Texts From an (Evil) Ex, by Doris

On Tuesday night, in the midst of texting with my Russian, I receive another message:

"Haven't talked to you in a while. What's up?"

Ex-calibur strikes a-fucking-gain.

Since early November, when I found out from other sources he has a serious girlfriend--this is after I hadn't heard from him in two months and I figured he had a relationship goin' on--Ex-calibur has texted me once before. Right after Thanksgiving, ostensibly to see how my Thanksgiving was.

And now he wants to know "What's up?"

UGH.

Back in November, I texted my Thanksgiving was great and I hoped his went well too. This was after a frantic text to Rock, wondering if I should even respond to this inanity. Rock said yes, because if I ignored the text, it would look like I was mad at him and therefore a bitch. As usual, Rock was right. So I texted Ex-calibur back, he said, "good to know" and that was that.

Back to Tuesday night.

I told him I was fine and went back to texting the Russian.

But Ex-calibur wasn't finished. He wanted to know how work was. Then, how I was doing outside of work.

Seriously?

I texted back polite but short answers, then ended the last text with, "Hope you are well. Have a good night!" At this point, I didn't care about being rude. I just wanted to get off the damn phone (or text?).

He responded, "Good night," so I guess he got the message.

Now, before you write me off as a total bitter bitch who doesn't want to be friends with her ex, please hear me out:

As I said in an early post, Ex-calibur did nothing wrong by getting a girlfriend. We were not in an exclusive relationship, and when I didn't hear from him in a while, I assumed that's what was going on. I wish him well, I really do.

That said, I have no interest in being friends right now.

I'm not saying I want him out of my life permanently. We have a shared history. It might indeed be nice to catch up sometime.

However, he has been in my life one way or the other, FOR FOURTEEN YEARS. I am 30. You do the math.

If this makes me an un-hip chick, so be it, but I need not to talk to Ex-calibur for a while. I need to live my life, date other dudes, acknowledge that he is a part of my past and my past informs my future and I can learn from him and all that, all while not speaking to him. Maybe someday we and our respective significant others can have dinner together and laugh. Maybe Ex-calibur and I can get a sense of closure as Rock did with Evil Ex #5 shortly before he moved.

I need at least six months before I make that decision.

And here's the other thing:

I don't think Ex-calibur texted me just to catch up.

He doesn't do that. Fourteen years with the man taught me that he uses shooting the shit as a warmup for dropping a big ole bomb.

I could have told him to stop beating around the bush and asked what's up.

But quite frankly, I was sick of his coyness and didn't feel like coaxing it out of him.

Maybe he and his girlfriend broke up. Maybe she's knocked up. Maybe they've shacked up. Honestly, a little Facebook investigation could probably provide me with answers.

But what's the point? What's happened has happened.

And obviously, he was too big of a wuss to tell me. Which is his problem and not mine.

Is it so bad if I don't want to know? Not that I'm super-jealous or sad or whatever. But he doesn't owe me an explanation. He's living his life, I'm living mine. If I hear the news from other people, I'll deal.

Complicated, I know.

If he texts me again, he's getting a very polite email saying I wish him well and perhaps we can be friends someday, but please do not contact me again for six months.

A cool girl would be hunky-dory, be there for him, try to coax the news out of him and be a fucking cheerleader.

I ain't a cool girl.