From a guy whose screen name "ironically" suggests a porn name (turnoff #1):
Tall, heterosexual, single, and I live by myself. Is that not enough to get a first date? Just kidding I also love kids and listening. Now can we go on a date? Just kidding I'm sensitive and think about flowers.
Someone's been reading Tucker Max.
I'd like to meet someone extravagantly beautiful, curious about the world, and sexually voracious.
Are you KIDDING me?
Under "what I'm doing with my life:"
I go to business school.
Now, not everyone who goes to business school is a douche. But when your profile reads like an unironic episode of The Man Show, it ain't helping your case, sweetheart.
Under "favorite movies:"
Ikiru, Dr. Strangelove, Live Free or Die Hard, Secretary, 9 1/2 Weeks
We GET IT. You're a MAN. A MAN MAN MAN.
You like sex and violence! If you included Bambi in here, I wouldn't be muttering "closet homosexual" under my breath.
Under "you should message me if:"
You go for smart, ambitious, and eccentric.
Huh?
If your pictures are any indication, you've spray-tanned at least once in your life and wear "Yearning" by Dennis Feinstein. I'm guessing you belonged to a frat in college, and not the fun kind as portrayed on the ABCFamily series Greek, but the misogynistic date-rapey kind. You have made it very clear you like women who are GORGEOUS and WISH TO FORNICATE. You want to go into finance.
Pray tell, how does "eccentric" figure in here?
This has been your Online Dating Profile Snark of the Day!
I am laughing out loud because he is so my type, it's not even funny. I would message him in a second. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it would be hilarious if you snarked on some hipster dude's profile, because then I'D be like, "oh my God, so my type!"
ReplyDeleteI'm tempted to message this guy just to see how he responds, but I probably should stick to finding guys who, you know, I actually like.
"Sexually voracious" and "extravagantly beautiful"? Wow. Just based on his expectations the guy sounds like a jerk, though I think he was trying to be clever. His attempt failed, though.
ReplyDelete