Annoying Pun with Alcohol Reference, by Rock

Saturday night I am at work and I get a text asking when I will be done: 2.0 and some friends are heading out and he would like me to join him. I tell him I should be done in about an hour. He says his phone is about to die, but I should meet him out. I tell him to give me his friend's number or text me from his friend's phone so I can find him when I get there. He says he will do that, tells me his friend's area code...

... and then I don't hear from him again.

I text him when I get delayed about fifteen minutes, no answer. I text him when I am leaving, no answer. I assume his phone has completely died by now. I don't know why he didn't text me from his friend's phone; not sure if he remembered my number incorrectly or his phone died before he could look at my number or what.

And now I have a dilemma. The bar I'm supposed to meet them at is big. Tons of rooms. There will be tons of guys there. It will be hard to find him. I don't know if he's even still there.

But I don't want him hanging out there waiting for me thinking I just ditched. So I go to this bar, I check my bags and coat, and I do three laps looking for him.

I don't see him. So I leave. I text him that I never heard from him, did three laps anyway and didn't see him. I told him I hoped he was having fun and to get home safely.

When I'm almost home (I live within walking distance of the bar), I get a text that he is at the front bar, then almost immediately "are you still awake?" and "I'll come sleep over." I text that I am almost home, he is welcome to and that I'll see him soon.

When he walks in the door, I express my frustration that I couldn't find me and all he had to do was actually text me from his friend's phone like he said he was going to. I got a small apology and an "I was drunk" as an explanation along with "I must have just forgot." It was not the heartfelt apology that I was looking for. So while I had been using I-statements and keeping my cool, I may have turned on a little bit of the Catholic mom and guilt at this point. I eventually got what sounded like a sincere apology, but I was still upset with the evening as we fell asleep.

The next morning as we started to wake up, I woke up still feeling upset. This is not a like-me trait. So I owned that I was still for some reason a little upset about the night before. He responded, "Oh I know. Just letting you get over it."

Not helpful. I've noticed that when he is in a funk, whether I've caused it or not, he wants to be left alone and get over it. I want a hug and normal conversation and engagement. I think he thought he was giving me what I needed, but it wasn't. And I didn't know how to ask for it.

So I was still upset with the night before and how it was handled. He was upset that I was still upset (I'm imagining, this wasn't explicitly covered). Neither of us were willing to leave it like this and just part ways, so we did what any other gays would do on a Sunday morning.

We brunched.

And it was awkward.

Then we awkwardly watched television and awkwardly tried to nap. Then we went to his place and played some video games. Maybe it was the change in location, but we started to feel like our old selves. And he tried to lend me a book, so it's not like he's thinking of ending it soon.

When I left his apartment, I almost immediately called him and worded my words very carefully.

"I wanted to apologize that I held on to my frustration with last night longer than I needed to. You apologized, it couldn't be fixed, and I should have moved on sooner."

To which he replied, "I really appreciate that."

I started to justify my actions a bit, but I remembered that justifying after the apology negates the apology. So I just cut myself off and said, "It shouldn't have continued through this morning. I wish it didn't."

And he said, "Like I said, I really appreciate that. We can definitely move on from here."

So there you have it. Our first "fight." Here's the thing though. I still take it as a big warning sign. Not so much his mistake. I don't think it's a mistake I would have made drunk, but everyone reacts differently. His flippant apology is what really bothered me, and I wish I explained that more.

I'm also still not sold on the big discussion earlier in the day. I feel like I have a much better view of his baggage, and that suitcase is a lot bigger than I thought it was. Still not sure if it's something I can carry-on, or if he'll have to check it (and if he's willing to do that).

But if I can be comfortable in this grey area, I feel like we do have a better grasp of who we are and what we can give each other, and I don't think he would disagree that we are both in a deep evaluation/wait-and-see phase right now. We won't see each other much this week, if at all, and then we leave on Friday for our trip. Our trip will be a big indicator. Then we won't see each other for another week at least because he's staying where we're going for work then going on another trip.

Waiting to evaluate a relationship until after a trip, after which he's leaving for another trip.

Deja

vu.

I've felt for a while that he's been evaluating me and it's made me self-conscious. Now that I've gotten over my optimistic, over-excited ass and realized that I still don't know him completely (should be a duh, but I needed reminded), I'm much more comfortable in the grey area and getting to know him. We both made a few mistakes this past weekend, and we'll look back at this weekend either as the start of a deeper, more substantial relationship or the beginning of the end. We shall see. I'll be fine either way. Honestly.

What do you think? Did I go overboard with the bar issue? Should I have pressed on for a bigger apology? Would you be cutting your losses or still pushing through? Isn't Adele's 21 the most amazing thing you've ever heard?