Speaking of Berger..., by Rock

How special is this? A mobile update  from Noah Wyle's bed! He has left to take a final and I get to stay here and "sleep" until I go to work. Instead I am updating.

Despite multiple sporting events being on last night, I took him up on his offer to come over after work last night. We finished the movie we had started the other night, made out, and cuddled. I remarked that we were kind of doing things backwards: went straight to just hanging out and fooling around and then promising to come back to the "dates."

I also admitted that I felt way more comfortable with him on a second date than I should, as witnessed by walking in the door and hands being all over him right away. He admitted this was true for him as well.

Then we headed to bed and things started to get steamy. We talked about what was going to happen and we agreed that not much.

Then we got naked anyway and decided that sex was going to happen.

And then it got awkward. By his own admission, it had been a long time for him (Two years! Cannot imagine.). Enter pressure on me. It also became clear that he was focusing more on everything going right on the sex side of it and kind of disconnected emotionally. Which didn't work well for me.

Needless to say, the sex wasn't great.

Tangent: shirts off, we are more comparable than I thought. I know bringing this up makes me incredibly vain but it is more so you don't think I am with some Adonis. His body is still better than mine but yeah.

But back to the sex, without details it was just not what I was hoping for. Sure it wasn't for him either. But we both got off and got to bed, once we realized his comforter was down and making me cough and replaced it.

And I was immediately worried that he sex wasn't great. But with him not going up to bat for so long at least we got the first time out of the way and can just go to town next time.

I was of course thinking of Berger and Carrie. As long as it doesn't end with a post-it break-up we should be okay.

If the blow jobs this morning were any indication we should be fine.

A Note to Everyone That Ever Goes on a First Date With Me For the Rest of My Life, by Rock

I get it. I get it. First dates are EXHAUSTING. They RARELY go the way you want them too. You've probably been disappointed PLENTY of times. Sometimes you don't feel the spark. Sometimes you like them and they don't like you and you've been hurt. I GET IT.

So you have a first date. Someone has sparked your interest enough to warrant at least an hour of your time. You have to be hoping it goes well, if only for the reason that it could possibly be your last first date ever.

I don't understand this current trend of guys showing up for first dates with a 4 foot wall built around them. Short enough that I can climb over it, but tall enough to be a pain in the ass.

I get this from guys that obviously were hoping for better than me and I never hear from again. I get that. But I also get this from guys that eventually show interest in me (2.0 was really guarded the first half of our first date, for example).

Either way, I don't get it. You wouldn't go into a job interview with your guard up just in case you didn't get it. Why wouldn't you go into a date doing everything you can to make sure it went well? Even if you're not immediately sold, wouldn't you want the hour you've committed to to be as painless as possible?

The minute I walk in, eye contact, smile, engaging questions, funny anecdotes about my day. If you are on a first date with me, you should never find out what kind of phone I have because it stays in my pocket the entire time. My shoulders are parallel to yours. People skills. Come on.

Drink last night with a guy. Ice cream with a guy tonight. Both of them were seated not looking directly at me. Both kept texting. Both offered very little conversation starters. Both warmed up at the end but started off so cold and awkward that I was afraid (briefly) that I was ugly. Neither will be getting second dates (though in all honesty I think only one will ask me for one).

The next boy who meets me out, excited for the potential without being sold on me before he gets to know me will steal my heart.*

*Disclaimer: He must also be hot and not old.

Halladay, Lincecum, Kershaw... Ruiz, Posey, Barajas...., by Rock

The Faux Spaniard and I went out for cupcakes and drinks this past Wednesday. We hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks, so the night started off a little awkwardly, especially since I was late and stressed having driven halfway there before realizing I didn't have my wallet. I was all out panicking when it wasn't in my apartment either. Luckily I found it in the street next to where my car had been parked, with everything still in it even.

Anyways, it started out a little awkward, but as we kept drinking at the coolest bar in the world (his suggestion), it got better (alcohol often does that). He insisted on paying since it had just been my birthday. We were in his neighborhood, but he has to get up so early for work that he offered to come back to my place instead so I could sleep in. We came back and had a few more drinks. As we were chatting, I insisted he borrow two of my books. They're graphic novels and he should finish them quickly, but still. Who am I lending someone stuff that means a lot to me? We hopped into bed.

Where in our drunkenness, we had sex for the first time. And he played catcher, something he had never done before.

It was good, but I was upset with myself since I was aware of his "position" (hahahaha, I crack myself up) and wanted to really save that until we were involved if we got there. You never forget your first (even though he had pitched before), and I was not exactly eager to put that second punch into his V-card.

