After the ridiculousness of Evil Exes #1 and 2, it's pretty silly that the issues I'm dealing with right now are mostly from EE#3.After #2, I dated around a lot and had a lot of "two week relationships" where I'd go on a few dates with a guy before realizing that we weren't a good enough match to keep seeing each other and end it. These were mostly guys that wouldn't get past one date now, but back then someone liking me was enough for me to like them.
Then I met EE#3. EE#3 graduated from my department at my college the spring before, but I had never really known him. We had some mutual friends and got introduced at a bar one night. We ended up fooling around and making plans for a date.
We started seeing each other and though things were going well, EE#3 needed to take it SLOW. Like glacier-paced. It was months before he was okay with the boyfriend moniker.
Now that wasn't that big of a deal for me. Regardless of the label, if a relationship is meeting my needs, it's meeting my needs. What really got to me were his issues about communication.
In a need to assert his independence or something, he would often wait hours and hours before responding to my texts and calls. He owned this issue and admitted to it. I tried to explain that if ever didn't want to talk, that was fine. I didn't care. If I had a question about our plans or something, it would be nice if he could get over it and get back to me. If he was busy or something that was fine, but for him to just admit that he didn't feel like getting back to me was frustrating to say the least.
After four months, the relationship just wasn't progressing at all, and I was ready for it to evolve into something more serious. He wasn't willing to give it to me, and we parted ways, pretty amicably. I still hang out with him from time to time. He helped me shop at IKEA a few weeks ago when I moved back here in fact.
Why is he even considered an Evil Ex? Because every time I go to text or call 2.0 I worry that I'm bothering him. That he doesn't want to hear from me. Two things.
1- I realize you're going to have to take my word on this, but I am NOT a crazy stalker texter. I have dated those before. With me, we're talking an occasional "good morning, cutie" or "how was your day?" I shouldn't be worried about smothering someone with this level of communication.
2- 2.0 is always ecstatic to hear from me, or at least acts like it. He returns the affection. He talks about how I make him "smiley." He has initiated the conversation probably as much as I have.
Yet I still worry like crazy. Let's hope this relaxes.
EE#3 is also the epitome of a classic Rock trend. I tend to go for guys that I like more than they like me. I don't know if I consider myself a work in progress or if I just like a challenge. But guys who like me too much turn me off. That quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower comes to mind: "We accept the love we think we deserve." Lately I find myself deserving of a lot more though, which is good because I'm honored and amazed by how much this amazing guy seems to be into me. It's just right.
Doris' take:
ReplyDeleteI met EE3 after I moved back to the city and Rock and I started hanging out more (and a couple of months later, we got an apartment so I saw EE3 even more).
I liked him. He seemed kind of superficial at times, but considering the communication issues he had, I'm not surprised he didn't let "outside" people in, so to speak. Does that make sense? I'm not saying everyone needs to pour their heart to me (in fact, please don't), but he never really let his guard around Rock's friends.
EE3 always struck me as a big ole rebound from EE2. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In many cases, a rebound is necessary. I mean, Rock dated people between EE2 and EE3, but never for very long.
Let me also second that Rock is NOT an obsessive caller/texter. I also don't think it's too much to ask if you get back to someone regarding plans you have made. To me, that is only polite.