Bullet Points, by Rock

This has been a pretty quiet week on my end. Super busy. I felt like I needed to update though when I had to check to see what my last update was about.

Developments of note:

*Went on a date with a guy off of Scruff. We got along super well... in the most platonic way ever. When he texted the next day to say that he had a good time, I told him I did as well though it felt very platonic. He agreed and we've promised to be friends. We will see if that happens.

*Started emailing and now texting with another med student on OkCupid. He is at the end of the semester so we won't have a first date for a few weeks, but he seems really promising. I just wish we didn't start talking now, because I don't want to run out of steam in the next two weeks. I guess that's really not too far away and I should just be patient. As for now, we've been texting just the right amount. I get excited when I get one. I'm not overloaded with them. As always though, nothing more than cautious optimism until I actually meet him. Also, for as great as he seems, he is short. Call me an ass. Half a foot is a big difference.

*I deleted Scruff and Grindr from my phone. They're time wasters. I haven't had anything remotely close to good luck meeting people on them. I'm only going to get myself in trouble on them. Who knows if they'll be back on my phone eventually, but they are gone for now.

*This guy and I both rated each other highly on quickmatch. He wrote right away to suggest a drink. I logged on to read the message but didn't have time to respond so I was saving it for tonight. I just got ANOTHER message saying that he hoped he didn't come off crazy in the first message and hopes we can hang out sometime. Dude. You didn't seem crazy until you sent the second one. Just lost your chance. I am tempted to write and tell him that.

*I have just been craving alone time and friend time lately. I am pretty first-dated out. I wish I could skip that first month of dating and just be at that comfortable stage. Have someone to cuddle with. Oh well. Can you tell I'm on my second glass of wine?

And that's pretty much it.

Eh, by Rock

So this guy that I had been talking to on Grindr for some time came over to watch a movie last night.

I really don't like when people explain the joke in their laughter. Like "Oh he lent her his pink shirt earlier. Hahaha." Or THE WORST: "No one would ever say that. Hahaha." Yes. That's why it's funny.

But anyways we started fooling around a little and it could have gone one of two ways: He was cute enough, and I could have totally hit that for the easy win, but I wasn't really feeling it and didn't really want to see him again.

While he was grinding on me I had this flashback to the first time 2.0 and I fooled around and I got a bit nostalgic. Then I had this GIANT COME-TO-JESUS MOMENT OF CLARITY. The ONLY thing special about 2.0 is how I felt about him. He was pretty average with his own set of flaws (and yes, strengths. He wasn't awful). But I was crazy about him. THAT'S what made him special.

And since I wasn't crazy about this one I told him "we should be good" and that "I had to be up early in the morning." He left before clothes came off.

I'm learning.

Coffee Grindr (Groan), by Rock

So Grindr has pretty much become the bane of my existence. I have wasted countless hours chatting with guys that I will probably never meet.

One thing I do kind of like about it is that it simulates the bar scene. Based on one picture and 140 characters, I have to decide if I want to start a conversation or not. Maybe I will one day work up the courage to actually hit on someone in a bar.

The problem is, half of the guys on Grindr seem to only want to fool around somewhat anonymously (I've gone on the record as saying that internet hookups are like fast food: you crave it, you think you want it, you remember it being good. Then you go for it and you just feel kind of greasy and unfulfilled after.), and the other half just seem to want to chat. When I suggest coffee or something, they're not interested.

I did actually met someone off of Grindr for coffee yesterday. The conversation went moderately well, but I was confident there was nothing worth exploring. He was a nice enough guy, but it was apparent that we were just at two very different points in our lives. Not only that, but we had pretty different approaches to life. When we said good-bye, we said, "Nice to meet you," which is only said to cover up the fact that you're not saying, "We should do this again sometime."

BUT THEN. ONCE AGAIN. I get the text, "Hey it was nice to meet you. Should we grab a drink soon?"

Once again, a boy that I seem to have no connection with is pulling for something. And I'm unsure if I've closed myself off emotionally so much that I'm unwilling to see possibilities below perfection or if these guys are so desperate for something that they're willing to settle for "eh, maybe."

And I wavered for a minute, and then texted him that it was fun chatting, but I really didn't feel a spark.

Three future first dates in the process of being planned... stay tuned for more exciting adventures!

Random Updates in Non-chronological Order, by Rock

So that guy that I didn't really feel it with? The one that just felt very friendly? Date 2 of 3? We had plans to hang again. I couldn't tell if we were going to be friends or if he wanted more. Anyway this past week we had dinner, then got high and drank wine and watched funny television. When it was time for him to leave, we bro-hugged it out. I quickly got a text:

Would I have been out of line had I tried to give you a kiss goodnight?

Now, old Rock, maybe even sober Rock, would have been very nice and wishy-washy about it. I probably would have even cuddled with him when I knew he wanted to while watching tv, but I was in that super high place were you have no problem being super honest. So instead the following conversation took place (unedited, so remember we were both high)

Me: Awww. I have to admit, I feel an awesome energy with you, it's just a fraternal, platonic energy. I really want to get to know each other, but just not feeling it romantically. Sorry if that isn't mutual. I really want to be good friends.

Him: No I totally understand. I guess I was just having a hard time reading it. I'm 100% good with friends!

Me: Awesome. :) You seem like good people and really cool. Glad to hear that.

We've been texting a little since then. Time will tell if we'll actually be friends. But I was proud of my honesty and not having the "well if he's into me maybe I should explore it" mentality.

Also, I got a smart phone recently. Which means of course I had to download Scruff and Grindr. Of course. I had to. It's ridiculous how much time I can waste just chatting with guys and having the same conversation.

"What's up?"

"Not much. You?"

"Just hanging out."

"Nice pics."

"Thanks. You too."

I'm not really a hook-up person, but I did invite this guy over last Friday. More just to hang out, but I was drunk and wanted to cuddle so we did. Even though he was a complete dork and chunkier than his picture led on. Of course it turns out that I'm friends with his old roommate who of course heard about it. And that's why I'm stuck playing Words With Friends with this guy that I really don't ever want to see again.

Even if he had been adorable, intimacy is just not my thing right now. The thought of kissing a guy is scary for some reason, and until I deal with that, I really have no business dating anyone.