More Fun With Messages!, by Doris

While Rock's been in woo woo loveland with 2.0, I have been messaged by various jackasses on the ol' OKC. Why is it that every dude who deigns to message me first is so repugnant?

He said:

hows my future wifey doing besides gorgeous? :-) [sic]

I said:

Trying to decide which is more horrifying: your lack of apostrophes or your use of the word "wifey."

He said:

why did i want . . . to scream "hooray for boobies" when i viewed your profile . . . oh yeah that's right ;)

I said:

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Good luck finding someone that actually works on.

NOTE TO MEN ON OKCUPID: Cutesy-pie emoticons do not excuse bad punctuation/grammar, sexual harassment, or the word "wifey." Come ON.

Well, New Year's Eve is upon us: hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. Come tomorrow, I'll be the gal at yoga class with a genuine grin on my face, because I have this to come home to:

OK, on the Inception DVD. Still counts!

Speaking of cuties on film, this video goes out to a very special gay who just got laid. Rock-N-Rolla (see what I did there?), this is for you.

Crazy, by Rock

So a problem that EE#6 might have compounded that I wasn't too aware of is that I am borderline crazy paranoid that 2.0...

...is getting irritated with me.

...doesn't like me as much.

...is regretting inviting me on the trip but feels trapped now that tickets are bought.

I have to trust that he's filling me in on how he's feeling, and if he's pretending that everything is good when it isn't, that's on him. In other words...

SETTLE DOWN, CRAZY, AND ENJOY THE RIDE.

And So It Goes, by Rock

Last night, two of my very good friends (pretty much my only set of "couple" friends that I approve of the relationship 100%) were in town. 2.0 and I met up with them for dinner and board games. It was BY FAR the most fun I've ever had on a double date. He held his own quite well, and it wasn't long before the friends were whispering their approvals.

On the walk back to my place, he invited me to accompany him in about 4 weeks on a the first half of a business trip to one of my favorite cities in the world. I told him I would love to if it worked out. I then said (About 7 beers in. Bravery in a bottle):

"So if you're inviting me on trips, what exactly are we? Are we ready for that word?"

This led to a conversation right inside my front door where we talked about what the b-word means to us: the honor and pride and seriousness it conveys. We both felt emotionally "there," but felt that if it was used too early it could cheapen it. We both admitted that we would be each other's next boyfriend. We talked again about how we were dating exclusively. I weighed all of this in my head and considered the following:

-I like his friends. His friends like me.

-He likes my friends. My friends like him.

-He likes me, and shows and tells this numerous times a day.

-He's considerate and kind.

-We want the same things in life.

-Using the b-word doesn't mean you're married. It just means that you think the other person is special and you're excited for the potential future.

-He has a really big penis.

I told him that whether it was tonight or in twenty more dates, he had a boyfriend when he wanted one. I told him to mull it over. He told me that yes, we should be boyfriends.

So I have a boyfriend. Time will tell if he's "the one" or the future EE#7.

And then...

We finally had sex. Eyes rolling back into their sockets sex. Keeping my douchebag-neighbor-who-so-had-it-coming up at 4a because I'm screaming so loud sex. Was sore all day today sex.

Totally worth the wait.

This morning I told him my concerns about the trip. I have had issues in the past (EE#2 with the lease and EE#5 with the Australia trip) where relationships went on longer than they should because of "plans." I told him my condition would be that I had flight insurance and he would promise to break-up with me if he was over it before the trip and not just "get through" that weekend.

He understood where I was coming from and agreed. I thought about it all day, and decided that one of my resolutions for 2011 was to go to this city, I will have a free hotel, I will have someone helping with airfare, I'm all about just acting like things are going to go my way because they usually do, yes. I'm going.

After we discussed the trip, we did one of my favorite things that we do where we lie in bed and hold each other and talk about how awesome we are. I call them (to his face, I totally call us out) our "patting ourselves on the backs conversations." It's not the catchiest name, but I'm working on it. This morning it was about how lucky we are that we're both really sweet and cuddly but then still really like sex and think it's important.

I can hear you gag as you read this.

Sooner or Later It Comes Down to Fate, by Doris

So I have a date on Thursday.

Rivers-a-like of the suburban address and the occasional affinity for top 40 music (which we initially bonded over, I HATE the hipsters that blindly denigrate good pop songs, ditto for hipsters that declare Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny since the Carvey years) is going to be in my neighborhood to see a concert. As I wanted to have some sort of date before the year ended - and I'm not touching New Year's Eve with a ten-foot pole, WORST time for a first date ever - we have decided to have drinks before the show.

I think this is good for several reasons. Rock usually advises against drinks on the first date (a rule that he admittedly has broken many times), but in my case there's a timeline. Only so much alcohol you can pound in an hour/90 minutes or so. Plus, we're going to a really lovely cafe/bar type place, aaaaand I have a cool new outfit which includes a gorgeous lace skirt I got on the Target clearance rack for $8.50!

So even if the date sucks, I will look very pretty.

It's funny, I think my family (while home at Christmas, I tried to just tell my sister, but my mom overheard) and friends (my two closest work pals, who helped me pick out the cafe/bar) are more excited about this than I am. Quite frankly, my expectations aren't that high.

As I've said before, I'm not terribly keen to date someone who doesn't live in the city. Should this work out, I'm keeping my OKCupid profile and pursuing other dudes. Rock and 2.0 are emotionally involved now, and good for them. I'm interested to see this relationship unfold, and I really hope it works out as I like 2.0.

