Coffee Grindr (Groan), by Rock

So Grindr has pretty much become the bane of my existence. I have wasted countless hours chatting with guys that I will probably never meet.

One thing I do kind of like about it is that it simulates the bar scene. Based on one picture and 140 characters, I have to decide if I want to start a conversation or not. Maybe I will one day work up the courage to actually hit on someone in a bar.

The problem is, half of the guys on Grindr seem to only want to fool around somewhat anonymously (I've gone on the record as saying that internet hookups are like fast food: you crave it, you think you want it, you remember it being good. Then you go for it and you just feel kind of greasy and unfulfilled after.), and the other half just seem to want to chat. When I suggest coffee or something, they're not interested.

I did actually met someone off of Grindr for coffee yesterday. The conversation went moderately well, but I was confident there was nothing worth exploring. He was a nice enough guy, but it was apparent that we were just at two very different points in our lives. Not only that, but we had pretty different approaches to life. When we said good-bye, we said, "Nice to meet you," which is only said to cover up the fact that you're not saying, "We should do this again sometime."

BUT THEN. ONCE AGAIN. I get the text, "Hey it was nice to meet you. Should we grab a drink soon?"

Once again, a boy that I seem to have no connection with is pulling for something. And I'm unsure if I've closed myself off emotionally so much that I'm unwilling to see possibilities below perfection or if these guys are so desperate for something that they're willing to settle for "eh, maybe."

And I wavered for a minute, and then texted him that it was fun chatting, but I really didn't feel a spark.

Three future first dates in the process of being planned... stay tuned for more exciting adventures!

One and Done: A Date, by Doris

(Image via Natalie Dee.)

On Thursday, December 30, I began a new life as a dater. (A woman who dates? A person who dates? Whatever.)

If you've been following the saga of Rivers-a-like, you know that I was primarily regarding my first OKCupid real-life in-person date as a warm-up. After all, the guy lives in the suburbs and I don't have a car. On a deeper level, I thought he was nice. That's it. Not super-duper, oh my God you're turning my crank and I can't wait to meet you hot, just nice.

Basically, I wasn't expecting a lot.

And that turned out to be a good thing.

He didn't do anything seriously wrong. He was a few minutes late, but I was slightly less late so that wasn't a big deal. The conversation--mainly revolving around our favorite bands and our mutual love of Chicago--flowed easily with maybe one awkward pause, not bad for two people who had never previously met face-to-face. He insisted on paying (I'm actually more comfortable going Dutch, but if the guy wants to I'm fine with it).

However.

There were two major reasons that when he wanted to hang out longer, I pretended to receive a text from Rock who was having a major emotional crisis (LIE):

1. I wasn't attracted to him. At all. This isn't to say he wasn't an attractive person. He had all the right ingredients: brown hair, glasses, nice face. It just didn't appeal to me.

2. Here's the big thing. I know I said in a previous post that he moved home for financial reasons and I didn't want to hold it against him. People's choices are their own.

That said, I think my issue with the suburbs thing goes deeper. See, when I moved back to the city after several years away, I had a job. Exactly two months later, I lost this job. I knew deep in my heart that the city was home to me, and I didn't want to leave again.

So I found a way to make it work. I temped. I worked retail for a while. I participated in paid market research studies I found on Craigslist. I worked out a cheaper payment plan on my student loans. I did a lot of free things and I wasn't stupid with money. Eventually, I found a full-time job.

I wanted to live here, so I found a way.

The fact that Rivers-a-like has moved back to the suburbs from the city not one but two times, makes me think this time he's not coming back.

From what I can see, he'll get a promotion at his job (also in the burbs), meet a nice girl, buy a house and settle down, with the occasional urban jaunt that becomes even more occasional as the years go by.

That's fine. His choices. His life.

It just doesn't jibe with mine.

One more thing, dudes: if a girl says she wants to meet for coffee or drinks, she means coffee or drinks. She does not mean dinner. "Coffee," "drinks" and "dinner" are words very distinguishable from one another. Read your gotdamn messages, please.

Last thing, I promise:

If you want to order an appetizer for yourself, that's cool. If you tell the waiter we are going to share it, please ask me what looks good before ordering. Not only is that a conversation starter, it also takes into account that I may have food allergies and I definitely DO have likes and dislikes. And if you don't ask, don't be surprised when I politely refuse to eat it.

On to date two, with a gentleman to be determined. I'll keep ya posted!

Little Boxes, by Doris

So last night I took Rock's advice and tried to score a date. As in, meeting face to face, seeing if the energy I'm feeling online is there in person. One of my OKCupid cuties is mired in final exams this week (as he told me in a very sweet "I haven't forgotten you" note last Sunday), so I a) don't want to bother him during a stressful time, and b) do want to wait until he responds to me as promised. See what an awesome non-stalker I'm being?

In the meantime, there's another dude. Brown hair, glasses--fair warning to all guys with brown hair and glasses in my city, I WILL most likely message you at some point. This one's sort of Rivers Cuomo-esque (and I've always had a thing for Rivers, despite the many accounts that he's a total douche). Rivers-a-like and I have a good rapport online, so last night I bit the bullet and asked him to coffee, during one of the random times I have free this weekend (thank you, holidays).

Then it got complicated.

It's not that Rivers-a-like isn't up for coffee. He is.

However . . .

He doesn't live in the city. Due to various personal reasons, he's currently in a suburb about an hour west.

Now, he didn't exactly lie about this. Plus, I believe OKCupid pulls up every possible match in a 25-mile range. I never explicitly asked him, "do you live in the city?" I assumed it because his handle denotes a city address, but we all know that to assume is to make an ass out of u and me (cliche, yes, but it's proven true too many times to count).

And he was very sweet and apologetic, saying that if this is a dealbreaker for me, he understands. He is in the city most weekends and often a few times a week. He just wanted it out there before we actually met.

I remembered a similar thing happening to Rock. Only in Rock's case, the guy waited until after their first date to drop the S bomb, which I always thought was kind of a red flag.

So I told Rivers-a-like that it wasn't a dealbreaker, as long as he was in the city regularly. I also told him that due to a major car accident a few years ago, I don't own a car, so I hoped THAT was not a dealbreaker. Meaning if this goes anywhere, the burden will be on him to come to me.

I had a few minutes before work, so I checked OKCupid and he hadn't responded. However, this was at 8:45 a.m. and we usually message about 10 p.m.-ish. And if I don't hear back from him, it wasn't meant to be anyway.

Waiting, again. This time for a boy at a distance.