So I'm in the midst of arranging dates with two different boys, plus messaging with another. Although with the latter, I'm not sure if he's genuinely interested or it's a "courtesy reply."Addendum to Doris' Rules of OKCupid Engagement:
Don't message me back if you're not interested. I don't care what the dating sites tell you. If I don't hear back from you, I get it--and that's if I even remember messaging you in the first place. I think it's far ruder for you to turn me down or to disappear after I ask to meet you, than to be polite and not waste my time or yours by forgoing the "courtesy reply."
The thing is--and I really hesitate to say this because I know my sister reads this blog, but what the hell. Sis, consider yourself warned--I'm almost more about sex than dating at this time. What can I say? It's been a while. I'd even take a good makeout. And when I noticed that at least two guys I was interested in had "casual sex" on their "interested in"--among other things like "short-term dating"--well, it wasn't exactly a deterrent.
As Rock and I discussed when setting up our profiles a few months ago, I don't want the inevitable pervy-straight-dude responses I'd get if I listed "casual sex" among my "interested in"'s. A shitty double standard, but it exists. I'm interested in dating-dating too. Really. I just need to get some physical stuff out of my system, ya dig?
In fact, I nearly propositioned a dude via message, but then Rock reminded me how I hate when a guy asks me out in the very first message. I don't want to be a hypocrite.
And speaking of hypocrites, I just broke my own rule and messaged a guy whose profile picture features him and a girl. They weren't faux making out, though.
Desperate times call for desperate measures...
ReplyDeleteBUT
I think it's valid to interact with someone for a while before deciding whether or not I want to go out with them. If that's not okay, then why isn't it okay to ask someone out in the first message? It's not just all a dance, it's actually about getting to know someone and wanting to know if you're interested. And if I'm not, I probably just won't respond. Shitty, but eh. I haven't met you yet. But it has nothing to do with a courtesy reply. It's like being approached in a bar, just because I don't ignore you right off the bat doesn't mean I'm going to go home with you.
No, that's a very valid point. And reading back over this post, I may not have expressed myself as articulately as I could have.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I meant:
I agree, it's perfectly okay to interact with someone for a while before deciding if you want to meet them. I've done that too, and then just not responded after several messages when I decided the energy wasn't there. My post comes off as rather extreme here.
Here's what I did mean. I don't like it when:
1) Someone interacts with me for several messages, and then when I express interest in meeting them, flat-out say no. This has happened before. And it was weird, because we were exchanging several messages, and then I was just shut down. That's when I got the feeling the guy was just being polite all along--only to be rather rude when I cutely hinted at meeting. Granted, this may have been oversensitive of me, but I found that insulting.
2) When I get a two-line response from a dude who is very, very clearly just being polite. Answering my questions with one sentence, not asking me anything about myself. It's confusing, though, because straight dudes (at least the ones I go for) can be socially awkward as well. Socially awkward is fine. Doing the courtesy response is just silly and a waste of time on both ends.
It's one thing to change your mind about meeting someone, which again, you have every right to do. It's another thing to have Nice Guy Syndrome (TM) and message with someone you have no interest in meeting.
Ya feel me, Rock?
Eh. Kind of. If someone makes a really personal comment on my profile, commenting on where I take classes or what sports team I like, they might get a one line response of solidarity, but then then it stops there.
ReplyDeleteAnd the end of the day, however it's sent, you still get the message and move on. Everyone's mamas taught them differently and everyone is a little bit clueless when it comes to online manners since it's so new. Your scenario #1 is possibly offensive, depending on how rude he was with his declination.
For some reason, the two-word combination "sports team" always sounds funny to me. Heh. I'm just weird. :)
ReplyDeleteNo, you're right. We're all a bit awkward online. I'm probably taking it way to personally, as I am wont to do. I am also a bit frustrated with the online thing right now, as no one is really standing out to me, so I'm probably more ranty than normal.
But yeah, scenario #1 was a rude asshole.
OMG! YOU USED THE WRONG TO/TWO/TOO!!!
ReplyDeleteThis day will live in INFAMY!
:-P
But yeah I hear you about there not being a lot of winners out there.
Oh Jesus. I am sleep deprived and have been staring at computers way too much, but THAT DOESN'T MATTER because YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN!
ReplyDelete*siiiiiiiigh*
;)
Your wrong. Their is a good chance I'll forget about this twonight.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahaha.
Hello, I found the link for your blog on TVGasm posted by Unpro. I just wanted to thank the both of you for letting me relive my dating days vicariously through you. I am now a married woman with one baby and another one on the way, and I sometimes forget what it was like to not be a mom. You both are amazing people from what I have read and the love and support that you obviously have for one another is quite evident and a wonderful thing. I wish you both happiness and luck in finding the relationships that you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks, Anon! I was happy to start my day off reading this comment. Thanks for reading! Hope you continue to enjoy!
ReplyDelete