However, I was emotionally involved with Excalibur for fourteen years, up until just a couple of months ago. My family still hates him--I can tell by the way they very deliberately did NOT say his name this weekend. I don't hate Excalibur. He didn't do anything wrong.

But I don't want to jump into another big thing right away. My heart needs a little rest. My mind needs a little fun.

And my body could use a little something else. Don't know if we'll get to that on Thursday. After all, Rivers-a-like has a concert to go to.

Disabled, not Deleted, by Rock

Happy Holidays to the six of you that read this!

2.0 and I both went to our respective families for the holiday, but we talked on the phone and texted. We both got back on Sunday, and when I didn't have to go to work, he invited me out to have a few drinks with him and his oldest friend.

I was a little nervous about winning over this straight, opinionated guy that I had heard so many stories about, but we all seemed to have a good time. 2.0 and I are sliding into that couple role very nicely. When his friend was in the bathroom, we remarked to each other that every time we see each other it just feels better and better, when according to the time before seemed impossible (sorry for your gag reflexes).

Which brings me to the heart of this post. I just got on Connexion and marked myself as "Exclusively Dating." I just got on OKCupid and disabled my account. It will still be there in all its glory should I choose to sign in again, but I was tired of getting messages from guys, especially the guys that I would maybe be interested in if I was single, and feeling no desire to write them back. I'm investing myself for the time being in this. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but this is where I am now and it's unfair to anyone looking at my profile to think otherwise.

Of course, the time I log in to disable the account, 2.0 finally pops up as a suggested match.

Speaking of, I really don't care if he disables his account or not. I won't be checking in on him. I don't think I'm ready for the "boyfriend" talk. This is just where I'm at now. This one is about me.

"We're Disgusting:" An indulgent post, by Rock

Had another date with 2.0 last night. I'm trying to decide how many details are necessary and how many of them are just bragging.

Since he gave me a stocking, I gave him a present. At Doris's suggestion, I went for thoughtful instead of sentimental, which turned out to be a good choice: a pound of coffee and two coffee mugs from his favorite coffee shop.

We went to the light festival in a nearby park and walked around. He wanted his arm linked in mine at most times, which was the perfect amount of affection and discretion. He complained about the tourists who would stop in the middle of a narrow walkway, but then laughed it off, which was perfect.

We went to eat at one of my favorite restaurants in the city and walked back to my place to watch a movie and drink more wine.

Yada yada yada. I saw him naked for the first time. Yada yada yada. No complaints.

It was an amazing night that makes me want to use words I usually hate or roll my eyes at like "sensual."

We woke up and had coffee and coffee cake in bed. Perfect.

Which is the word he kept using. "This night has been perfect." "Lying in bed and drinking coffee: perfect."

We were talking about how there really hasn't been any drama and it's been really easy. He said he had told his friend about us and finished up with "Yeah, we're pretty disgusting."

He has mentioned a few times that Christmas came early this year. Stuff like that would usually sound smarmy and false, but he makes it sound sweet and genuine in the best dorkiest way possible.

He told me this morning about the dream he had last night where we were at a restaurant and it was some kind of game show or speed dating night and they wanted us to switch dates and we refused.

I can't handle how well this is going.

All of that anxiety I had about putting myself in a position to be hurt again was gone when I caught him smiling to himself throughout the night when he didn't realize I was looking. I can allow that sometimes good things are going to happen.

My mom often accuses me of being too picky, of not getting past faults. I tell her I have no problem holding out for something that feels absolutely right. Granted, it's still way too early to see where this is going, but if there's not the possibility for perfection, why waste my time? Time with 2.0 is time well spent.

That's the Fun Message!, by Doris

From the OKCupid In-box Files of Doris:

He said:

The first thing I'm going to do is be an asshole and yell at you about posting a Black Swan spoiler in your profile.

(NOTE: my profile says something about the lead character in Black Swan going cuckoo. That's IT.)

I said:

Dear Asshole,

If you've seen even ten seconds of a Black Swan trailer, you can kind of guess where ol Natty P's character is going mentally.

Plus, the movie's been out a week.

It's not like I told you who Tyler Durden is. (HINT: IT'S ED NORTON.)

He said:

You look like Meg Ryan. The natural looking pretty Meg Ryan, not the plastic surgery and fake fat lips Meg Ryan. How much do I have to pay you to do the diner scene. LOL.

I said:

Nothing. If there's one thing I DON'T want to do, it's prostitute myself. Wrong word choice, dude. Wrong word choice.

He said:

Hi, how are you? How was your weekend? How do you like the cold and snow?

I didn't say, though I really, really wanted to:

WHY IS YOUR PROFILE PIC A TREE LIZARD? DO YOU REALLY THINK A TREE LIZARD WILL GET YOU LAID?

Coming soon: an update on the boys who DO write articulately, the politics of New Year's Eve, and gearing up for my very first date!

The Final Evil Ex and MORE, by Rock

(I know this is #6, but Scott Pilgrim has 5 & 6 on the same poster. NOTHING I CAN DO. )

So MONTHS after EE#5, I met a guy at a party and we seemed to click and yada yada yada we started seeing each other. It was pretty low stakes for me. He was applying to med schools and I was already thinking about moving. And this was fine. He honestly wasn't anyone I saw any long-term potential in, but I figured that as long as we were on the same page, we could have some fun.

