Carrie was dating Aiden but ended up in bed with Big and a cigarette and you hated her and had to walk around and cool off because you were so angry with her?

Yeah get ready.

So tonight I went to go see a play with EE#3's boyfriend. Now you may recall that the three of us had a good time more than a few weeks ago. We had been trying to figure out a time to hang out again, I needed to see a show tonight, I asked them to come and only the boyfriend could make it.

We pregamed a little before the show and I brought up how I thought they were such a good couple. That brought up how they weren't a great couple and even though they were about to move in together they were having all these problems, a lot of them sex related.

This got me (probably unfairly) talking about my problems with EE#3. A lot of this guy's problems with him were similar. So we commiserated. We had a plan to get EE#3 to hang out with us after to have a repeat performance and that kind of gave us the safety to flirt a little, thinking that all would be well with the three of us very shortly.

The show ended and we headed back to my place to drink some more, eat some pizza, and we thought to wait for him. Then we got a text that not only was he not coming, he felt a little tricked into coming, and was a little uncomfortable with us hanging out. I excused this guy to go. He wanted to continue to hang out. Our legs continued to touch as we watched "Easy A" of all things. Irony.

The movie ended and we got a little closer and I finally said, "I don't want you to do anything that you will regret tomorrow. We should stop." And he said, "I told you that we haven't had sex in months. This isn't my first time fooling around on the side." I replied, "Well you can never ever tell him."

And with that, I became "the other woman." We fooled around. I felt guilty. I more felt like I should feel guilty than actually feeling guilty. I hate that I did that to EE#3. I realize if it wasn't me, it would be someone else. That doesn't make it okay.

I don't know. He just left. I'm still processing. I'm still tipsy. I never would have expected this.

There used to be this machine at the state fair when I was growing up that would analyze your signature and tell you your personality. I remember being told around sixth grade that I was the kind of person that would cheat if I knew 100% that I could get away with it. I remember knowing even back then that it was probably true.

I feel awful. I feel okay if I don't think about EE#3, but if I think about him I feel awful.

I think what bothers me the most is that I used to think they had this great thing. I'm terrified that I'll "find love" with someone and they will do this to me and I will have no idea. Granted I would never let my relationship regress to the problems they are having but still. No excuse. It's scary to think I could be left playing the fool.

I feel so badly that I didn't want to share this, didn't want to write about it. I'm forcing myself to do it while I'm not sober so I can't pretend it didn't happen. So I have to own up to it on some degree.

SOBER UPDATE: What's done is done. I won't let it happen again. Moving on.

When 3 Is Not a Crowd, by Rock

Last night I went out with some coworkers and I ran into EE#3 and his current boyfriend. Not a big deal; I've hung out with them before and actually really like them as a couple. He's also the ex that it is easiest to be friends with because it was the least amount of emotional investment on my part.

The two of them quickly joined our group. What was supposed to be a quick drink or two before getting to bed reasonably early turned into a bender. When the bar we were at closed, we headed to another. Close to 4a, the three of us announced we were going to drive to a casino. Outside the bar, we quickly realized that none of us should drive, so we went back to my place to smoke up and watch tv instead.

At this point I think we all knew what was going to happen.

On the couch, it went EE#3, the New Kid, and me. The New Kid's hand was on my leg. My arm was behind the New Kid's head so my hand was resting on EE#3's shoulder. When one of us would go to the bathroom, the other two would cuddle.

EE#3 was getting a little nervous. He kept talking about wanting to get back to their dog. The New Kid wasn't going anywhere though and EE#3 was clearly intrigued as well. Eventually I just climbed into bed and told them they were welcome to stay the night, but I was getting tired. They had a soft conversation about where they were going to sleep: on the couch, on the floor, in the bed. I said there was plenty of room for all of us in the bed, and we got in there in the same order.

Yada yada yada it was a really fun night.

What? You want details? Pervs. This is a dating blog, not a sex blog. Haha.

I only bring it up* because even during all of it, their love and attraction to each other was evident and so attractive. I wouldn't have slept with either of them separately, but they were so attractive as a couple.

I want to have that again someday with someone. It just feels so impossible to find. Definitely need a bit of a break from looking for it, at least so aggressively.

Texted them both this morning how I had fun, hope they got home safely, and hoped things wouldn't be awkward. Looks like we're all a-okay.

Now if I can just get it to happen again with them. That was fun. I needed the win. :)

*I lied. I also bring it up to brag a little.

Evil Ex #3, by Rock

After the ridiculousness of Evil Exes #1 and 2, it's pretty silly that the issues I'm dealing with right now are mostly from EE#3.

After #2, I dated around a lot and had a lot of "two week relationships" where I'd go on a few dates with a guy before realizing that we weren't a good enough match to keep seeing each other and end it. These were mostly guys that wouldn't get past one date now, but back then someone liking me was enough for me to like them.

Then I met EE#3. EE#3 graduated from my department at my college the spring before, but I had never really known him. We had some mutual friends and got introduced at a bar one night. We ended up fooling around and making plans for a date.

We started seeing each other and though things were going well, EE#3 needed to take it SLOW. Like glacier-paced. It was months before he was okay with the boyfriend moniker.

Now that wasn't that big of a deal for me. Regardless of the label, if a relationship is meeting my needs, it's meeting my needs. What really got to me were his issues about communication.

In a need to assert his independence or something, he would often wait hours and hours before responding to my texts and calls. He owned this issue and admitted to it. I tried to explain that if ever didn't want to talk, that was fine. I didn't care. If I had a question about our plans or something, it would be nice if he could get over it and get back to me. If he was busy or something that was fine, but for him to just admit that he didn't feel like getting back to me was frustrating to say the least.

After four months, the relationship just wasn't progressing at all, and I was ready for it to evolve into something more serious. He wasn't willing to give it to me, and we parted ways, pretty amicably. I still hang out with him from time to time. He helped me shop at IKEA a few weeks ago when I moved back here in fact.

Why is he even considered an Evil Ex? Because every time I go to text or call 2.0 I worry that I'm bothering him. That he doesn't want to hear from me. Two things.

1- I realize you're going to have to take my word on this, but I am NOT a crazy stalker texter. I have dated those before. With me, we're talking an occasional "good morning, cutie" or "how was your day?" I shouldn't be worried about smothering someone with this level of communication.

2- 2.0 is always ecstatic to hear from me, or at least acts like it. He returns the affection. He talks about how I make him "smiley." He has initiated the conversation probably as much as I have.

Yet I still worry like crazy. Let's hope this relaxes.

EE#3 is also the epitome of a classic Rock trend. I tend to go for guys that I like more than they like me. I don't know if I consider myself a work in progress or if I just like a challenge. But guys who like me too much turn me off. That quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower comes to mind: "We accept the love we think we deserve." Lately I find myself deserving of a lot more though, which is good because I'm honored and amazed by how much this amazing guy seems to be into me. It's just right.