(I know this is #6, but Scott Pilgrim has 5 & 6 on the same poster. NOTHING I CAN DO. )So MONTHS after EE#5, I met a guy at a party and we seemed to click and yada yada yada we started seeing each other. It was pretty low stakes for me. He was applying to med schools and I was already thinking about moving. And this was fine. He honestly wasn't anyone I saw any long-term potential in, but I figured that as long as we were on the same page, we could have some fun.
This was also my attempt at applying all of the changes I wanted in my relationship style after having my heart broken. I was to be more confident, less emotionally-attached at the beginning, and know and convey what I wanted from the relationship.
And all in all, everything went really well. It was a very fun summer. And he said he was on the same page about just enjoying ourselves before we went our separate ways.
Except he wasn't playing by the same rules as me. It was very clear that he was falling in LOVE. Talk about how maybe he would be accepted to a med school in the city I was moving to started sneaking into the conversation. He was getting a little more clingy...
SHUT IT DOWN.
As the song goes, sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. Despite his pleading to keep dating until I moved, I played the "I've found myself already emotionally detaching from you and this city" card (that's a card?) and after a tearful night on his part and feeling like an ass on my part, it was over.
Actually, I'm pretty pleased with how I handled this relationship and there's really not a lot of baggage. If anything, it reiterates a lesson learned from EE#2: It's not my job to play detective. I should be able to take what you say at face value. If you're lying about how you feel, that's on you, not me.
So while there's not really any baggage, there also weren't really any stakes.
And I've started to realize this morning that there are stakes right now. For the first time since EE#5, I could have my heartbroken again. Despite trying to take it slow, feelings are clearing developing, and I am going to have to trust this (albeit seemingly wonderful) man to not hurt me.
That's really scary.
From Doris:
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you a little story about Rock. Early in our friendship, we were watching Cameron Crowe's movie "Singles" in my parents' basement. One scene involves a character getting a consultation for a breast enhacement, accompanied by her male best friend, who waits patiently in the other room. During this scene, Rock turned to me and said, "That's like us. I'd go to the doctor's with you. Not for plastic surgery because you don't need it, but you know what I mean."
And just like that, he went from my lil buddy to my best friend.
This is a long way of saying that Rock has a way of getting to people's hearts and staying there, just by being his charming, witty, steady-as-a-Rock self. So I wasn't surprised at all that EE6 got attached like he did.
Unlike all the other EE's, I was there when EE6 and Rock met--I was visiting at that point and we'd decided to go to this party. (I was the lone straight girl in a gay-guy wolf pack.) He was nice. They hit it off. Rock told me he wasn't going to get too attached. Hunky dory.
Then EE6 started pushing the "boyfriend" label. I could tell Rock was uncomfortable with it, and I wished EE6 would just let the relationship be what it was without trying to slap on a concrete term. Seriously, why can't anything just organically unfold anymore? Why are we all so concerned with jumping into things so fast?
/endrant (for now)
Anyway, I was glad Rock shut it down when he did. EE6 was sad, sure, and so was Rock because (as heartless and sassy as he can pretend to be when he's showing off) he doesn't like hurting people's feelings. This breakup, however, was necessary. Rock needed his freedom.
I'm seeing with 2.0 right now, that the stakes ARE higher. Rock is emotionally involved now, and there's a greater chance for heartbreak because of it. I just hope he will keep doing what he is doing, and let it just happen. Not be passive, but know that things are going to work out the way they work out. Life may be short, but when it comes to love, there's no need to rush it.