This was also my attempt at applying all of the changes I wanted in my relationship style after having my heart broken. I was to be more confident, less emotionally-attached at the beginning, and know and convey what I wanted from the relationship.

And all in all, everything went really well. It was a very fun summer. And he said he was on the same page about just enjoying ourselves before we went our separate ways.

Except he wasn't playing by the same rules as me. It was very clear that he was falling in LOVE. Talk about how maybe he would be accepted to a med school in the city I was moving to started sneaking into the conversation. He was getting a little more clingy...

SHUT IT DOWN.

As the song goes, sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. Despite his pleading to keep dating until I moved, I played the "I've found myself already emotionally detaching from you and this city" card (that's a card?) and after a tearful night on his part and feeling like an ass on my part, it was over.

Actually, I'm pretty pleased with how I handled this relationship and there's really not a lot of baggage. If anything, it reiterates a lesson learned from EE#2: It's not my job to play detective. I should be able to take what you say at face value. If you're lying about how you feel, that's on you, not me.

So while there's not really any baggage, there also weren't really any stakes.

And I've started to realize this morning that there are stakes right now. For the first time since EE#5, I could have my heartbroken again. Despite trying to take it slow, feelings are clearing developing, and I am going to have to trust this (albeit seemingly wonderful) man to not hurt me.

That's really scary.

Evil Ex #5, by Rock

So once upon a time, in between the two stories of EE#4, when I was 24-years-old, I met a very cute 20-year-old college student on Connexion. We started talking and decided to go on a date. I realized the dangers of dating a newly-out 20-year-old college student, but I decided we could just have a fun night or two and it didn't have to turn into anything.

Except that it did. I fell madly in love with him. Yes, I was concerned that he was so young and so "new," but he assured me over and over that he couldn't ever see himself needing to play the field and his sister had been with her first boyfriend for the last five years.

So I let things develop. And develop they did. I got along super well with his friends, his dog, his parents (they got a holiday card from me last year). He came home for a visit with me and got along super well with my friends and family.

He honestly was the first person (and up to this point only) person that I've ever thought I could spend the rest of my life with. It was that good. Even the guy I lived with, I think I always realized that I was young enough that it would never be forever with him. I guess that should have been a warning sign for this one.

It was all going amazingly well until he left to study abroad in Australia. He had told me he was planning to go when we met, but it was five months away, and it was never supposed to get super serious anyway. But as it drew nearer, we had to address it. I was very okay with letting him have his five months away and then starting to date again when he came back if it felt right. I didn't want to hinder his experience there at all. For the record, he was the one who wanted to make it work. We bought webcams, we got Skype accounts, I bought tickets to visit him two months in.

And for a while it worked really well. And then it didn't. I felt him getting more distant. The emails got shorter. The Skype dates were few and far between. And I was torn. I wanted him to have the experience he needed over there, but as my friends reminded me, there were two of us in the relationship, and my needs needed to be met as well.

I wrote him a message explaining the distance I had been feeling, and he wrote back that he was feeling it as well. We decided to enjoy our trip together and see if that helped.

I cannot express how awful it was waiting two weeks for the trip. Waiting the 18 hours on the plane. Waiting the cab ride over to his dorm from the airport. Even the trip itself was the most "bipolar" experience of my life. On one hand, I was out of North America for the first time of my life and exploring this amazing city and country. On the other hand, I knew I was "auditioning" to keep my relationship and pretty sure I was failing.

The day I left was the day he left for spring break. We agreed to not talk about the big elephant in the room until he got back. So there was another two weeks of awful dreadful waiting. I wrote him a note with one last plea that even if we took a break for the rest of his trip, there was something worth fighting for and I wanted to pick up where we left off when he got back.

He wrote back a very sweet note that while he loved me, I didn't fit into his life right now and he needed to end the relationship. Maybe we would start up again when he got back, but it couldn't be a definite.

And that was that. Except that it wasn't. Because I still held onto the hope that it would in fact start up again. And then when it didn't, I held onto the hope that maybe he just needed a few months at home before he'd want me back in his life. But he didn't. And I got the hint eventually.

It's the first time I've ever had a broken heart. I feel like I became a man from this experience. I literally got some wrinkles I hadn't had before. Maybe it was coincidence, but I really don't think it was.

We had lunch before I moved back and it was nice to see him without an agenda. We caught up and wished each other well, and I can honestly say there is no regrets. I wish him the best.

But fuck that hurt.

Lessons and baggage:

1- I used to think it was important if you liked the same movies. Now I realize that nothing is more important than having the same long-term and short-term goals. So maybe it's awkward to talk about, but rest assured on that first date I am going to mention the house and dog and kids in my future and that I'm not just dating for dating's sake anymore. I'd rather have one awkward date on the first date than an awkward date a month or two into dating.

2- Especially with things going so well with 2.0 (There's only one time before that the beginning of a relationship has felt this good. GUESS WHICH ONE.), I'm very cognizant of the fact that my heart could be broken again. I haven't put up a giant prison wall around my heart, but there is a small fence that you're going to have to jump over if you want in.

3- I won't say that I loved him more, but I was definitely more invested than him. I kind of didn't mind that feeling, but now I do. Jesus Christ, please don't smother me, but I want to feel special as well. I read once that the best relationship is a contest of generosity. Maybe I don't mind if I win (in fact, I probably prefer it), but I need you to compete.

4- No more college students or new gays.

