Keeping You Up to Speed, by Rock

So later that day, Noah Wyle called me. He said that he should have brought this up before we slept together, but he has a rule that if he is sexually active with someone, they are sexually exclusive. He stressed that it was for health reasons, it wasn't a jealous thing, I could go on as many other dates as I wanted, it was too early to be exclusive, but his rule was sex was just with him.

I took a second to digest and said that I supposed that was fair, though yes it was too early to be exclusive and yes we should have talked about it before we had sex. I wasn't willing to say that sex wouldn't happen, even though I wasn't necessarily looking for it to happen. But if it did happen, then I would tell him about it and he could make a decision. He said that was valid and fair.

The whole thing strikes me as incredibly sophomoric. Before we had sex he did ask if he had anything to worry about but he didn't ask if I had had sex within the last week (I had). If sex is such a big deal, then he shouldn't have given it up on the second date. But if that makes him feel safer, that's his prerogative and I can either play along or not. For now, he's intriguing enough that I'll play along.

He and his friends were out the next night celebrating the end of the med school semester. My friend and I met them out for a few drinks and to dance. They were all wasted, but he was a cute wasted. He kept telling my friend how much he liked me and how cute I was.

The next day I hosted a tv night and invited him and his friend. They were super late because they ended up waiting 50 minutes for a bus. They weren't feeling it after such a ridiculous commute. My other friends (including Doris!) were about to go home, but it was fine and low-key, if not the fun, hilarious party night I had kind of expected.

Last night I went out with some coworkers and ended up making out with an ex-coworker. We were about to head home together before I realized that maybe I would go on a date with this guy, but I didn't really want to go home with him. I just wanted to sleep. So I said good bye and left mysteriously. The make-out made me feel better about Noah Wyle's silly little rule though. Because it is ridiculously early to start talking exclusivity in any matter.

Real date with Noah Wyle on Monday. Stay tuned.

In Which I Finally Meet Noah Wyle, by Rock

Noah Wyle had continued to text and talk on the phone when he suggested that this past Saturday night I come over after work to watch a movie and drink some wine. He apologized for the familiarity of the first date, but it was about all he could handle with all of the studying for finals (they're still not over). But since his best friend from high school took it upon himself to buy a ticket to visit him the day finals ended, it would probably be a while before he could have a real date and he was anxious to meet me.

I was exhausted as I headed over to meet him on Saturday. Work had been especially long and stressful. I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay awake.

He was visibly nervous as we sat down with some water instead of wine and started trading stories. He was a little different then I imagined. A little dorkier (not necessarily in a bad way). His hair was longer than it had been in most of the pictures (though it looked good). He has a tiny nose stud which I think is awful but maybe it'll grow on me. He was candid and sweet and very nervous about being on a date. Before entering med school he had lived in Hawaii for a year where dating wasn't a priority and then he entered med school and it stayed not a priority, so it had been a while for him.

And here is where I wonder if OKCupid is a good or bad thing. We were rated at a ridiculously high 93% match, 1% enemy. I don't know how far he would have gotten in a bar, but because of the rating I let him get over his nervousness and open up and he won me over.

We turned on a movie and sat close. I moved my arm into that "you can hold my hand if you want" position. He said, "So would it be presumptuous if I held your hand?" I laughed and said I wouldn't mind.

A little farther into the movie, there was some little exchange and I decided to go in for a quick little first kiss. Immediately the fireworks went off and this turned into one of the best make-out sessions of my life. The energy was just there.

Eventually he said that he needed to go to bed, but it was late and I was welcome to spend the night, though he wanted to take things relatively slow with me, and of course I shouldn't feel like I had to. I said I would take him up on the offer, but yes, I agreed that clothes should stay on.

So we made out some more and cuddled and flirted with crossing the line just the right amount. I mentioned that it didn't feel quite like a first date because we had been texting and talking on the phone so much.

He had to wake up early, but he let me stay and sleep in.

He invited me over tonight as well after work in lieu of a proper second date, just because of scheduling. If I get out of work early enough I'm sure I'll head over there. I am looking forward to a proper date. He's pretty new to this city and hasn't had a lot of time to explore. I told him to get ready for a night in which I introduce him to the best neighborhood (mine) along with the best beer, pizza or burger (his choice), ice cream, coffee, and company (mine).

We're headed on the track to something substantial though. We're both acting like it. Take it with a grain of salt, however, since we saw how it went with Charlie after I thought we were off to a good start. Especially since...

Some hesitations.

It's evident that we're both at a place in our life where we want to be in a relationship. I don't want us to be in a relationship just because we want to be. I don't think this would continue to a proposal or anything, but I could see us moving a little too quickly or being a little more enamored than we usually would be. So I'm aware of that.

His body is much better than mine. My fingers were admiring his hard stomach when he exclaimed, "Oh I haven't worked out in two months! I'm in awful shape." I told him to shut up, his body was much better than mine. I will be spending a lot more time in the gym to play catch up. If we end up dating this could be a good motivator. I list it under a hesitation though because it makes me insecure.

He likes to apologize for things and make sure I'm okay with things. "Is my arm okay behind you?" "I'm sorry am I moving too fast?" "Sorry I keep having to pee." "You don't have to come over tonight if you don't feel up to it. I won't be offended." "Sorry I'm shy at first." I have stressed multiple times that if I don't want to do something I won't. I have flat out told him to stop using the word "sorry" and to just relax. He has a grace period where he can be nervous, but I hope he gets over this.

Hopefully tonight will work out and we'll go from there!

It's Like the Plot of 42nd Street Is Happening in My Mind, by Rock

So this new med student that I've been texting with is looking pretty promising. Everything that we've talked about seems spot-on and he's only made one spelling mistake (here instead of hear). We had a great conversation yesterday (well as great as one can be via text) about how so many guys are "extremes" (I only have straight friends. I only have gay friends. I only hang out at straight bars. I only hang out at gay bars. I only want to go out. I only want to stay in.) and it's almost harder to be middle of the road. He flat out said he was short and asked if I realized that and would have a problem with it. I told him I would only have a problem if he had issues with it. If he had the confidence to measure up, then no worries (I think that's the case).

