Would I have been out of line had I tried to give you a kiss goodnight?
Now, old Rock, maybe even sober Rock, would have been very nice and wishy-washy about it. I probably would have even cuddled with him when I knew he wanted to while watching tv, but I was in that super high place were you have no problem being super honest. So instead the following conversation took place (unedited, so remember we were both high)
Me: Awww. I have to admit, I feel an awesome energy with you, it's just a fraternal, platonic energy. I really want to get to know each other, but just not feeling it romantically. Sorry if that isn't mutual. I really want to be good friends.
Him: No I totally understand. I guess I was just having a hard time reading it. I'm 100% good with friends!
Me: Awesome. :) You seem like good people and really cool. Glad to hear that.
We've been texting a little since then. Time will tell if we'll actually be friends. But I was proud of my honesty and not having the "well if he's into me maybe I should explore it" mentality.
Also, I got a smart phone recently. Which means of course I had to download Scruff and Grindr. Of course. I had to. It's ridiculous how much time I can waste just chatting with guys and having the same conversation.
"What's up?"
"Not much. You?"
"Just hanging out."
"Nice pics."
"Thanks. You too."
I'm not really a hook-up person, but I did invite this guy over last Friday. More just to hang out, but I was drunk and wanted to cuddle so we did. Even though he was a complete dork and chunkier than his picture led on. Of course it turns out that I'm friends with his old roommate who of course heard about it. And that's why I'm stuck playing Words With Friends with this guy that I really don't ever want to see again.
Even if he had been adorable, intimacy is just not my thing right now. The thought of kissing a guy is scary for some reason, and until I deal with that, I really have no business dating anyone.
I'm not a hook-up person either (and I see that as different than friends with benefits). I'd kind of like to try it sometime, but I've watched too much 48 Hours and had too many fear tactics instilled in me, as a woman. Even though I know 99% of people are harmless, I don't think I could do it without vetting the guy in public first (and yes, that counts having a conversation at a bar).
ReplyDeleteBut yay, you got cuddles! And a Words With Friends friend you kinda didn't want, haha.
You'll get over your fear of intimacy. Happens to the best of us. I think I have a little of it too right now, to tell you the truth. The last two guys I've been even a little intimate with more or less disappeared on me. I think that's kind of screwing with my head.
No Way Cupid; Having someone leave after you've been intimate with them sucks royally. I almost feel more comfortable having a one nighter than having sex in a relationship for that reason. Something I have to contend with.
ReplyDeleteRock; Way to go on sending the 'let's be friends' text to that guy. And you worded it perfectly as well. I was actually surprised by his response. He handled it in a very mature manner. I'm sure you've dealt with people who take rejection super personally and then get all hostile acting like they weren't even interested anyway after you turn them down.
Doris? Afraid of intimacy? Never...
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, you've gotten better with it lately. I'm talking any kind of intimacy, not just romantic.
SomeXsBlue: Thanks! Glad you approved. Yeah, I was really happy with how all of it went down, even if I haven't really heard from him since. You're right though, some people take everything personally and don't get that most of the time it's just an energy thing.