I Have No Idea What Happened Last Night, by Rock

And because I have no idea what happened last night, I'm going to go over all of the details to try to figure it out.

First of all, on Sunday I was with the Couple and we were doing these personality analysis things. Mine talked a lot about how prevalent the idea of sacrifice was in my life, whether I gave up things because of a sense of duty or to please my parents and how it probably didn't feel like sacrifice to me, it just felt like doing the right thing. It talked about how I demand sacrifice from important people in my life. The word "sacrifice" made me really uncomfortable and I was not okay with this analysis at all, but I have been mulling it over and wondering if there is some truth to it.

(For the record, the rest of the night with The Couple was really fun. I think I want to start transitioning into just a friendship, but that is neither here nor there, I want to talk about last night. Not Sunday.)

Last night I worked but then was supposed to head over to Charlie's to watch a movie and most likely have a sleepover. A sleepover had been close to happening last time, but because of things like contact solution and early morning classes on his part, we decided to wait until next time.

You might remember that Charlie lives in the same building, on the same floor as 2.0. However, I really thought I was over this and it wouldn't be a big deal, even if I did run into him.

But I was really looking forward to hanging out with Charlie. We had been cute texting all week, he has a lot going for him, it was going to be fun. All of work, I was really excited to head over and relax and probably get laid.

Then I got a text during work asking if I had seen "I Love You, Phillip Morris" because it was "finally out" and supposed to be "incredible." I said I hadn't and that was definitely an option. But for some reason, and I don't know why, this annoyed me a bit. Call me petty. I would definitely see that movie out of curiosity, but I would probably do most things out of curiosity. I slept with a girl a little over a year ago just to "see what it was like." But that's another story.

I jumped in a cab and headed to his place after work, and I am not going to lie: it was a little weird giving 2.0's address. I had taken that cab ride so many times in December and January. I exited the cab at the grocery store with the Redbox where 2.0 and I had done so many frozen pizza and beer runs (to be fair, this was also my grocery store for most of college, so let's not get overly nostalgic for 2.0). And to be honest, at this point, this was all just a little weird. I wasn't freaking out about it. Yeah I would prefer to not run into 2.0, but it was actually all just kind of amusing.

Charlie got down there and we started looking at movies and immediately he was just annoying to me. I think he was just really excited to be hanging out with me, and that is very sweet, but it manifested itself into this hyper energy that was just not appealing. Something about his movie tastes were just a little off-putting. It's hard to describe, I'm usually not that snob, but I just recall thinking "What was I thinking?" This guy is not for me.

We decided on The Switch. We went back up to his place, and I felt a little like I was trespassing but again it was just weird more than anything. I remember being ready for anything when I got off the elevator on that floor, but that moment quickly passed, we turned right instead of left, and all was well.

Looking back at it, it was almost rude how when we got into his room, I just started turning on his TV and putting the movie in, but the small talk was taking a while, and I knew he had to get up so early. I didn't make a big deal of it, I was just getting ready for our night. But I probably should have just let him do it. I could have even suggested that he do it, but I just did it. Which strikes me as weird now. At this point, his energy was still just really kind of bugging me.

We watched the movie lying in his bed just kind of touching. About halfway through he put his head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around him.

For the record, the movie is great. It was definitely a bit more serious than we thought it was going to be, but I really enjoyed it a lot. Add it to your queue.

The whole movie though I was dreading about after. I knew that no hard feelings, but I really didn't want to see him again after this. The energy just wasn't there like I thought it was. I was mad at myself for thinking it was. I was confused as to why it wasn't there anymore, but I knew it would be awful to fool around and spend the night and then never want to see him again. I knew it was easier short-term, but not overall.

Earlier in the day before work I was reading this short story by Lorrie Moore called "What Is Seized. It is narrated by this woman recalling growing up with a "cold man" for a father and the toll it took on her mother. It was a beautiful, haunting story, all the more so because I had this realization that I am attracted to "cold men." Men that could lure you in with charm, but then left you gasping for some emotional connection. 2.0 strikes me as one, for example, and if you worked through my evil exes you could probably find a few more.

So now I had this guy who was so excited to have me over and in his bed that he was practically bouncing off of the walls and that energy, that excitement over me was so off-putting that I considered myself completely over this guy. What exactly is wrong with me?

After the movie he started kissing me and every kiss was awful for me. I felt trapped and claustrophobic. I kept thinking about this "sacrifice" I was going to have to make of fooling around with this guy I wasn't into. He could tell that something was a bit up.

"Are you tired?" he asked me.

"A little. Are you?" I replied.

"No. Should I be?"

We continued kissing as it because more and more apparent to me that I could not spend the night. Absolutely not. My head rushed for excuses and reasons that wouldn't crush this sweet boy that did nothing wrong.

Finally I had a moment of genius.

"I'm sorry," I began, "It's just so weird for me knowing that he's just a few doors down. I made it sounds like I was over him more than I was, but he really broke my heart."

He was empathetic. "I knew something was wrong. I'm just glad it's not me. I thought I did something wrong."

We did the little dance, both commenting on how similar the apartments looked. Me apologizing and saying how stupid I felt.

He asked if I wanted to just go to bed. I said I thought it was better if I left.

I felt like the biggest dick in the world. He was crushed. But at least his feelings were spared a little bit. I gave him an awkward hug good-bye at the door.

Walking to the train station, I wondered if there was any truth to my excuse. It certainly felt a bit true, but I could have just really bought into it in order to sell it to Charlie. My current guess is that it was a little more uncomfortable for me to be there than I was allowing myself to admit, but that being said, it wouldn't have worked out with Charlie anyway, and I was lucky to have such a good excuse right there. I looked like a fool, but a sacrifice I am willing to make in order to spare his feelings a bit.