I really wish we could just meet and get it over with. These expectations just keep building, and I know how I get when a guy seems pretty good on paper and I want to be in a relationship (cough, cough, 2.0, cough, cough). Yet as much as I don't want to be that naive, young ingénue that has his mind made up before meeting the guy, I also don't want to be that bitter, old queen that's trying to figure out everything that is wrong with the guy. I am trying extremely hard (and succeeding, I believe) at balancing the "cautiously" and "optimistic." It is what it is, I'll meet him when I meet him, and until then life goes on. I'm really not even thinking about this as much as this post makes it seem like I am. Just bragging I guess about how I'm handling it.

I suggested that he call me today on a study break so we can chat. I really just want to hear the sound of his voice, but it'll also be a little closer to actually meeting and we can both get a better read on things.

Remember that guy that Doris and I met out like a month ago? Me neither really. But he was out again last night and we might actually get coffee for real. I don't think we're compatible enough, but I wouldn't mind seeing him sober to figure it out.

Gays Like Brunch, by Rock

First of all, a very happy belated Opening Day to all of our readers! A bigger deal than Christmas and my birthday combined, I hope that your teams (both real and fantasy) are doing as well as mine.

First of all, I'm not sure how long Scrubs is going to be in the picture, if at all. We had been texting a bit what with baseball starting (my team started off wonderfully, his did not) and realized we were both going to be out on Friday.

But then as a text he did something that drives me crazy. He called me "bud." Bud is what I call someone if I'm trying to assert that I just see them as a friend even though they might have a crush. Bud is what I call my buds. Bud is not a cute nickname for boys I like. It confuses me when guys use it as such. So I made a joke out of it: "Bud? Have I crossed into the friend zone already?" His response: "Look BUDDY. If you're going to be like that than YES. I'll be by you guys soon. Keep in touch." I don't think he was actually annoyed, I think he was just playing along. I said I was just checking because I thought he was adorable. He said he was going to come buy us shots.

My friend had to get up early and we actually didn't get to meet up. I haven't heard from him since, and I think I will wait to hear from him before moving forward with him. My read is that he is busy in med school, and wants something super super casual. Something in theory I want, but in practice don't do well at. I want to be involved on some level, even if I don't get to see you very often.

And then I went out with the dental student on Saturday for brunch. We're going to call him Charlie, because we talked Survivor for a lot of the date and he reminds me of Charlie from a few seasons back a little bit.

The whole date was a bit of a blur because of my sinus medication. Seriously this spring is trying to kill me.

Charlie is not exactly my type. A little shorter than me and super super skinny. No muscles. I could tell that he shaved his chest and I'm almost positive he was wearing some make-up.

That being said, he was still a guy. Not super fem. We have a lot in common, whether the afore-mentioned Survivor love or how seriously we took high school. The conversation was flowing, and by the end of the meal we had put in our calendars that we would watch Survivor together Wednesday night when I got off of work.

HERE'S THE THING. He had mentioned in our OKCupid messages and I was immediately suspicious. He not only lives in the same building but on the same floor as 2.0. He is friendly with 2.0, knows him by name, and says hi to him in the hallways and such. I played it off like 2.0 and I had an amicable friendly mutual ending (which is 90% true) and that it will be more funny than awkward if we run into him. But let me just say I am not looking forward to this. I am not going to lie. 2.0 is more attractive conventionally than Charlie and as bad of a person as I am, it will be a little awkward. But let's wait for that to actually happen and progress to the point where I am hanging out there before I worry about it. And really, I am 95% over 2.0 at this point. I just still would prefer if he didn't exist in my universe at all.

But the date went well, Wednesday is planned, we hugged goodbye on the busy daytime downtown street and we'll see.

Oh Happy Day, by Doris

After four months on OKCupid, I have to say, I'm discouraged by what I see.

I mean, really. Married dudes who pull disappearing acts! Rent-star look-alikes with funny voices and awkward demeanors! Hipsters upon hipsters upon hipsters, some of whom wear purple pants!

That's not to say my offline life's any better. I mean, I've got ex run-ins in the supermarket parking lot, good on paper platonic pals, and crushes on friends' former lovers!

Between walled-up preppies, dudes who text mid-date, and faux Spaniards, Rock's fed up too.

So we made it official.

Last night, Rock and Doris flew to Vegas and got married.

To each other.

We will enjoy a long sexless life of brunches, showtunes, white wine and well-decorated apartments.

Cue the Mendelsohn!

Analyzing the shit out of myself, by Rock

So I was looking around the dodgeball court on Sunday and crushing on all of the straight guys. It occurred to me that if the guys were gay, they wouldn't be "good enough" for me, but since they were straight and unobtainable I was crushing like crazy.

I realized this was a pretty common dealio for me. A little bit of a stomach, for example, could be charming on a straight dude, but I don't want it on the guy I'm dating.

I think it has less to do with the stomach and more with the accessibility. Looking at my past bunch of relationships, the common denominator for the ones that hurt me (for new readers, I did a recap of my Evil Exes that you can go back and find in the archives) is that I've been way more emotionally involved than them.

And I'm sure you're all saying, "Duh." That's obviously the case always when someone gets hurt. But I think it's more than that with me. I think that two issues are at play here.

1- I tend to view myself as a work in progress. I'm not entirely happy with where I am in life right now, so if someone is completely sold on me I take that as a character flaw on their part.

2- I really enjoy the hunt or the chase when it comes to dating. I like to be the aggressor and win the other person over. In old-fashioned sexist terms, to be the "guy." Plan the date, try and impress them, try and pay even when my wallet can't afford it, etc.

