Keeping You Up to Speed, by Rock

So later that day, Noah Wyle called me. He said that he should have brought this up before we slept together, but he has a rule that if he is sexually active with someone, they are sexually exclusive. He stressed that it was for health reasons, it wasn't a jealous thing, I could go on as many other dates as I wanted, it was too early to be exclusive, but his rule was sex was just with him.

I took a second to digest and said that I supposed that was fair, though yes it was too early to be exclusive and yes we should have talked about it before we had sex. I wasn't willing to say that sex wouldn't happen, even though I wasn't necessarily looking for it to happen. But if it did happen, then I would tell him about it and he could make a decision. He said that was valid and fair.

The whole thing strikes me as incredibly sophomoric. Before we had sex he did ask if he had anything to worry about but he didn't ask if I had had sex within the last week (I had). If sex is such a big deal, then he shouldn't have given it up on the second date. But if that makes him feel safer, that's his prerogative and I can either play along or not. For now, he's intriguing enough that I'll play along.

He and his friends were out the next night celebrating the end of the med school semester. My friend and I met them out for a few drinks and to dance. They were all wasted, but he was a cute wasted. He kept telling my friend how much he liked me and how cute I was.

The next day I hosted a tv night and invited him and his friend. They were super late because they ended up waiting 50 minutes for a bus. They weren't feeling it after such a ridiculous commute. My other friends (including Doris!) were about to go home, but it was fine and low-key, if not the fun, hilarious party night I had kind of expected.

Last night I went out with some coworkers and ended up making out with an ex-coworker. We were about to head home together before I realized that maybe I would go on a date with this guy, but I didn't really want to go home with him. I just wanted to sleep. So I said good bye and left mysteriously. The make-out made me feel better about Noah Wyle's silly little rule though. Because it is ridiculously early to start talking exclusivity in any matter.

Real date with Noah Wyle on Monday. Stay tuned.

Halladay, Lincecum, Kershaw... Ruiz, Posey, Barajas...., by Rock

The Faux Spaniard and I went out for cupcakes and drinks this past Wednesday. We hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks, so the night started off a little awkwardly, especially since I was late and stressed having driven halfway there before realizing I didn't have my wallet. I was all out panicking when it wasn't in my apartment either. Luckily I found it in the street next to where my car had been parked, with everything still in it even.

Anyways, it started out a little awkward, but as we kept drinking at the coolest bar in the world (his suggestion), it got better (alcohol often does that). He insisted on paying since it had just been my birthday. We were in his neighborhood, but he has to get up so early for work that he offered to come back to my place instead so I could sleep in. We came back and had a few more drinks. As we were chatting, I insisted he borrow two of my books. They're graphic novels and he should finish them quickly, but still. Who am I lending someone stuff that means a lot to me? We hopped into bed.

Where in our drunkenness, we had sex for the first time. And he played catcher, something he had never done before.

It was good, but I was upset with myself since I was aware of his "position" (hahahaha, I crack myself up) and wanted to really save that until we were involved if we got there. You never forget your first (even though he had pitched before), and I was not exactly eager to put that second punch into his V-card.

But what was done was done. I sent him a text the next day to make sure he was okay with everything that happened, and he said he was. Other than that, we were both adults, I didn't put any pressure on him, and I wasn't going to lose sleep about it.

The problem was, I had already started a conversation in my head about what I want right now (more on that later).

So on Saturday, I was poised to get out of work at a somewhat decent hour (read: before midnight), so I suggested that he head to my place after the party he was attending so we could cuddle and sleep in (every other night we've spent together, his alarm is set for 5:45). He liked the plan, but he lost track of time a bit and showed up pretty late. He was super apologetic, something I wanted from 2.0 when something similar happened with him.

Everything was fine until we got into bed.

SOMEWHAT INTIMATE DETAILS WARNING FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME AND AREN'T USED TO DISCUSSING SEX.

Sex to me has always been just as much about pleasuring someone else as it is about getting "pleased." I've been with my share of selfish lovers, but I've never been with someone so "unselfish" before. I kept trying to go down on him and every time he got close he made me stop. I tried to explain that I wanted to see him come. He said that in his experience, one person usually came and then "got the other person back in the morning" and he didn't want that to me. I told him that sounded ridiculous and every person I had always been with, it was definitely the goal for both people to get off. I let him suck me off, thinking I could get back to business when he was done. He wouldn't let me. Trust me. I tried. I went to bed a little ticked off.