I am a little surprised that he hasn't texted me anything about last night. I think he knows that it is completely over and completely awkward. Not sure if I owe him an "Again I'm really sorry" text or not.

But anyway, that was my night. I'm still a little confused by it. If someone can figure it out better than I have, by all means, please don't be shy.

I Really Miss Sleeping, by Rock

Yesterday I was doing some quick matches on OKCupid when I rated this hot guy with the most amazing nose (don't laugh) a 5. I don't do that often. I quickly got a message that he rated me highly as well, followed by a message asking me if I would want to grab a drink sometime. I'm not used to being out right away, I know Doris kind of hates it, but I didn't mind the directness because he was so cute. I told him my schedule was crazy, but if he was patient, I totally would like to grab a drink soon. I gave him my number and soon got a text apologizing for being forward, but would I like to grab a drink that night seeing as he was leaving for out of town the next day. Sure, I said.

We met after work at a relaxed wine bar. We had a pretty good time. I was pretty tired and felt particularly inarticulate. I walked him home and was invited upstairs where we watched a tiny bit of tv. It was clear he didn't want a kiss good night, but did want me to text him when I got home. Which I did, saying that I was intrigued and wouldn't mind a round two. I didn't get a response. Which I didn't lose sleep about.

The Couple also texted me during the day yesterday to make plans for this weekend. I also suggested that they come into my work for drinks and dessert. They did. It was kind of odd to serve them and flirt with both of them, but it was super nice of them to visit. We have plans for Sunday. Not sure exactly what is going on here.

Tonight was round two with Charlie. I can't put my finger on this one. Looks wise, he is a cute little guy but so not my type. Still I can't help but think he's adorable when I'm around him. He's funny, articulate, clever, likes a lot of the same things as me. We have a good time.

Tonight we went to get pizza and ice cream before coming back to my place to watch Survivor (like I said, we're both obsessed). We were sitting very close on the couch and soon after the show ended we were kissing and things got very heated. I picked him up carried him to my bed and we started taking each other's clothes off.

Normally here I would want to have a talk about how far things were going to go or make some excuse about how I usually don't do this (lie) or blah. This time I simply said, "I trust that you'll let me know if I go too far" to which he replied, "Same goes for you."

And he did stop me before it went all the way, but it was fun to toss him around a while and be aggressive. There was definitely a sexual connection there.

He has class in the morning and couldn't stay the night this time, but there are plans for a sleepover next time.

He tried to do the whole "I usually don't go that far" act and I just said "There was a connection, we acted on it, we had a good time. It's all good on my end."

So Charlie, The Couple, the guy from the bar the other night that I'm supposed to grab coffee with, and then there's another guy I've been messaging on OKCupid that I am intrigued by and want to meet. I am feeling a little overwhelmed.

Gays Like Brunch, by Rock

First of all, a very happy belated Opening Day to all of our readers! A bigger deal than Christmas and my birthday combined, I hope that your teams (both real and fantasy) are doing as well as mine.

First of all, I'm not sure how long Scrubs is going to be in the picture, if at all. We had been texting a bit what with baseball starting (my team started off wonderfully, his did not) and realized we were both going to be out on Friday.

But then as a text he did something that drives me crazy. He called me "bud." Bud is what I call someone if I'm trying to assert that I just see them as a friend even though they might have a crush. Bud is what I call my buds. Bud is not a cute nickname for boys I like. It confuses me when guys use it as such. So I made a joke out of it: "Bud? Have I crossed into the friend zone already?" His response: "Look BUDDY. If you're going to be like that than YES. I'll be by you guys soon. Keep in touch." I don't think he was actually annoyed, I think he was just playing along. I said I was just checking because I thought he was adorable. He said he was going to come buy us shots.

My friend had to get up early and we actually didn't get to meet up. I haven't heard from him since, and I think I will wait to hear from him before moving forward with him. My read is that he is busy in med school, and wants something super super casual. Something in theory I want, but in practice don't do well at. I want to be involved on some level, even if I don't get to see you very often.

And then I went out with the dental student on Saturday for brunch. We're going to call him Charlie, because we talked Survivor for a lot of the date and he reminds me of Charlie from a few seasons back a little bit.

The whole date was a bit of a blur because of my sinus medication. Seriously this spring is trying to kill me.

Charlie is not exactly my type. A little shorter than me and super super skinny. No muscles. I could tell that he shaved his chest and I'm almost positive he was wearing some make-up.

That being said, he was still a guy. Not super fem. We have a lot in common, whether the afore-mentioned Survivor love or how seriously we took high school. The conversation was flowing, and by the end of the meal we had put in our calendars that we would watch Survivor together Wednesday night when I got off of work.

HERE'S THE THING. He had mentioned in our OKCupid messages and I was immediately suspicious. He not only lives in the same building but on the same floor as 2.0. He is friendly with 2.0, knows him by name, and says hi to him in the hallways and such. I played it off like 2.0 and I had an amicable friendly mutual ending (which is 90% true) and that it will be more funny than awkward if we run into him. But let me just say I am not looking forward to this. I am not going to lie. 2.0 is more attractive conventionally than Charlie and as bad of a person as I am, it will be a little awkward. But let's wait for that to actually happen and progress to the point where I am hanging out there before I worry about it. And really, I am 95% over 2.0 at this point. I just still would prefer if he didn't exist in my universe at all.

But the date went well, Wednesday is planned, we hugged goodbye on the busy daytime downtown street and we'll see.