And I think because of these two issues I tend to go for guys that aren't at a place in life where they can invest 100% or guys that are maybe a little out of my league and need a rebound or something. I don't think it's really a conscious thing on my part, but it's definitely the common denominator in most of the guys I've had relationships with.

And so I'm trying to switch it up a little right now with whom I'm going on dates with. Trying to be aware of what I'm going after. Trying to realize my own value and assess whether I really want to find "ever after" now or if I'm subconsciously holding out for something better when I feel like I am better. I'm starting to feel this awareness of this dichotomy in my brain of wanting something that won't last forever, but not being able to actively engage unless I think it could last forever.

This is a work in progress, obviously. But the realization is definitely a big first step.

Also worth noting is an intense disinterest in intimacy, both emotional and physical, since it ended with 2.0. I feel like tiny little serfs are currently building a ten-foot-tall wall around me. I think in a way this could be a good thing, but to continue an awful cliche-filled metaphor, it would be good if we could revise the plans and bring the wall down to about four feet.

The Faux Spaniard(1 of 3), by Rock

After class last night, I met up with one of the three guys I've been talking to. We met at a "trendy"ish burger and beer place that I had been wanting to try.

We hit it off fairly well. He's not at hot as 2.0, but he's definitely attractive. We had a nice witty dialogue going as we zoomed through obvious first date questions (Any siblings? What's your favorite Harry Potter?). I made the mistake of ordering the spiciest burger (or anything) that I've ever ordered in my life so I was tearing up as I ate, but we just laughed about that.

A possible red flag: he's never dated anyone for longer than 7 weeks. Not a dealbreaker, but something to be aware of. He also admitted to some self-esteem issues. I don't do well with these. Reassurance is not my strong suit.

It came time to pay the pretty substantial bill, he admitted that he took care of it on his last trip to the bathroom. I feigned frustration for a minute before graciously thanking him and secretly being impressed and super thankful. Rock is still recovering financially from that trip with 2.0.

I promised myself that there would be no second location, but after however many beers, I found myself offering him three options...

1- Say good night and go our separate ways.

2- Find a bar in the area for one more drink.

3- He could come over to my place to watch RuPaul's Drag Race, but we would not be fooling around.

He picked #3. And just like that, my new standards went out the window.

By this time, we were both pretty drunk. Now this guy is Polish and Irish, but was a Spanish major and studied abroad for a year. As he lost sobriety, he started speaking with a Spanish accent, which was kind of cute. Hence his moniker for this blog.

We were in the cab and sparing you the specifics he figured out the timeline for when I broke up with 2.0. He was a little awkward about how soon it was, but I assured him he wasn't a rebound and he remembered that people use OKCupid for lots of things, and he himself had been on many many dates in the past few weeks.

We got back to my place, and I went to turn on the tv and he went to take off my shirt. I wanted to fool around. I wanted my new standards as well. I called him out that I explicitly said I didn't want to do this, he said we could stop. I said we could keep going.

It is what it is. I'm not proud of it. But it's not the biggest of deals. It's not like I rounded home or anything.

We were fooling around and establishing those roles that gays have to establish when they fool around. He said to me, "Not to weird you out, it's really not that big of a deal, but I've never bottomed before. Or else I would want to right now."

Now let's get one thing clear. It was the first night we met. As far as I was concerned, no one was bottoming (and no one did). But that's another possible issue in the future should this progress. That's a big deal for someone.

But the fooling around was good. Actually better than the majority of fooling around with 2.0.

He left this morning. And then I did something that I will possibly regret.

I was supposed to see my favorite singer in the world tomorrow with 2.0. Now I have an extra ticket. My one friend around here that likes him already will be there. My other friends either don't really care for him or don't know who he is. I'm sure Doris would have kept me company, but she's not the biggest fan of him. I sent out a mass text to see if anyone was interested or knew who he was. No one really responded.

So I invited The Faux Spaniard. I told him my cousin bailed on me so I had an extra ticket. So date #2 is much sooner than I wanted it to be (and a little more personal than I wanted it to be: this singer means a lot to me), but que sera sera. At least I have someone to go with me. And out of necessity it will be at least a week until date #3 if he earns it and wants it.

Next week I have dates lined up on Monday and Tuesday with the other two guys that I've been talking to. Just talked to one of them on the phone to make plans. I liked the sound of his voice.

A few days later..., by Rock

It stings, but it doesn't hurt. If I keep telling myself that, it's true, right?

I keep trying to remember all of the ways that he wasn't a perfect match, even though they were all imperfections I could live with.

I had saved one of his little wrapped Starburst presents. I decided that if I threw it away, I was attaching too much sentimental value to it, so I made myself eat them.

I hurried up and got on Connexion and OKCupid and changed my status to single and blocked him on both sites because it would have killed me if he got to it first.

And I've been doing pretty well. My friends are great at distracting me. Right now is a little rough. I had a few drinks with a friend while watching tv and cooking dinner. That was great fun. But then I got on OKCupid. Seriously there are some uggos on there. Seriously the one guy that is hot and has a high match rate with me has been online without writing me back. Still I'm shooting out messages and trying to aim high.

I'm really trying hard to be selective. There was a time where I wouldn't really worry if someone wanted kids or not. Now if they don't want kids, I won't message them even if they're uber-hot. If they're super Christian, I'm not down. If someone is witty and funny and seems amazing but not super attractive, sorry that I'm shallow but I really think it's nicer to just not engage than to realize in two weeks that their gut isn't working for me. I'm (finally) to the point where there are better things to do than to go on a first date with someone that is going to be a problem eventually.

I realized I shouldn't be looking for another guy to make me happy. I should recover on my own first. But a distraction is a distraction!

Since I was already feeling a little down, I emailed 2.0 to ask him to find a way to get some stuff back to me. I'm hoping he just mails it, but I can handle a 2 minute encounter if need be. I will not be picking it up though. It's on him. Not in a vindictive way, but in a "it's only fair" way.

