Fun With Numbers, by Doris

Earlier this week, I was sent a one-line message that did not contain proper grammar. Normally, that is a dealbreaker, but I liked the thumbnail picture of the guy's face so I clicked on it.

Hello, Six-Pack.

As I tend to go for the underfed hipster with just enough tummy to love type, I was intrigued. After Rock confirmed that the pictures were definitely not Photoshopped, I sent Six-Pack a message saying what's up. We agreed to meet for a drink Saturday at my favorite neighborhood dive bar.

I was fully intending to vet him and make sure he wasn't a serial killer (I've watched way too much 48 Hours, aka Don't Be a Single Woman Who Enjoys Sex Or YOU WILL DIE), and then take him home with me. Even if I got a weird feeling, I was probably at least going to make out with him at the bar. I arranged for a friend to call at midnight and make sure everything was okay.

I got there at 9, our designated meeting time. At 9:15, I knew he wasn't coming.

Now, to be fair, I'm not sure what happened. On Thursday night after we'd decided on a date and time, I messaged him asking for his cell phone number. I'm not a big phone person, but I like to have this before a date so I can call or text if I'm running late (which I usually am). Never heard back. Granted, I just moved, as did half of my city, and I don't yet have Internet at home: in fact, I had to send this last message from Rock's computer. It could very well be he's in the same situation and only has sporadic access to OKCupid. Maybe something did happen and he had no way of getting ahold of me.

Or maybe he's just a jackass who got a better offer.

Either way, I decided to wait another 15 minutes, as I was enjoying sitting around and drinking a beer.

Then, a very cute guy walked into the bar. He was alone, and appeared to be waiting for someone. I was pretty sure it wasn't Six-Pack, but there was a little resemblance, and sometimes people look different from their pictures. And if it really was Six-Pack, maybe he hadn't seen me yet.

A year ago this totally wouldn't have happened. Last night, I took a chance.

I took myself and my beer to the stool next to him.

"Excuse me," I said, "but has anyone ever told you, you look like Hunter Parrish?"

(He totally did, by the way.)

So it wasn't Six-Pack. But HP was a nice guy who is an artist and has three other jobs, who had just come from a concert and was waiting for his (male) friend. We had a fun little conversation (during which the word "girlfriend" didn't come up at all), and after he got a text from his friend asking him to meet elsewhere, I decided to walk out with him. I didn't tell HP my exact situation, just that I was waiting for someone too and I didn't think they were going to show.

Before we parted ways, he gave me his card.

And those weren't the only digits I scored yesterday.

Besides seeing each other at work, Jim Berger and I have been emailing back and forth for over a week. Just little things: our weekend plans, joking/bitching about work, etc. He contacted me yesterday, recommending a play, and saying he should have asked me to join him as he had a free ticket and his friend bailed at the last minute.

Seeing my opening, I emailed back: "For next time, or if you find yourself stranded at the movies: [my phone number]."

Less than two hours later, I get a reply: "Your number is now in my phone, so expect calls if I'm stranded. Or otherwise." Also, his number.

I have no idea where this is going.

I can't wait to find out.

A really awesome date, by Rock

So on Sunday night I had a bit of an unconventional date planned. It went really well though. Surprisingly well.

I went over to their place after work, which was conveniently about a block and a half away. We had drinks and talked for a bit before watching Tangled. The energy was there, and by the end of the movie we were cuddling. Soon after clothes came off and we headed to the bedroom for an incredible time. I was told, "Of course you'll stay and cuddle, right?" I was offered an extra toothbrush and to see if their extra phone charger would fit my phone (it did! win!). Just a really fantastic night all around where I really felt a connection. Before I left in the morning, plans were made to hang out again very soon.

Well if you haven't caught on that I'm using a plural pronoun yet... the date was with a couple.

I met one of them on grindr earlier in the week, and after hitting it off he admitted that he had a relationship of two years and they were looking to open it up. They wanted someone they could be friends with, they didn't just want an anonymous person to come in and drop trou. Everything they said while talking to both of them convinced me that they were going about it in the absolute best possible way. We made plans for Sunday night and you just heard the rest.