A temporary break from the discussion of the past to discuss the present, by Rock

2.0 had not quite major, not quite minor surgery on Wednesday, so we've been doing a lot of texting and talking on the phone (not crazy amounts but we've definitely been in touch each day) but we haven't seen each other for a week. He was finally feeling well enough that I offered to come over this morning and cook him brunch.

I have to say, my scrambles were to die for. I'm really glad they worked out.

I also got a present. Now I had given him a book that he had said he wanted to read before his surgery. I was a little worried that it was too soon, but he seemed to really appreciate the gesture.

Today I got a thank-you card with a stocking full of candy. My favorite kinds of candy. We had had a candy discussion on our last date and I had in fact been planning a stocking for him but he beat me to it.

But the best were the Starbursts. I had mentioned that I have to take them out of the package, rearrange them in order of worst to best, and eat them in that order. This crazy, sweet boy took the Starbursts out of the wrapper and tied them up in groups of four with ribbon, in my order of worst to best with a bow on top of each one. It might just be the sweetest thing I've ever received from a boy.

He also drinks his coffee black, but remembered from my online profile how I dress my coffee. He went out this morning and bought me skim milk and splenda.

Where did I find him?

I actually had a bit of a freak out in my head toward the beginning of the morning. He's very good on paper and very considerate and kind, and I was nervous that I wouldn't see past this and look to see if we actually had a connection.

And it is important to remember that I have not decided that this guy should be my next boyfriend. As much as I like what I see, I don't have enough information to make an informed decision.

The way I worded it today was that "I am really excited to see where this goes with you." He liked the wording, and we seem to be in the same place.

This was borderline inappropriate and worded very carefully, but I told him that I wasn't actively looking for other people to date, and he had my full attention. He said he was in the same place. He then added that I was welcome to spend the night whenever I like, which seemed to be a big deal for him.

At the same time, we're still realistic about our expectations and realize just because we want to get to know someone, it doesn't mean we do know them. We're still taking it slow in the bedroom department. We realize that this is a work-in-progress.

Damn it shows promise though.

EDIT: Damn! (Double damn!). In my tiredness, I totally spaced on a big development. I changed my statuses on some sites. OKCupid says I'm seeing someone but still looking for dates. Connexion says I'm dating (which is different from exclusively dating). I didn't necessarily feel like I owed this to 2.0, but more to guys who are looking through profiles. For the time being, I'm committed to seeing where this goes, and I'm just not interested on going on a bunch of first dates. That's time better spent with friends, with 2.0, at the gym, watching bad reality television...

Evil Ex #4, by Rock

I hate how big these are, but I'm too lazy to fix them and I can't stop now that I've started.

So remember how I lived somewhere else for 3 years? I met EE#4 right before I decided I was going to move there. We had an instant connection and really hit it off. We were looking for the same things in life and approached life pretty similarly. He called me "Daddy material." As in he would raise kids with me, not he wanted to dress me in leather.

Soon, the pressure of expiration dating became too much. He broke it off about a month before he went back to school and two months before I moved.

We would reconnect when I came back to town, and he was always my go-to "there's someone out there I could spend my life with" crush when I needed one.

In fact, one of the perks to moving back here (I thought) was that we could reconnect and see if we were right about what we thought was between us.

Then we spent a weekend together in San Francisco. We both realized how much we've changed, we actually bickered quite a bit, he admitted to being mean to me so I wouldn't try to sleep with him because he wasn't at a place where he could do that (here's a thought: just tell me it's not going to happen and trust that it won't), and it was all around a ridiculous weekend. I wish I could explain it further, but frankly it just feels like gossip. What it comes down to is I had some expectations I maybe shouldn't have had, and he was an ass about it. Half of the weekend was really fun and I love San Fran. Half of the weekend blew. We haven't talked since.

I don't know if I have any baggage, but it does illustrate a few lessons that I like to remember.

1- I don't handle subtext well. Sometimes we're just going to have to talk about feelings. If you don't like this, we're probably not going to work out. I know this lesson doesn't seem to fit in here, but it does.

2- Sometimes I'm wrong.

Evil Ex #3, by Rock

After the ridiculousness of Evil Exes #1 and 2, it's pretty silly that the issues I'm dealing with right now are mostly from EE#3.

After #2, I dated around a lot and had a lot of "two week relationships" where I'd go on a few dates with a guy before realizing that we weren't a good enough match to keep seeing each other and end it. These were mostly guys that wouldn't get past one date now, but back then someone liking me was enough for me to like them.

Then I met EE#3. EE#3 graduated from my department at my college the spring before, but I had never really known him. We had some mutual friends and got introduced at a bar one night. We ended up fooling around and making plans for a date.

We started seeing each other and though things were going well, EE#3 needed to take it SLOW. Like glacier-paced. It was months before he was okay with the boyfriend moniker.

Now that wasn't that big of a deal for me. Regardless of the label, if a relationship is meeting my needs, it's meeting my needs. What really got to me were his issues about communication.

In a need to assert his independence or something, he would often wait hours and hours before responding to my texts and calls. He owned this issue and admitted to it. I tried to explain that if ever didn't want to talk, that was fine. I didn't care. If I had a question about our plans or something, it would be nice if he could get over it and get back to me. If he was busy or something that was fine, but for him to just admit that he didn't feel like getting back to me was frustrating to say the least.

After four months, the relationship just wasn't progressing at all, and I was ready for it to evolve into something more serious. He wasn't willing to give it to me, and we parted ways, pretty amicably. I still hang out with him from time to time. He helped me shop at IKEA a few weeks ago when I moved back here in fact.