Tomorrow night is going to be a little rough because I wanted to be at this concert with him, but what can you do? Blerg. :)

Leaving on a Jet Plane, by Rock

So it should come to no surprise to anyone reading this that I am a narcissist.

Not so much in the "god, I'm beautiful" way (okay, a little), but more in the "it's all about me" way.

And a lot of times, when someone is in a bad mood, I assume I have something to do with it.

I have to realize I'm not that important all of the time.

2.0 had the week of all weeks at work. Issues with a crazy coworker, getting ready for this big conference, it was rough for him. So he was more than a little distant the few times we got to talk. Since we had an at-odds weekend last weekend, I thought it had something to do with me. Either way, between last weekend and the distance during the week, I was really going to use the trip this weekend to evaluate the relationship.

To the point that I almost didn't want to see him last night, like we had had planned for over a week (RHOBH reunion, yo!). I thought that one more "off" night before the trip would be a bad idea.

Luckily, he had already started to relax. Like with a child, I rewarded the positive behavior: "You seem so much more relaxed tonight! I was worried about you the past few days."

As we were falling asleep, I told him (as we often do to each other), "I like you, mister."

He responded, "Haha. I don't know why."

"You told me how January was going to be. I totally get it. But yes, I am looking forward to February."

"Me too."

His busy month came at a really bad time relationship-wise. If it was the first month of dating, we probably would have only seen each other once a week and it would have been fine and normal. A few more months in, and we would have had a more solid foundation. The second month, at least where we were, seemed to be a lot about setting routine, and I'm not going to lie, I got a little scared. There are so many ways that we're a good match, however, that it was worth putting in the time to see how February will go. Judging by last night, it should be great.

I came home to pack and such, then I'll head back to his place with a bottle of champagne in hand (complete with subtextual message of "Your craziness is over for a few days, let's just have fun.") and suitcase rolling behind me. Can't wait!

By the way, everyone ask Doris if she burned her neck with a curling iron. I have no idea why she hasn't posted about that yet!

Annoying Pun with Alcohol Reference, by Rock

Saturday night I am at work and I get a text asking when I will be done: 2.0 and some friends are heading out and he would like me to join him. I tell him I should be done in about an hour. He says his phone is about to die, but I should meet him out. I tell him to give me his friend's number or text me from his friend's phone so I can find him when I get there. He says he will do that, tells me his friend's area code...

... and then I don't hear from him again.

I text him when I get delayed about fifteen minutes, no answer. I text him when I am leaving, no answer. I assume his phone has completely died by now. I don't know why he didn't text me from his friend's phone; not sure if he remembered my number incorrectly or his phone died before he could look at my number or what.

And now I have a dilemma. The bar I'm supposed to meet them at is big. Tons of rooms. There will be tons of guys there. It will be hard to find him. I don't know if he's even still there.

But I don't want him hanging out there waiting for me thinking I just ditched. So I go to this bar, I check my bags and coat, and I do three laps looking for him.

I don't see him. So I leave. I text him that I never heard from him, did three laps anyway and didn't see him. I told him I hoped he was having fun and to get home safely.

When I'm almost home (I live within walking distance of the bar), I get a text that he is at the front bar, then almost immediately "are you still awake?" and "I'll come sleep over." I text that I am almost home, he is welcome to and that I'll see him soon.

When he walks in the door, I express my frustration that I couldn't find me and all he had to do was actually text me from his friend's phone like he said he was going to. I got a small apology and an "I was drunk" as an explanation along with "I must have just forgot." It was not the heartfelt apology that I was looking for. So while I had been using I-statements and keeping my cool, I may have turned on a little bit of the Catholic mom and guilt at this point. I eventually got what sounded like a sincere apology, but I was still upset with the evening as we fell asleep.

The next morning as we started to wake up, I woke up still feeling upset. This is not a like-me trait. So I owned that I was still for some reason a little upset about the night before. He responded, "Oh I know. Just letting you get over it."

Not helpful. I've noticed that when he is in a funk, whether I've caused it or not, he wants to be left alone and get over it. I want a hug and normal conversation and engagement. I think he thought he was giving me what I needed, but it wasn't. And I didn't know how to ask for it.

So I was still upset with the night before and how it was handled. He was upset that I was still upset (I'm imagining, this wasn't explicitly covered). Neither of us were willing to leave it like this and just part ways, so we did what any other gays would do on a Sunday morning.

We brunched.

And it was awkward.

Then we awkwardly watched television and awkwardly tried to nap. Then we went to his place and played some video games. Maybe it was the change in location, but we started to feel like our old selves. And he tried to lend me a book, so it's not like he's thinking of ending it soon.

When I left his apartment, I almost immediately called him and worded my words very carefully.

"I wanted to apologize that I held on to my frustration with last night longer than I needed to. You apologized, it couldn't be fixed, and I should have moved on sooner."

To which he replied, "I really appreciate that."

I started to justify my actions a bit, but I remembered that justifying after the apology negates the apology. So I just cut myself off and said, "It shouldn't have continued through this morning. I wish it didn't."

And he said, "Like I said, I really appreciate that. We can definitely move on from here."

So there you have it. Our first "fight." Here's the thing though. I still take it as a big warning sign. Not so much his mistake. I don't think it's a mistake I would have made drunk, but everyone reacts differently. His flippant apology is what really bothered me, and I wish I explained that more.

I'm also still not sold on the big discussion earlier in the day. I feel like I have a much better view of his baggage, and that suitcase is a lot bigger than I thought it was. Still not sure if it's something I can carry-on, or if he'll have to check it (and if he's willing to do that).

But if I can be comfortable in this grey area, I feel like we do have a better grasp of who we are and what we can give each other, and I don't think he would disagree that we are both in a deep evaluation/wait-and-see phase right now. We won't see each other much this week, if at all, and then we leave on Friday for our trip. Our trip will be a big indicator. Then we won't see each other for another week at least because he's staying where we're going for work then going on another trip.

