I hate how big these are, but I'm too lazy to fix them and I can't stop now that I've started. So remember how I lived somewhere else for 3 years? I met EE#4 right before I decided I was going to move there. We had an instant connection and really hit it off. We were looking for the same things in life and approached life pretty similarly. He called me "Daddy material." As in he would raise kids with me, not he wanted to dress me in leather.
Soon, the pressure of expiration dating became too much. He broke it off about a month before he went back to school and two months before I moved.
We would reconnect when I came back to town, and he was always my go-to "there's someone out there I could spend my life with" crush when I needed one.
In fact, one of the perks to moving back here (I thought) was that we could reconnect and see if we were right about what we thought was between us.
Then we spent a weekend together in San Francisco. We both realized how much we've changed, we actually bickered quite a bit, he admitted to being mean to me so I wouldn't try to sleep with him because he wasn't at a place where he could do that (here's a thought: just tell me it's not going to happen and trust that it won't), and it was all around a ridiculous weekend. I wish I could explain it further, but frankly it just feels like gossip. What it comes down to is I had some expectations I maybe shouldn't have had, and he was an ass about it. Half of the weekend was really fun and I love San Fran. Half of the weekend blew. We haven't talked since.
I don't know if I have any baggage, but it does illustrate a few lessons that I like to remember.
1- I don't handle subtext well. Sometimes we're just going to have to talk about feelings. If you don't like this, we're probably not going to work out. I know this lesson doesn't seem to fit in here, but it does.
2- Sometimes I'm wrong.
Doris sez:
ReplyDeleteRock is WRONG sometimes? WHAAAAAAA?
(Haha. Just had to be a smartass for a second.)
Let me just say that I rarely DISLIKE Rock's boyfriends (or lovers--Rock hates that word--or whatever). They are often nice, fun people. Most of them really like me too.
However, just because I like them doesn't mean they are right for Rock.
EE4 is an interesting case. He was sad to see Rock go. I was sad too (though I understood why Rock felt he needed to move), and EE4 and I kind of bonded over that. I wasn't too surprised when they broke up, and I thought it would be better for Rock in the long run. He was going to start over in a new city. He didn't need the pressure of a long-distance relationship.
But EE4 never quite went away. And I thought that was okay...as long as Rock kept his expectations in check.
Rock is a loving, giving, emotional guy. He cared a lot for EE4. So when he went to San Francisco, Rock's expectations were perhaps higher than they should have been.
Doesn't excuse EE4's exceptionally poor treatment of him that weekend. All he had to say was, "I don't think it's a good idea for us to be physically involved this weekend, let's just be friends and have fun." That's it. He didn't need to treat Rock like shit. No, I wasn't there to witness this, BUT I fielded phone calls from Rock all weekend. I didn't mind, of course, as I want to be there when Rock needs me. I just felt awful that my best friend was suffering so much, he had to call me for reassurance, when a) he was in one of the country's coolest cities, and b) he was with someone who should have been a friend to him, rather than an asshole.
I think it's good EE4 and Rock haven't talked since. Maybe they'll be friends again someday, but EE4 needs to get over a whole lotta issues before that happens.
And if a platonic reunion never happens, well, it's EE4's loss.