Why is he even considered an Evil Ex? Because every time I go to text or call 2.0 I worry that I'm bothering him. That he doesn't want to hear from me. Two things.

1- I realize you're going to have to take my word on this, but I am NOT a crazy stalker texter. I have dated those before. With me, we're talking an occasional "good morning, cutie" or "how was your day?" I shouldn't be worried about smothering someone with this level of communication.

2- 2.0 is always ecstatic to hear from me, or at least acts like it. He returns the affection. He talks about how I make him "smiley." He has initiated the conversation probably as much as I have.

Yet I still worry like crazy. Let's hope this relaxes.

EE#3 is also the epitome of a classic Rock trend. I tend to go for guys that I like more than they like me. I don't know if I consider myself a work in progress or if I just like a challenge. But guys who like me too much turn me off. That quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower comes to mind: "We accept the love we think we deserve." Lately I find myself deserving of a lot more though, which is good because I'm honored and amazed by how much this amazing guy seems to be into me. It's just right.

Practice Makes Perfect, by Doris

So I heard back from Rivers-a-like, who apparently is not too familiar with people who don't own cars. Can't tell if he was joking or not. To be fair, sometimes it's hard to tell in emails.

Because of holiday craziness, the earliest time he is free is December 30, where he can meet up briefly before going to a concert.

(And if anyone is wondering about our rule, Rock has informed me that he's granting a reprieve until after the New Year. As I've mentioned before, I have one guy mired in finals, plus another guy I'm talking to is in a show that I can't go to because I have plans, and my schedule is just generally wacko right now. So thank you for understanding, Rock. Although I expect a Christmas gift as well.)

I told him that was fine and am waiting to hear back. I think he's only on OKCupid about once a day, as am I.

I still want to meet him. I do.

But as I was telling Rock over coffee last night, I think this will be more of a practice date.

Yes, yes, I know I'm an asshole.

Let me explain:

If you've been reading this blog, you know I'm not super experienced when it comes to dating. I was in an on-and-off, well, something (I hate the word "relationship" even though family and friends inform me that's exactly what it was) for fourteen years. Fourteen years. That's a long time.

And during that time, I went out some. I had a few serious crushes. I slept with Rock's actor buddy. Still, though, I haven't been out on many dates. I could use a brush-up.

And let's be honest--this guy lives an hour away. I think he's planning on moving back to the city eventually, and good for him, but: a) I don't want to hang around and wait for that, and b) sometimes people DON'T move back to the city.

It's not just about the city vs. suburbs mindset. It's about the convenience.

I have a busy schedule. Many times I have to plan way ahead for nights with friends. However, last night I just met up with Rock for coffee. We had a two-hour or so window where we were free, so we did it. And that was fun. Sometimes I'm so busy, but an unexpected free night comes up. I'd like a guy who's within a reasonable distance, in case I would like to spend it with him.

I live in a major city, where there are tons of single dudes if OKCupid is to be believed. I don't think that's too much to want one in relatively the same place.

If Rivers-a-like says yes and we end up meeting, I will try to go in with an open mind. Who knows, I could totally fall for him and distance won't seem like a big deal at all.

But more and more, I am thinking this date will just be for practice.

And I'm fully aware this makes me kind of a jerk.

Evil Ex #2, by Rock

If only Evil Ex #2 was as hot as Chris Evans.

I met EE#2 online the January of my senior year of high school. He was a freshman at the college in a nearby town. He was gay, he was nice to me, and after EE#1, that's really all it took. We started dating. When I went to college that fall, we did long distance for a school year, and then (with my parents' disapproval but willingness to let us make our mistakes and learn from them) he moved in with me and transfered to a college near me. It lasted until the fall of my junior year, though it should have been over much sooner.

More on that in a minute.

To give EE#2 some credit, he wasn't always a bad boyfriend. He helped me get over a lot of issues, especially those caused by EE#1. Someone needed to clean up those pieces and deal with those insecurities. And he was willing.

Or was he? It came out toward the end that he was hugely resentful of some of the things I had asked of him. For example, I was uncomfortable with him drinking when I wasn't around. Now in all fairness, this is something that I shouldn't have been uncomfortable with. What he should have said was, "I can understand how you could be uncomfortable, but you should be able to trust me when I'm having a good time with my friends. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you." Instead he said, "Not a problem. I don't have to drink when you're not around." Then he built up all of this resentment against me.

By the end of the relationship, we were having fights on a regular basis, some of them turning a little physical. If we were out in public, he would want to deal with it immediately and had no problem having a fight in public. I much preferred to wait until we got home to deal with issues.

It just sucks being 20, and having the following conversation:

"Do you think we should break up?"

"We're in a lease. Let's try to make it work."

Of course it took a catalyst to actually break up. I had a crush on this guy in one of my classes. EE#2 had always said that if I had feelings for anyone else he would give me his blessing to explore them to some degree. So I filled EE#2 in and he freaked out. He tried to call my bluff (his later admission) and told me we would have to take a break if I really needed to explore those feelings. So we took a break. It turned into a break-up. A break-up that should have happened months and months if not years before.

So what is this suitcase full of?

1-For a while I was very concerned- overly concerned- that guys were telling me what I wanted to hear and building up resentment instead of actually just being okay with things. I've asked "Are you sure?" enough times to be annoying. With the help of EE#5 (foreshadowing!) and a therapist, there is now an implicit trust that we are talking about everything that you want to talk about. If you don't bring something up or lie about something, that's on you and that's your issue. I return the favor. There is a strict no-bullshit rule. If there is a discussion to be had, we have it.