Waiting to evaluate a relationship until after a trip, after which he's leaving for another trip.

Deja

vu.

I've felt for a while that he's been evaluating me and it's made me self-conscious. Now that I've gotten over my optimistic, over-excited ass and realized that I still don't know him completely (should be a duh, but I needed reminded), I'm much more comfortable in the grey area and getting to know him. We both made a few mistakes this past weekend, and we'll look back at this weekend either as the start of a deeper, more substantial relationship or the beginning of the end. We shall see. I'll be fine either way. Honestly.

What do you think? Did I go overboard with the bar issue? Should I have pressed on for a bigger apology? Would you be cutting your losses or still pushing through? Isn't Adele's 21 the most amazing thing you've ever heard?

What's in a word?, by Rock

This morning we were lying in bed, when I conversationally mentioned that my mom was trying really hard to find a way to meet him but I told her it wouldn't work when she was trying. He laughed and said that he wasn't ready to meet parents anyway. I told him that I had a different relationship with my parents than he did, and it wasn't really a big deal.

But then I kind of bristled. I brought up the comment he made. I brought up the fact that Facebook said he was single (though apparently he changed that a few days ago and I didn't notice). I brought up that he avoided the word "boyfriend" like the plague at all times. I said that I felt he thought we were moving too quickly.

He admitted that yes, he was worried, and yes, the "boyfriend" word came too quickly, that he still wasn't ready for it. I called him out on me giving him quite a few chances to get out of that (yes, that conversation happened drunk, but the next morning I gave him an out and I also brought up a few days later that I thought he wasn't okay with it). We got on the same page eventually. I'm not moving as quickly as he thought I was. He's moving as slowly as I thought he was and not as quickly as he said he was. He admitted his faults in the matter. I admitted my insecurities in the matter. We acknowledged that it had been a stressful week for him with work and I got to deal with that. We acknowledged that we both have different expectations, but in the end want the same thing.

It was horribly stressful. It was all calm and a discussion, but it was a lot. We agreed we were both very happy with where we were in the moment. We fooled around (finally), went for breakfast, went shopping, and had a few drinks before I went to work. By the end of the day, everything was good again. We agreed it actually felt better since we were on the same page.

Hopefully now, we can finally move forward and see what happens.

Pajama Pants and Television, by Rock

On Tuesday he came over, I cooked dinner, we watched a movie, we fell asleep.

Oh Thursday I helped him run an errand, we picked up a frozen pizza and went back to his place, we watched TV, and fell asleep.

He told me January was going to be bad. He apologized over and over for how busy and tired he was going to be.

I'm trying to realize it means a lot that he even wants to share his necessary, quiet "alone" time. And by trying, I mean I do. And I do like quiet nights at home cooking dinner and relaxing. I just also like the occasional adventure and miss that excitement of a "date" instead of just "hanging out." And I like having sex.

The good thing is, I know we are on the same page. He warned me that January would be rough and he's continued the apologies. He keeps talking about how excited he is for the month to be over and our trip at the end of the month.

I asked him to help me go suit shopping on Saturday. He suggested I just spend the night tonight after work. I said that would be great, we could sleep in and then head over to the store. He added, "And have sexy times. It's been too long."

I just laughed and said, "Yup. I mean, I understand and get it and it's fine, but yup." And we laughed together and cuddled closer and fell asleep.

He has an evil ex as well, by Rock

First of all, Doris is on vacation with her family. She is alive and well, she drunk dialed me at 4:30a last night, but that explains her lack of updates. Hopefully she has found at least one guy to stick her tongue down while out on the town with her sister.

This weekend was an interesting one for me. If I was not at work, I was with 2.0. A lot of it was sleeping. I also did an IKEA run with him since I have a car and he doesn't. We had a fun date night. It's all been really good. It's definitely transitioned from "dating" to a "relationship." It's implicit that we want to see each other when we can, and when I'm surprised that after the IKEA trip he wants to buy me lunch and then even more surprised when he wants to take a nap with me before I go to work, maybe I shouldn't be anymore. Maybe I should give him the gift of respecting his feelings for me.

For a hot second I was trying to push a little too much affection. A lot of his stories about boys in the past end with "and then I decided we would work better as friends." I decided to get all nervous that we were headed in that direction, but then I calmed the fuck down. If that happens, it'll happen. It'll have nothing to do with the fact that it's happened before. I've made that realization with plenty of guys before as well. I realized how nice it feels to have fallen in this relationship zone and it feels good. That's enough comfort.

Last night I was at work and he texted me to ask when I would be done. I immediately knew that something was wrong. I thought it was awesome that I knew it wasn't about me or "us" at all, but something external. I said I was at work for a while, but asked if everything was okay. He said that it was, and we said our good nights.

We talked today to catch up and he brought up what was going on. Apparently an ex and his ex's mother are going to be in town and his ex wants the three of them to have dinner. This is his big one, the one that broke his heart and got away. His equivalent of EE#5, except his might have been a bigger douchebag about it. Anyway, he wanted to make sure it was okay and kind of talk it out. He wasn't even sure he wanted to see him. His ex knew about me of course. They had a buffer since his ex's mom was going to be there...

I am happy to report that I handled this like an AMAZING boyfriend. I told him I was fully supportive of whatever was best for him. I talked about the closure I felt after a lunch with EE#5. I told him of course trust wasn't even an issue and I knew he was happy with me. I made it sound like not a big deal at all (which it really isn't), as far as I was concerned, that he should do what was best for him: he was under no obligation to have dinner if he didn't want to, but if he thought it would be beneficial for him, then he should definitely do it.

The fact that he was even "asking" permission showed me that there were some residual feelings (He's friends with a few other exes, and has never asked permission to hang out with them. He's just seeing his friend. I'm never worried.). There's no way of asking if these feelings are of love or anger. I'm sure it's a combination of both. He admitted that if he goes (which it looks like he will), that it'll be because he's looking for closure. Which I hope he gets.