But what was done was done. I sent him a text the next day to make sure he was okay with everything that happened, and he said he was. Other than that, we were both adults, I didn't put any pressure on him, and I wasn't going to lose sleep about it.

The problem was, I had already started a conversation in my head about what I want right now (more on that later).

So on Saturday, I was poised to get out of work at a somewhat decent hour (read: before midnight), so I suggested that he head to my place after the party he was attending so we could cuddle and sleep in (every other night we've spent together, his alarm is set for 5:45). He liked the plan, but he lost track of time a bit and showed up pretty late. He was super apologetic, something I wanted from 2.0 when something similar happened with him.

Everything was fine until we got into bed.

SOMEWHAT INTIMATE DETAILS WARNING FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME AND AREN'T USED TO DISCUSSING SEX.

Sex to me has always been just as much about pleasuring someone else as it is about getting "pleased." I've been with my share of selfish lovers, but I've never been with someone so "unselfish" before. I kept trying to go down on him and every time he got close he made me stop. I tried to explain that I wanted to see him come. He said that in his experience, one person usually came and then "got the other person back in the morning" and he didn't want that to me. I told him that sounded ridiculous and every person I had always been with, it was definitely the goal for both people to get off. I let him suck me off, thinking I could get back to business when he was done. He wouldn't let me. Trust me. I tried. I went to bed a little ticked off.

I like to feel like a provider sometimes. I like to feel like a nurturer sometimes. I don't want to feel like a child or invalid being taken care of all the times (bad simile to use when talking about sex?). He tries to pay all the time. He doesn't want to inconvenience me by having me over. He won't let me get him off because he doesn't think I'll truly enjoy it. I get a massage but can't reciprocate.

It's kind of nice for about five minutes. Then I feel like I'm being spoiled.

I can step back and say that I'm usually the person who gives up more in relationships. Just marginally most of the time. And so I wonder if maybe this is just new to me and I should go with the flow, but then I realize that this is such an extreme and it doesn't sit well with me.

He started to get frisky in the morning, but I'm not a fan of morning sex. I'm a fan of we've been up lying in bed for two hours and talking and waking up and now let's get started sex, but not right when I wake up and don't have coffee sex. So maybe next time he'll take his orgasm when it's offered.

I've also been thinking a lot recently. Ever since coming out, I have been AGGRESSIVELY trying to find the person I'll spend the rest of my life with. I treat it like a full-time job, multiple dates a week, skimming dating profiles, I can't go to a bar without scanning the room like mad.

I realized with 2.0 how willing I was to let this new boy define my life in this city. I'm newish coming back here. I'm trying to transition jobs. I need to work on growing my family of friends here and lying down roots. There's nothing wrong with grabbing a drink with a cute boy from time to time, but I think for once in my life I'm going to make the active choice to not make dating a priority.

I'm not abandoning this blog (if only you were all that lucky). I still will go on a date with a boy who catches my interest. I'll probably still browse profiles when I'm bored. I just don't want to have a specific endgame in mind. Even if I enjoy someone's company, I'm going to need to keep it casual.

The way life usually works out, I'll probably have better luck now anyway.

I'm going to change the wording on my OKCupid profile. I'm going to have a talk with The Faux Spaniard so he knows what's up (I'd happily continue to hang out, but don't want to think about a future or exclusivity right now.).

This is a good thing.

I can't believe I just used "life" as a label for this post. I'm such a douchebag.

First Date 2 of 3, by Rock

It's barely worth writing about. We both enjoyed ourselves. I'm pretty sure we both found it pretty platonic. We had a drink and dinner then went back to my place and watched some television while partaking in a little pot. We hugged good-bye and said we should hang again.

No sparks, no zsa zsa zsu, no worries. Next!

The Faux Spaniard(1 of 3), by Rock

After class last night, I met up with one of the three guys I've been talking to. We met at a "trendy"ish burger and beer place that I had been wanting to try.

We hit it off fairly well. He's not at hot as 2.0, but he's definitely attractive. We had a nice witty dialogue going as we zoomed through obvious first date questions (Any siblings? What's your favorite Harry Potter?). I made the mistake of ordering the spiciest burger (or anything) that I've ever ordered in my life so I was tearing up as I ate, but we just laughed about that.

A possible red flag: he's never dated anyone for longer than 7 weeks. Not a dealbreaker, but something to be aware of. He also admitted to some self-esteem issues. I don't do well with these. Reassurance is not my strong suit.

