That's the Fun Message!, by Doris

From the OKCupid In-box Files of Doris:

He said:

The first thing I'm going to do is be an asshole and yell at you about posting a Black Swan spoiler in your profile.

(NOTE: my profile says something about the lead character in Black Swan going cuckoo. That's IT.)

I said:

Dear Asshole,

If you've seen even ten seconds of a Black Swan trailer, you can kind of guess where ol Natty P's character is going mentally.

Plus, the movie's been out a week.

It's not like I told you who Tyler Durden is. (HINT: IT'S ED NORTON.)

He said:

You look like Meg Ryan. The natural looking pretty Meg Ryan, not the plastic surgery and fake fat lips Meg Ryan. How much do I have to pay you to do the diner scene. LOL.

I said:

Nothing. If there's one thing I DON'T want to do, it's prostitute myself. Wrong word choice, dude. Wrong word choice.

He said:

Hi, how are you? How was your weekend? How do you like the cold and snow?

I didn't say, though I really, really wanted to:

WHY IS YOUR PROFILE PIC A TREE LIZARD? DO YOU REALLY THINK A TREE LIZARD WILL GET YOU LAID?

Coming soon: an update on the boys who DO write articulately, the politics of New Year's Eve, and gearing up for my very first date!