I'll be a little nervous on Wednesday, but it'll be for him, not for us. We're solid.

I'm sandwiching his Wednesday night with his Evil Ex with Tuesday and Thursday plans with me. Remind him how great he's got it now. Sometimes passive aggressiveness can be used for good!

But in all seriousness, it's almost nice to see him a little shaky about something. It reminds me that he's human, and it makes him all the more endearing.

Real Thing vs. Best Thing

After a delightful date on Tuesday (he made me pizza with homemade dough and my favorite toppings, then we listened to music and played Scrabble), I haven't gotten a chance to talk to 2.0 other than texts and emails since. I miss the sound of the voice. I need it. I can hear that everything is okay and wonderful in the subtext and I don't get insecure. But I'm in a little bit of a mood right now, and as is on his way (we're supposed to get naked and get down (sorry for the TMI), then go to dinner and a concert at a coffee shop. It sounds perfect, but whether it's my insecurities, my fear that he's illogically decided things are working out in the past 48 hours, or just that I'm tired, I'm not in the mood, I'm not ready for him to come over.

And I'm so damn self-aware that I can't just be in a bad mood when he gets here. I don't want to be unattractive, so I'll put on a show. But what's more unattractive, insincerity or a little bit of grumpiness?

I want to be cheered up, but I don't want to know that I want to be cheered up.

Part of the issue is the planned sex (see, I brought it up for a reason). I like it to happen naturally. If I'm not in the mood, I'm not going to want to go there. I want him to get me there, but first I have to cheer up and wake up.

I'm really afraid I'm going to fuck this all up. I know what kind of person I want to be, I'm good at presenting that person at the beginning of a new relationship, and then the cracks begin to show.

God forbid someone love me despite these flaws. I don't know if that's something I'm interested in. I want someone to expect as much from me as I expect from myself.

I'm kind of just waiting for him to tell me he's not into me anymore. And I'm realizing how many issues I have from EE#5 that I haven't really had to deal with before (I wasn't that invested in EE#6). And I'm realizing that these issues could be the catalyst to the end so I should just get over it.

The funny thing is, I'm not 100% sold on him yet. He's shown a few cracks as well. Just a few. But I'm a lot more forgiving of him than I am of myself.

It's All Good, by Doris

Image via Zeitgeist World

Recently, a reader complained to me about our blog's tagline: "a girl, her gay, and six months of online dating."

The complaint addressed the fact that no human being owns anyone else, so I most definitely do not own Rock, and therefore he is not "my gay."

Valid logic.

I will say that I've always hated the whole "gay boyfriend" trend, because I feel it's genuine friendships relegated to some kind of fashion accessory for a neurotic woman who can't get any. For this reason, I was never a fan of Will and Grace. Also, that new show Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys just looks insulting to me. Especially when the chick whines in the preview, "you're marrying another guy? It should be meeeeee!"

No.

Were I ever to get married, qualification #1 for my husband is WANTING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.

For the record, Rock is my best friend. He's been my best friend since two years before he came out of the closet. He's my best friend because we share many passions and values, we have a similar worldview, and most importantly, we have a hell of a lot of fun together.

This is why all my friends are, in fact, my friends. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. I don't regard anyone as my accessory, and while I may be neurotic, that's neither here nor there.

(Plus, I can and do get some.)

Most of all, lovely readers--and we appreciate all of you, we just wish you'd comment more!--I want to assure you that our apparently controversial tagline?

Was the brainchild of none other than the "gay" in question.

Yup, it was Rock's idea.

Monthiversary, by Rock

Forgive me, Doris, and the three others that read our blog. I haven't really needed to update for a while because life happened the way it happens and I didn't get to see 2.0 for 4 whole days. He had a cold, I have a job with weird hours, it had been a bit. We joked about how we had both had a feeling of "this is way too long!" before realizing that we were being about as stupid as you could get. We both gave each other the official press release of "Life happens, I will see you when I see you, and you don't have to worry about me getting needy." Which was good. Absence makes the heart grown fonder, right?

I had suggested that we see a revival of a play that I love so so so much that was getting rave reviews (how I would love to bring up the play, because it would be interesting to talk about, but I don't want to give away our city). He had never seen it, wasn't familiar with it at all, so I told him to refrain from googling it, bought tickets, and we met up on Thursday night.

I was a bit worried at first, he wouldn't quite make eye contact and it just felt distant, until he admitted that work had been super busy and he was not letting go as easily as he would have liked. By the first intermission, everything was back to business as usual. In fact, there was an extra little spark there since we hadn't seen each other every other day like we had been doing.

When we got back to my place, I called him out on the fact that we had both had taken a step back and really evaluated things, even at the expense of intimacy, after we had the DTR (define the relationship talk) and had sex for the first time. He agreed. We talked about how it was necessary for both of us, and we were glad we both passed.

I had a little present for him. He loves Oprah (Every gay man has their cliche. For example, I like musicals. He likes Oprah and female vocalists.), and I had stumbled across an Oprah pen. Also, he had never tried coconut M&Ms, which is unacceptable so I bought him a pack.

Then I made him a mix CD. It was a somewhat romantic mix CD. I realized the possible freak-out potential and I did it anyway. It was like word vomit, except much more calculated as I actually sat down and made him a CD and loaded it with romantic songs.

The second he pulled out the CD (which I had titled "If We Are Acting Like 14-Year-Olds, I Have to Make You a Mix"), I issued the disclaimer that it was a romantic mix, but clearly we weren't at the level that most of these people were singing about. If he could not read into it and get freaked out, that would be great.

The next morning I made him coffee and sent him off to work. We were texting each other about Beverly Hills Housewives and how he was going to listen to the CD and write with his Oprah pen all day.

The CD started off (naturally) with Jenna from 30 Rock singing "Muffin Top." He sent a text that he loved the CD already from the first song.