They were such a great couple, it was great to be a part of it for a while. Their affection for each other was contagious. Opening up a relationship isn't something I think I could do personally, but they took such great care of each other during the "exploration" that I'm glad it works for them, because honestly it was a really fun, hot night. I'm looking forward to having two new friends, and if we happen to fool around again, that's okay too. But really that's just icing.

Other updates:

Still haven't heard back from Faux Spaniard. I almost feel like writing again expressing my sadness that he doesn't want to be friends. Not to try and change his mind, but to get across that I really did want that.

Haven't heard from Scrubs since our mutual night out.

Charlie and I continue to text about once a day and are hanging out tomorrow.

Was out with Doris last night at a gay bar and had a great time. Gay men seem to find her fabulous. A cute guy came over and hit on me last night, which is rare. He was cute enough and was doing everything right, talking to Doris and me instead of just me, etc etc, and did get my phone number, but then this guy I know from college came over who was kind of being a dramatic downer and this new guy kind of got in a diva-off with him, which wasn't the most attractive thing. If he asks I'll still get coffee with him though, because in all honestly the guy from college was being kind of annoying.

Do I Do(uche), by Doris

Observations from my first few days on OKCupid:

1. There are a LOT of people looking for love.

2. Some of them are really pretentious.

3. One of them deigned to IM me.

I now give you the story of Dr. Douchebag.

He liked my pics, called me hot. Haven't heard that since the days of Ex-calibur, so I went with it. Even after he gave me crap for not knowing the capital of Qatar. Yes, he's that guy.

Shoulda been my first clue.

What shoulda been my second clue is when he asked for my number AFTER I suggested we meet. Now, I engaged in a discussion (re: friendly argument over beers at our neighborhood dive bar) with Rock and his new friend 2.0 last night about this. I don't want to talk online for weeks and weeks with some dude and get my hopes up, only to meet him and find out the energy's just not there in person. I'd rather figure it out after a few emails.

In short, I wanted to meet this guy and he wanted to talk on the phone with me first.

I said fine, just give me your number and a good time to reach you. He said no, insisted we exchange numbers.

Shoulda been my third clue. You can probably see where this is going.

So it's the next day, 11 a.m. and I'm talking to my coworker. I happen to have my phone with me and it starts vibrating with the sounds of Dr. Douchebag. I could practically hear "capital of Qatar" in the brrr brrr brrr.

This would have been whatever, HAD I NOT TOLD HIM I HAVE A 9-5 JOB.

And the kicker? He didn't even leave a gotdamn message.

Done.

Except not quite.

I'm at a bar last night, gearing up to perform in a dance show, when I get another call, a voice mail, and a text message asking if I had received said voice mail.

Egged on by my fellow dancers, I responded in kind:

"Got your call and voice mail. Thanks, but I think you'd be better off with someone who knows the capital of Qatar. Because I don't, and I am totally cool with that. :)"

Instead of taking my smartass response as a hint, Dr. (Clueless) Douchebag thinks my feelings are hurt by his Big Manly Intellect and sends a looooong text message about how he thinks it's just so awesome I work where I do, and since Qatar was all over the news with the World Cup, he thought my poor little feminine brain would know the capital, and can he buy me a drink to make up for it.

Then he called again and left a voice mail AGAIN. To make sure my texts were still working, I guess.

Rock and 2.0 suggested I ignore it. My very smart roommate said that was only going to encourage Dr. Douchebag. So I sent him this:

"Got your second call and voice mail. Thanks, but this is not going to work. Please do not contact me again." Implied: or I will call the cops on your pretentious stalker ass.

Dr. Douchebag's response, not ten seconds later:

"Our loss."

UGH.

So what has formerly naive, now slightly more savvy Doris learned, boys and girls?

1. It's okay to be picky! Listening to your instincts does not make you a bitch, it makes you smart.

2. Don't give someone your number right away. Especially if they're pushing you into it.

3. There are guys out there who will NOT make fun of your lack of obscure geographical knowledge and your 9-5 office job. Some of whom, in fact, have been messaging you!

Three days in and this online thing is fun, but kind of overwhelming.

No more Dr. Douchebags, though. That skeevy ship has sailed.