I like to feel like a provider sometimes. I like to feel like a nurturer sometimes. I don't want to feel like a child or invalid being taken care of all the times (bad simile to use when talking about sex?). He tries to pay all the time. He doesn't want to inconvenience me by having me over. He won't let me get him off because he doesn't think I'll truly enjoy it. I get a massage but can't reciprocate.

It's kind of nice for about five minutes. Then I feel like I'm being spoiled.

I can step back and say that I'm usually the person who gives up more in relationships. Just marginally most of the time. And so I wonder if maybe this is just new to me and I should go with the flow, but then I realize that this is such an extreme and it doesn't sit well with me.

He started to get frisky in the morning, but I'm not a fan of morning sex. I'm a fan of we've been up lying in bed for two hours and talking and waking up and now let's get started sex, but not right when I wake up and don't have coffee sex. So maybe next time he'll take his orgasm when it's offered.

I've also been thinking a lot recently. Ever since coming out, I have been AGGRESSIVELY trying to find the person I'll spend the rest of my life with. I treat it like a full-time job, multiple dates a week, skimming dating profiles, I can't go to a bar without scanning the room like mad.

I realized with 2.0 how willing I was to let this new boy define my life in this city. I'm newish coming back here. I'm trying to transition jobs. I need to work on growing my family of friends here and lying down roots. There's nothing wrong with grabbing a drink with a cute boy from time to time, but I think for once in my life I'm going to make the active choice to not make dating a priority.

I'm not abandoning this blog (if only you were all that lucky). I still will go on a date with a boy who catches my interest. I'll probably still browse profiles when I'm bored. I just don't want to have a specific endgame in mind. Even if I enjoy someone's company, I'm going to need to keep it casual.

The way life usually works out, I'll probably have better luck now anyway.

I'm going to change the wording on my OKCupid profile. I'm going to have a talk with The Faux Spaniard so he knows what's up (I'd happily continue to hang out, but don't want to think about a future or exclusivity right now.).

This is a good thing.

I can't believe I just used "life" as a label for this post. I'm such a douchebag.

Two-Date Week, by Doris

So my date with Winkie, which was supposed to be Friday night, got postponed to next Saturday because he got stuck in a meeting. Because it was a long-ass week and I'm just that lame, I was in bed by ten on Friday, so it all worked out.

I'm looking at this as a practice date a la Rivers-a-like. Because I got sidetracked by the Russian, I haven't been out with a guy in a while. Time to jump back in.

Also, yes, I am meeting Midnight Cowboy on Thursday. I have a work event that's going to run late anyway, and it always takes me a while to come down from those. The deal is, we have to meet at a bar near my house. I am going to text Rock the guy's phone number just in case. I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it.

In the comments section of my last post, Rock got to talking about one-night stands. I don't have a problem with one-night stands. Who knows, either or both of these guys could turn into that. However, I don't think I'm at that point yet. If I were, I'd drag my friends out to a bar. I don't think I'd mind casual sex, but as more of an ongoing thing. And yes, I'm aware that some one-night stands do turn into more. But I have mixed feelings.

And as I said in my response, I don't have an issue with booty calls or one-night stands. But maybe let's be more upfront about it and not call it a "date."

If this doesn't make sense to you, don't worry. It doesn't make sense to me either.

Be Careful What You Wish For, by Doris

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Pajama Pants and Television, by Rock

On Tuesday he came over, I cooked dinner, we watched a movie, we fell asleep.

Oh Thursday I helped him run an errand, we picked up a frozen pizza and went back to his place, we watched TV, and fell asleep.

He told me January was going to be bad. He apologized over and over for how busy and tired he was going to be.

I'm trying to realize it means a lot that he even wants to share his necessary, quiet "alone" time. And by trying, I mean I do. And I do like quiet nights at home cooking dinner and relaxing. I just also like the occasional adventure and miss that excitement of a "date" instead of just "hanging out." And I like having sex.

The good thing is, I know we are on the same page. He warned me that January would be rough and he's continued the apologies. He keeps talking about how excited he is for the month to be over and our trip at the end of the month.

I asked him to help me go suit shopping on Saturday. He suggested I just spend the night tonight after work. I said that would be great, we could sleep in and then head over to the store. He added, "And have sexy times. It's been too long."

I just laughed and said, "Yup. I mean, I understand and get it and it's fine, but yup." And we laughed together and cuddled closer and fell asleep.

Open to Interpretation: A Date, by Doris

When my date walked into the coffee shop, he was wearing a wedding ring.

And I wasn't surprised in the least.