And then I didn't hear about it again. Three possible occurances (That's a word, right? Spell check is telling me otherwise.):

1- He read into it.

2- We don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on music.

3- He got really busy at work.

Old Rock would have had an anxiety attack. New Rock relaxed and resisted looking crazy.

He worked all day, I worked all night, but the plan was for me to go over to his place and climb into bed with him after work, so we could wake up together and stupidly celebrate our "monthiversary."

(Tangent: You can't celebrate a 1 month anniversary or a 6 month anniversary. Anni- means year.)

When I had brought up spending the day together, I acknowledged the silliness of it, but the fact of the matter was, most guys didn't make it that far with me. He said that most guys didn't make it that far with him either, which I knew, but I thought it would be presumptuous to point it out.

So I did indeed climb into bed with him, we did indeed wake up in the morning to watch Beverly Hills Housewives (see above conversation about cliches), drink coffee, have sex, go get brunch and Bloody Marys (see above conversation about cliches), watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, play Mario for the Wii, and play cards.

I asked if he liked the mix CD, he said he did, but didn't offer anything more. But as we listened to his iTunes on shuffle later, I realized that while we both don't necessarily mind the same kinds of music, our favorites don't necessarily line up. For example, next month we are seeing a Josh Ritter concert (my treat) and a Robyn concert (his). We are both good sports, we'll both have a good time, but yeah. So I made the dorky mix, and the gesture was appreciated even if the music wasn't. I'm okay with that.

It was awesome. He was even more snuggly and romantic than usual.

I left for work, he started to get ready to have dinner with a friend, and I eventually got a text that he and his friend were waiting for me at a bar near my place. I told him that I wouldn't be leaving work for at least another hour, but I'd try (it was already late). An hour turned into two and they left. I felt a little badly at first, but it was his call to try and wait, not mine. I could sympathize without blaming myself. He suggested I come over and spend the night again, but in all honesty, I was tired and just wanted my own bed and needed to be productive this morning. Which was all good.

This lack of drama has to be ridiculously boring! I'm sorry! Stay tuned: we have to fight eventually, right?

And So It Goes, by Rock

Last night, two of my very good friends (pretty much my only set of "couple" friends that I approve of the relationship 100%) were in town. 2.0 and I met up with them for dinner and board games. It was BY FAR the most fun I've ever had on a double date. He held his own quite well, and it wasn't long before the friends were whispering their approvals.

On the walk back to my place, he invited me to accompany him in about 4 weeks on a the first half of a business trip to one of my favorite cities in the world. I told him I would love to if it worked out. I then said (About 7 beers in. Bravery in a bottle):

"So if you're inviting me on trips, what exactly are we? Are we ready for that word?"

This led to a conversation right inside my front door where we talked about what the b-word means to us: the honor and pride and seriousness it conveys. We both felt emotionally "there," but felt that if it was used too early it could cheapen it. We both admitted that we would be each other's next boyfriend. We talked again about how we were dating exclusively. I weighed all of this in my head and considered the following:

-I like his friends. His friends like me.

-He likes my friends. My friends like him.

-He likes me, and shows and tells this numerous times a day.

-He's considerate and kind.

-We want the same things in life.

-Using the b-word doesn't mean you're married. It just means that you think the other person is special and you're excited for the potential future.

-He has a really big penis.

I told him that whether it was tonight or in twenty more dates, he had a boyfriend when he wanted one. I told him to mull it over. He told me that yes, we should be boyfriends.

So I have a boyfriend. Time will tell if he's "the one" or the future EE#7.

And then...

We finally had sex. Eyes rolling back into their sockets sex. Keeping my douchebag-neighbor-who-so-had-it-coming up at 4a because I'm screaming so loud sex. Was sore all day today sex.

Totally worth the wait.

This morning I told him my concerns about the trip. I have had issues in the past (EE#2 with the lease and EE#5 with the Australia trip) where relationships went on longer than they should because of "plans." I told him my condition would be that I had flight insurance and he would promise to break-up with me if he was over it before the trip and not just "get through" that weekend.

He understood where I was coming from and agreed. I thought about it all day, and decided that one of my resolutions for 2011 was to go to this city, I will have a free hotel, I will have someone helping with airfare, I'm all about just acting like things are going to go my way because they usually do, yes. I'm going.

After we discussed the trip, we did one of my favorite things that we do where we lie in bed and hold each other and talk about how awesome we are. I call them (to his face, I totally call us out) our "patting ourselves on the backs conversations." It's not the catchiest name, but I'm working on it. This morning it was about how lucky we are that we're both really sweet and cuddly but then still really like sex and think it's important.

I can hear you gag as you read this.

Disabled, not Deleted, by Rock

Happy Holidays to the six of you that read this!

2.0 and I both went to our respective families for the holiday, but we talked on the phone and texted. We both got back on Sunday, and when I didn't have to go to work, he invited me out to have a few drinks with him and his oldest friend.

I was a little nervous about winning over this straight, opinionated guy that I had heard so many stories about, but we all seemed to have a good time. 2.0 and I are sliding into that couple role very nicely. When his friend was in the bathroom, we remarked to each other that every time we see each other it just feels better and better, when according to the time before seemed impossible (sorry for your gag reflexes).

Which brings me to the heart of this post. I just got on Connexion and marked myself as "Exclusively Dating." I just got on OKCupid and disabled my account. It will still be there in all its glory should I choose to sign in again, but I was tired of getting messages from guys, especially the guys that I would maybe be interested in if I was single, and feeling no desire to write them back. I'm investing myself for the time being in this. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but this is where I am now and it's unfair to anyone looking at my profile to think otherwise.

Of course, the time I log in to disable the account, 2.0 finally pops up as a suggested match.

Speaking of, I really don't care if he disables his account or not. I won't be checking in on him. I don't think I'm ready for the "boyfriend" talk. This is just where I'm at now. This one is about me.