2-This has to do with watching my parents fight a lot as well, but I don't fight anymore. I have discussions. I have rational discussions filled with "I" statements. I'm not saying they don't get heated sometimes, and I'm not saying I haven't slipped up once, but they don't get dirty. If you have a temper, I'm not going to be very forgiving.

3-It will be a VERY BIG DEAL the next time I live with a boyfriend. We will move into a new apartment not previously lived in by one of us. We will keep the surplus furniture in storage. We will have an "escape clause" in case one of us gets unhappy, a way to get out of the lease or something.

4-Because you see, I firmly believe that unconditional love is for parents and kids, and even then it makes me uncomfortable. Love is so much better when you earn it. I want my partner to be happy and grateful each day that I'm in his life. If he's not, then do us both a favor and move on. I don't care if it's five days into a relationship or fifty years. Let me earn your love, and do me the favor of earning mine back.

Inspired by Scott Pilgrim, a Tale of 6 "Evil" Ex-Boyfriends, Part 1, by Rock

Scott Pilgrim didn't really do it for me. It was fine. I enjoyed it on some level, but the entire thing felt like it valued being clever over entertaining. That being said, I thought the big metaphor of your new partner having to "fight" the baggage left by your exes was pretty spot-on. It got me thinking about who my "evil" exes are, and what prospective boyfriends have to battle to fully land in my comfort zone. So for the next few days, travel with me into the land of backstory and issues galore. Thank god this blog is anonymous.

For today...
Evil Ex #1. This one will be the worst. I promise.


Let me take you back to the summer before my senior year of high school. I had just figured out that I was a big homo and was starting to come to terms with it. I was doing a show at a big outdoor theater with Doris and I had just filled her in on my big discovery.


Also in the show was Evil Ex #1 (EE1). He was someone that I had always been aware of in the theater community. He was a few years older (20 if I'm remembering correctly) and one night after rehearsal he actually very sweetly said that he had developed feelings for me and if I reciprocated, he would like to go out on a date. I explained that I was still figuring things out, still in the closet, but yes that sounded like fun.


We made plans one night after a show to take a blanket out to the park and look at the stars. This was very sweet to my naive, romantic, Lloyd Dobler-loving 17-year-old self. I didn't realize that it was code for "let's fool around."


So that night I had my first kiss. Then clothes started to come off. I was a little surprised, but I was enjoying the attention and went along with it. Then underwear started coming off. Again, just kind of went along with it.


I kept going along with things. The night I kissed a boy for the first time, I also gave my first blow job, and lost my virginity. I realize I didn't say no, but the pressure was there and EE#1 definitely took advantage.


Then there was the night I did say no, and we had sex anyways.


I still continued to date him through the mind games and borderline abuse. One day he "thought he was falling in love with me." Another he was making me choose between my friend and my "boyfriend" giving me a ride home (he just wanted to fool around). He used to tell me that people were picking up on me being gay and us being a couple if he didn't want me around for a while. If we showed affection in public he'd make something up after about someone muttering about fags, just to mess with my head. He got pretty distant at one point and didn't understand why I was being clingy when it "wasn't like we were boyfriends or anything." When it "ended" I cried and I kind of hate myself for that now. It took me months and years to fully register all that had happened.


Through therapy, very nice boyfriends, and very good friends, I've made my peace with this. For the most part I'm pretty much over it. It's been over 8 years. A few issues still manifest.


1- I worry a lot about guys I date feeling pressured to fool around at first. I usually am ready to fool around first, and I worry that they feel pressure, almost to the point of anxiety.


2- If I'm not in the mood to fool around and someone tries more than twice to get me in the mood, I get more upset with them than I should. I realize where this issue is coming from and I can explain it, but I wish I could just let them try to get me in the mood. Because without this issue, they probably could. Instead it becomes more about whether or not they'll respect my wishes, even if they're coming from a good, happy, friendly place.


3- When first meeting someone, if they hit on me too overtly, I shut them down even more than most people would.


4- This is a weird one. He always used to sing. Not just to sing, but he'd sing to me. Like he was serenading me. But it was never about me, it was about him showing off. Now I get really uncomfortable when people sing "to" me. I just kind of shut it off and wait for them to stop.


So there you go. The first suitcase of baggage for 2.0 to get past.

Little Boxes, by Doris

So last night I took Rock's advice and tried to score a date. As in, meeting face to face, seeing if the energy I'm feeling online is there in person. One of my OKCupid cuties is mired in final exams this week (as he told me in a very sweet "I haven't forgotten you" note last Sunday), so I a) don't want to bother him during a stressful time, and b) do want to wait until he responds to me as promised. See what an awesome non-stalker I'm being?

In the meantime, there's another dude. Brown hair, glasses--fair warning to all guys with brown hair and glasses in my city, I WILL most likely message you at some point. This one's sort of Rivers Cuomo-esque (and I've always had a thing for Rivers, despite the many accounts that he's a total douche). Rivers-a-like and I have a good rapport online, so last night I bit the bullet and asked him to coffee, during one of the random times I have free this weekend (thank you, holidays).

Then it got complicated.

It's not that Rivers-a-like isn't up for coffee. He is.

However . . .

He doesn't live in the city. Due to various personal reasons, he's currently in a suburb about an hour west.