Let's call this guy the Russian, because despite all the hate over the second movie I still love Sex and the City, and because, well, he's Russian. I connected with the Russian way back when I first joined OKCupid (has it been a month already? Jeez). He's two years younger than I, has a myriad of interesting jobs, including a gig as a health care interpreter at a children's hospital, and like me, he always carries a notebook.

And he's in an open marriage.

Now before you say, "Doris, this is the biggest line of bullshit since Brody told Lauren that Brittany Canada Whore was just a joke," hear me out.

You should know that Dan Savage is my relationship/sex advice guru, and he should be yours too. What I've learned from my addiction to the Savage Love podcast is that, indeed, open relationships are more common in the straight community than one might think. Only because there's a societal taboo against non-monogamy, heteros don't talk about them as much as homos do. Case in point: when I told Rock and my roommate Stan (who is also gay) about the Russian's situation, they shrugged it off. However, I KNOW at least two or three of my straight friends would definitely not approve. Also my parents.

What Dan tells America is that if you date someone in an open relationship, you can tell they're for real if they talk about it. They'll not only answer your questions, they'll welcome them, because it's a necessary conversation. If, on the other hand, they don't want to talk about it, are very vague, or say "my wife doesn't know about it," well, that's not a real open relationship.

The Russian's profile mentions his situation first thing. It links to a Dan Savage video about non-monogamy. It also links to his wife's profile. She seems pretty cool.

And mind you, I didn't first contact the Russian because of the open marriage. Yes, I found it intriguing, especially since I'm trying for new experiences right now. However, it was just another interesting characteristic, like the notebook thing.

So the Russian and I talked for a few weeks. He asked me to coffee. And we talked. Boy, did we talk.

I usually don't bring this up at first, but I told him about Excalibur. Not any gory details, just that I'd been with the same guy on and off for fourteen years, and I'm 30, so you do the math. Which is why I'm seeking different types of dating and relationships. It fit right into the conversation, and the questions I had regarding his own marriage.

Did I mention he's really, really cute? Oh yeah.

So we drank our tea, we took a walk, and then I left because I had "plans with my friends." He asked me out again. I was very happy about this.

This was Thursday night. It's now Saturday and I've heard zilch.

Not sure if I should write this off yet or not. I mean, do guys really ask out someone again just to be nice? And this wasn't just "we should hang out again." This was, specifically, "when are you free?" Of course, he has to check with his wife and see what they've got going on. My question is: how long's it take to check?

Maybe he was bullshitting me all along. Maybe he made this whole thing up. I mean, I've seen Catfish. It's crazy what people lie about online. It's also possible that his wife has decided against the whole open relationship thing.

Or it's possible that, to quote Sex and the City again, he's just not that into me. (No matter what you think about SATC or the franchise that ensued from that one line, you have to admit it's a pretty great concept.)

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. Yes, he was kind of pretentious, but I'd rather date a pretentious guy than a dumb guy because at least with the former I can have a conversation. And the open marriage thing, quite frankly, appealed to me. Not just for the curiosity factor, but the fact is, I don't want to get emotionally involved with anyone right now. Here, I could have a fun experience but it would be physically impossible to get serious (that's one of the ground rules of the Russian's marriage: as of now, they're not pursuing anyone seriously. It's kind of a baby step into full-on polyamory).

And yeah, he was really, really cute and I have a sex drive. Sue me.

Whatever. We'll see. If nothing else, it was a really fun and educational first date! Definitely cooler than the practice dud that was Rivers-a-like.

And besides, I have another date in four hours.

P.S. Does anyone miss Rock's savvy commentary on Tales from the Going Steady Frontline? I do! Rock, my darling, where are you?

More Fun With Messages!, by Doris

While Rock's been in woo woo loveland with 2.0, I have been messaged by various jackasses on the ol' OKC. Why is it that every dude who deigns to message me first is so repugnant?

He said:

hows my future wifey doing besides gorgeous? :-) [sic]

I said:

Trying to decide which is more horrifying: your lack of apostrophes or your use of the word "wifey."

He said:

why did i want . . . to scream "hooray for boobies" when i viewed your profile . . . oh yeah that's right ;)

I said:

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Good luck finding someone that actually works on.

NOTE TO MEN ON OKCUPID: Cutesy-pie emoticons do not excuse bad punctuation/grammar, sexual harassment, or the word "wifey." Come ON.

Well, New Year's Eve is upon us: hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. Come tomorrow, I'll be the gal at yoga class with a genuine grin on my face, because I have this to come home to:

OK, on the Inception DVD. Still counts!

Speaking of cuties on film, this video goes out to a very special gay who just got laid. Rock-N-Rolla (see what I did there?), this is for you.