The Final Evil Ex and MORE, by Rock

(I know this is #6, but Scott Pilgrim has 5 & 6 on the same poster. NOTHING I CAN DO. )

So MONTHS after EE#5, I met a guy at a party and we seemed to click and yada yada yada we started seeing each other. It was pretty low stakes for me. He was applying to med schools and I was already thinking about moving. And this was fine. He honestly wasn't anyone I saw any long-term potential in, but I figured that as long as we were on the same page, we could have some fun.

This was also my attempt at applying all of the changes I wanted in my relationship style after having my heart broken. I was to be more confident, less emotionally-attached at the beginning, and know and convey what I wanted from the relationship.

And all in all, everything went really well. It was a very fun summer. And he said he was on the same page about just enjoying ourselves before we went our separate ways.

Except he wasn't playing by the same rules as me. It was very clear that he was falling in LOVE. Talk about how maybe he would be accepted to a med school in the city I was moving to started sneaking into the conversation. He was getting a little more clingy...

SHUT IT DOWN.

As the song goes, sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. Despite his pleading to keep dating until I moved, I played the "I've found myself already emotionally detaching from you and this city" card (that's a card?) and after a tearful night on his part and feeling like an ass on my part, it was over.

Actually, I'm pretty pleased with how I handled this relationship and there's really not a lot of baggage. If anything, it reiterates a lesson learned from EE#2: It's not my job to play detective. I should be able to take what you say at face value. If you're lying about how you feel, that's on you, not me.

So while there's not really any baggage, there also weren't really any stakes.

And I've started to realize this morning that there are stakes right now. For the first time since EE#5, I could have my heartbroken again. Despite trying to take it slow, feelings are clearing developing, and I am going to have to trust this (albeit seemingly wonderful) man to not hurt me.

That's really scary.

Evil Ex #5, by Rock

So once upon a time, in between the two stories of EE#4, when I was 24-years-old, I met a very cute 20-year-old college student on Connexion. We started talking and decided to go on a date. I realized the dangers of dating a newly-out 20-year-old college student, but I decided we could just have a fun night or two and it didn't have to turn into anything.

Except that it did. I fell madly in love with him. Yes, I was concerned that he was so young and so "new," but he assured me over and over that he couldn't ever see himself needing to play the field and his sister had been with her first boyfriend for the last five years.

So I let things develop. And develop they did. I got along super well with his friends, his dog, his parents (they got a holiday card from me last year). He came home for a visit with me and got along super well with my friends and family.

He honestly was the first person (and up to this point only) person that I've ever thought I could spend the rest of my life with. It was that good. Even the guy I lived with, I think I always realized that I was young enough that it would never be forever with him. I guess that should have been a warning sign for this one.

It was all going amazingly well until he left to study abroad in Australia. He had told me he was planning to go when we met, but it was five months away, and it was never supposed to get super serious anyway. But as it drew nearer, we had to address it. I was very okay with letting him have his five months away and then starting to date again when he came back if it felt right. I didn't want to hinder his experience there at all. For the record, he was the one who wanted to make it work. We bought webcams, we got Skype accounts, I bought tickets to visit him two months in.

And for a while it worked really well. And then it didn't. I felt him getting more distant. The emails got shorter. The Skype dates were few and far between. And I was torn. I wanted him to have the experience he needed over there, but as my friends reminded me, there were two of us in the relationship, and my needs needed to be met as well.

I wrote him a message explaining the distance I had been feeling, and he wrote back that he was feeling it as well. We decided to enjoy our trip together and see if that helped.

I cannot express how awful it was waiting two weeks for the trip. Waiting the 18 hours on the plane. Waiting the cab ride over to his dorm from the airport. Even the trip itself was the most "bipolar" experience of my life. On one hand, I was out of North America for the first time of my life and exploring this amazing city and country. On the other hand, I knew I was "auditioning" to keep my relationship and pretty sure I was failing.

The day I left was the day he left for spring break. We agreed to not talk about the big elephant in the room until he got back. So there was another two weeks of awful dreadful waiting. I wrote him a note with one last plea that even if we took a break for the rest of his trip, there was something worth fighting for and I wanted to pick up where we left off when he got back.

He wrote back a very sweet note that while he loved me, I didn't fit into his life right now and he needed to end the relationship. Maybe we would start up again when he got back, but it couldn't be a definite.

And that was that. Except that it wasn't. Because I still held onto the hope that it would in fact start up again. And then when it didn't, I held onto the hope that maybe he just needed a few months at home before he'd want me back in his life. But he didn't. And I got the hint eventually.

It's the first time I've ever had a broken heart. I feel like I became a man from this experience. I literally got some wrinkles I hadn't had before. Maybe it was coincidence, but I really don't think it was.

We had lunch before I moved back and it was nice to see him without an agenda. We caught up and wished each other well, and I can honestly say there is no regrets. I wish him the best.

But fuck that hurt.

Lessons and baggage:

1- I used to think it was important if you liked the same movies. Now I realize that nothing is more important than having the same long-term and short-term goals. So maybe it's awkward to talk about, but rest assured on that first date I am going to mention the house and dog and kids in my future and that I'm not just dating for dating's sake anymore. I'd rather have one awkward date on the first date than an awkward date a month or two into dating.

2- Especially with things going so well with 2.0 (There's only one time before that the beginning of a relationship has felt this good. GUESS WHICH ONE.), I'm very cognizant of the fact that my heart could be broken again. I haven't put up a giant prison wall around my heart, but there is a small fence that you're going to have to jump over if you want in.

3- I won't say that I loved him more, but I was definitely more invested than him. I kind of didn't mind that feeling, but now I do. Jesus Christ, please don't smother me, but I want to feel special as well. I read once that the best relationship is a contest of generosity. Maybe I don't mind if I win (in fact, I probably prefer it), but I need you to compete.

4- No more college students or new gays.