Now, he didn't exactly lie about this. Plus, I believe OKCupid pulls up every possible match in a 25-mile range. I never explicitly asked him, "do you live in the city?" I assumed it because his handle denotes a city address, but we all know that to assume is to make an ass out of u and me (cliche, yes, but it's proven true too many times to count).

And he was very sweet and apologetic, saying that if this is a dealbreaker for me, he understands. He is in the city most weekends and often a few times a week. He just wanted it out there before we actually met.

I remembered a similar thing happening to Rock. Only in Rock's case, the guy waited until after their first date to drop the S bomb, which I always thought was kind of a red flag.

So I told Rivers-a-like that it wasn't a dealbreaker, as long as he was in the city regularly. I also told him that due to a major car accident a few years ago, I don't own a car, so I hoped THAT was not a dealbreaker. Meaning if this goes anywhere, the burden will be on him to come to me.

I had a few minutes before work, so I checked OKCupid and he hadn't responded. However, this was at 8:45 a.m. and we usually message about 10 p.m.-ish. And if I don't hear back from him, it wasn't meant to be anyway.

Waiting, again. This time for a boy at a distance.

Gimme a Break, by Doris

Cher Rock,

I'm ecstatic that you and 2.0 are currently floating on a first-base cloud. Truly. I wish you all the smoochies and Strangers With Candy marathons in the world.

However, regarding your challenge to me in your last post:

• Our readers may not be aware of the fact that your job allows for far more flexibility than mine.


• For me, the next two days consist of this: work, appointment, work, office Christmas party, hopefully yoga so I don't get fat from all the food I will inevitably ingest and therefore become unattractive to the dudes on OKCupid.
  
• As this is the holiday season, everyone's partying and traveling (plus one of the boys I've been messaging with has finals this week). Including me. The only times I have free are as follows: Friday evening, Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon after the home pick-up of the charity I'm donating my old clothes to.

I know you are making a face right now and yelling, "Excuses, excuses, Doris, get on it dammit!"

So I'll make you a deal. I'll ask out one or more of the cuties I'm messaging with. If my limited time frame matches up with theirs, we will grab a coffee on Friday at the earliest.

Otherwise, my friend, I hope you don't have plans with 2.0 on Friday, 'cause we're heading to a straight bar!

Eye-rollingly yours,

Doris

Tapas and Dirty, Rotten, Thieving Gypsies, by Rock

First of all, a big hey-o to our new followers! Thanks for joining us. If we're being awesome or assholes, please let us know in the comments. Also, spread the word if you are liking our adventures.

Secondly, I'm afraid that my posts are going to start getting really annoying. I know there are blogs for STFU, Marrieds and STFU, Parents; is there also a STFU, Gay Guys Who Start Dating Blogs to Chronicle Their Dating Mis-Adventures and Then Find an Amazing Guy Right Off The Bat? Because if there is I'm in danger of being admitted.

I met 2.0 at his place and we went and ate tapas. We went back to his place and cuddled and made out and watched Strangers With Candy. I thought he never looked more adorable than when he was imitating Jerri Blank learning how to read.

We fell asleep on the couch, and before you know it, it's 2a. I was invited to stay. Clothes stayed on. I stayed on first base, only flirting with stealing second. When we woke up, he called in late to work so we could continue to make out.

A few of my friends think it's odd how little we've fooled around. I'm not concerned. It did cross my mind that maybe he's waiting to tell me about some STI, but I really just think he's old-fashioned.

Which is fine. It honestly is. I'll have sex on the first date or I'll have sex on the seventh. I enjoy sex, sex is important, but even with as important as it is, I know we'll get around to it, I know it'll be awesome, and I'm not concerned.

I was thinking about it last night, if clothes came off, it would be a lot of "is this okay?" and "is this too far?" and "how are you doing?" Saving it all for when we're completely ready to not just ready to make it to third but all the way home is going to allow us to completely trust each other and enjoy every second.

I would also like to remind Doris that per our agreement she has two days to go on a date or else we have to go to a straight bar and I have to play wingman. Doris. Get on it.

2.0 Date #3 Goals, by Rock

#1- Have a great time getting to know a great guy.

#2- Keep the drinking to a minimum. I'm all for social lubricant, but I'm curious as to how we are together when a little more sober.

#3- Pull off this cardigan I just bought last night. It makes me nervous.

Smitten, by Rock

On Friday night, 2.0 accompanied me to a performance of Doris's (by the way, Doris rocked the house). It was pretty much, without hyperbole, one of the greatest second dates of my life. I don't want to get into a play-by-play, because that's not what this blog is about, but I will use some bullet points (because who doesn't love bullet points?) to talk about how 2.0 earned his points on Friday evening.

• When work ran late, he took a cab instead of public transportation to get there on time.
• He made more effort than any other guy I've dated that's ever met a friend to get to know a friend (in this case Doris). It wasn't a superficial "I have to impress the fruit fly so I should pretend." He honestly made an effort to get to know her and win her over, which we both appreciated.
• We've both expressed a similar attitude of "I want kids and a dog and a white-picket fence. If things are going to progress, you should want that soon eventually. That being said, we're certainly not going to start looking at surrogates anytime soon. So let's just enjoy this beer and get to know each other."
• He's an excellent kisser. Thank god for first kisses because I was going crazy.
• He made plans for date #3 before date #2 was over.
• We were all discussing OKCupid and he mentioned that last time he signed on they suggested me as a match. This was meant as a cute anecdote, but it also reaffirmed that we're not jumping into anything super quickly here. He still signed in to OKCupid. Yeah, I'd want to lock it down at some point, but we're still getting to know each other. It's nice to know that even though we've admitted things are going well (he mentioned raving to his friends about his amazing first date the other night), we're both still being realistic.