It came time to pay the pretty substantial bill, he admitted that he took care of it on his last trip to the bathroom. I feigned frustration for a minute before graciously thanking him and secretly being impressed and super thankful. Rock is still recovering financially from that trip with 2.0.

I promised myself that there would be no second location, but after however many beers, I found myself offering him three options...

1- Say good night and go our separate ways.

2- Find a bar in the area for one more drink.

3- He could come over to my place to watch RuPaul's Drag Race, but we would not be fooling around.

He picked #3. And just like that, my new standards went out the window.

By this time, we were both pretty drunk. Now this guy is Polish and Irish, but was a Spanish major and studied abroad for a year. As he lost sobriety, he started speaking with a Spanish accent, which was kind of cute. Hence his moniker for this blog.

We were in the cab and sparing you the specifics he figured out the timeline for when I broke up with 2.0. He was a little awkward about how soon it was, but I assured him he wasn't a rebound and he remembered that people use OKCupid for lots of things, and he himself had been on many many dates in the past few weeks.

We got back to my place, and I went to turn on the tv and he went to take off my shirt. I wanted to fool around. I wanted my new standards as well. I called him out that I explicitly said I didn't want to do this, he said we could stop. I said we could keep going.

It is what it is. I'm not proud of it. But it's not the biggest of deals. It's not like I rounded home or anything.

We were fooling around and establishing those roles that gays have to establish when they fool around. He said to me, "Not to weird you out, it's really not that big of a deal, but I've never bottomed before. Or else I would want to right now."

Now let's get one thing clear. It was the first night we met. As far as I was concerned, no one was bottoming (and no one did). But that's another possible issue in the future should this progress. That's a big deal for someone.

But the fooling around was good. Actually better than the majority of fooling around with 2.0.

He left this morning. And then I did something that I will possibly regret.

I was supposed to see my favorite singer in the world tomorrow with 2.0. Now I have an extra ticket. My one friend around here that likes him already will be there. My other friends either don't really care for him or don't know who he is. I'm sure Doris would have kept me company, but she's not the biggest fan of him. I sent out a mass text to see if anyone was interested or knew who he was. No one really responded.

So I invited The Faux Spaniard. I told him my cousin bailed on me so I had an extra ticket. So date #2 is much sooner than I wanted it to be (and a little more personal than I wanted it to be: this singer means a lot to me), but que sera sera. At least I have someone to go with me. And out of necessity it will be at least a week until date #3 if he earns it and wants it.

Next week I have dates lined up on Monday and Tuesday with the other two guys that I've been talking to. Just talked to one of them on the phone to make plans. I liked the sound of his voice.

Happy Valentimes!, by Rock

Oh February 14. I really want to like you. I want you to be an awesome day. I really thought it was going to happen this year. Still, I'll focus on that future February 14 when I'll be happily in love or like or crushing and not hate on the holiday. I think it's a fun one at heart (see what I did there?).

Tonight I'll be making drinks for couples that are too poor/don't care enough to go to a restaurant nicer than my own. I'll be trying not to think about how 2.0 will be at a concert surrounded by tons and tons of other gays.

Seriously I hope he has fun.

Seriously I hope he thinks of me a few times today.

In "jumping back into things too quickly" news, I've been talking to a few boys on OKCupid.

I have a date with one of them on Tuesday. Grabbing dinner between class and a "gay wine night" at a friend's place. He seems nice enough. Pretty witty. At a similar place in his life as I am. His pictures are a little weird: they all look a little different so I need to see him in person so see which one is most accurate, hear his voice, feel his energy.

Another guy is incredibly sexy looking. He has a beard. He plays in a band. We have a 94% match. I think we would get along very well.

One thing. It says on his profile that he doesn't want children. I realize it's too soon to think about that now, but it does give me pause. I don't need a Monica/Richard situation where we fall in love and then have to end it and hurt because we want different futures.

But I couldn't get over that beard or the 94% (most of my matches in the 90s are uggo). So I started a conversation that is going well I believe, though he may be trying to veer it into the friend zone.

Then there's another guy that I started a conversation with because he has a picture where he's wearing a baseball hat of the team I like (which is weird around here). He wrote back gushing about me and how awesome I looked and would I like to meet up for a drink.

So I called him out on his over-enthusiasm, made fun of him a little bit, and now we're having a normal conversation and getting to know each other.

I'm usually turned off when guys are a little too into me, but we've seen time and time again how that works out. So I'm entertaining this a little. If we do eventually meet and he's not terribly tragic, it could be good.

To be continued...