Yes. I am being realistic. I really am into someone, someone who seems to reciprocate on the exact same level (I have a long history of dating guys whom I like more than they like me, and running from guys who like me more than I like them. Did I use "whom" and "who" correctly there?) and I am staying level-headed and realistic. Doris can attest that this has not been one of my strongest suits in the past. When I decide I'm in, I am IN. I am EMOTIONALLY INVESTED.

Usually. I'm really watching myself. I'm keeping myself in check. And you know what? It's fun.

It's fun to let him be the aggressor, the instigator. In the past I'd be so worry that a "catch" was going to get away, but I think I've finally realized that if I have to work super hard at it, he's going to get away eventually anyway. And luckily, I don't have to. We've been meeting in the middle as far as the "pursuing" goes.

A few of my friends have still warned to take things slow, and I will. But there is a feeling of certainty that I've felt only once before this early, a feeling that there is something worthwhile here. Now seeing as how it didn't work out before, it's possible that it's not going to work out again. I realize that. The lesson to learn here is that you KNOW when there's something worth exploring and just because it doesn't happen as much as I'd like it to is not a reason to go on second and third and fourth dates with guys that I don't feel it with.

As per usual, I am a little nervous about this newly dating place. I'm bad at figuring out when we should sleep together, when we should be exclusive, when we should use the "boyfriend" word. I'm bad at figuring it all out because at the end of the day it's not super important to me.

I think I'm handling it better this time though because I finally realize that I deserve someone as great as he appears to be and I hope he is.

(By the way, still answering a few messages on OKCupid. 2.0 is just making me be a heck of a lot pickier.)

Can You Hold On For One More Day?, by Doris

Now that Rock has encouraged me to be picky, I'm worried I'm getting TOO picky.

There's this semi-cute, very articulate guy who I've been messaging with. Notice I said semi-cute. Now, I'm not holding out for Jon Hamm (though that would be amazing). Ex-calibur certainly was no Adonis. But when I was in my early twenties, my very Catholic mother shocked the almighty hell out of me by saying, "You need to ask yourself: do I want to wake up with him in the morning?" Unexpected words of wisdom from a woman who married her high school boyfriend.

I'm not sure I'd want to wake up with Semi-Cute in the morning.

I'm torn. I mean, I wasn't attracted to Ex-calibur at first. Granted, I was in high school at the time, and I'd like to think my taste has gotten more varied than, say, Leonardo DiCaprio (who's still pretty hot, in my opinion).

But I'm getting a friend vibe from Semi-Cute. And this may sound bitchy, but I have enough friends.

In the meantime . . . there's another guy. I don't want to say too much, except I thought we really hit it off in messages, but I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. And this is bothering me more than I'd like to admit. Now, I know it's the weekend. And the holidays, where everyone is traveling and partying like crazy. AND not everyone checks their online dating accounts all the time. Not everyone is blogging about it like me and Rock.

I hate this. I hate being the whiny girl who waits.

I guess I'll poke around the site a little more.

But I'm afraid "semi" just isn't enough for me.

Do I Do(uche), by Doris

Observations from my first few days on OKCupid:

1. There are a LOT of people looking for love.

2. Some of them are really pretentious.

3. One of them deigned to IM me.

I now give you the story of Dr. Douchebag.

He liked my pics, called me hot. Haven't heard that since the days of Ex-calibur, so I went with it. Even after he gave me crap for not knowing the capital of Qatar. Yes, he's that guy.

Shoulda been my first clue.

What shoulda been my second clue is when he asked for my number AFTER I suggested we meet. Now, I engaged in a discussion (re: friendly argument over beers at our neighborhood dive bar) with Rock and his new friend 2.0 last night about this. I don't want to talk online for weeks and weeks with some dude and get my hopes up, only to meet him and find out the energy's just not there in person. I'd rather figure it out after a few emails.

In short, I wanted to meet this guy and he wanted to talk on the phone with me first.

I said fine, just give me your number and a good time to reach you. He said no, insisted we exchange numbers.

Shoulda been my third clue. You can probably see where this is going.

So it's the next day, 11 a.m. and I'm talking to my coworker. I happen to have my phone with me and it starts vibrating with the sounds of Dr. Douchebag. I could practically hear "capital of Qatar" in the brrr brrr brrr.

This would have been whatever, HAD I NOT TOLD HIM I HAVE A 9-5 JOB.

And the kicker? He didn't even leave a gotdamn message.

Done.

Except not quite.

I'm at a bar last night, gearing up to perform in a dance show, when I get another call, a voice mail, and a text message asking if I had received said voice mail.

Egged on by my fellow dancers, I responded in kind:

"Got your call and voice mail. Thanks, but I think you'd be better off with someone who knows the capital of Qatar. Because I don't, and I am totally cool with that. :)"

Instead of taking my smartass response as a hint, Dr. (Clueless) Douchebag thinks my feelings are hurt by his Big Manly Intellect and sends a looooong text message about how he thinks it's just so awesome I work where I do, and since Qatar was all over the news with the World Cup, he thought my poor little feminine brain would know the capital, and can he buy me a drink to make up for it.

Then he called again and left a voice mail AGAIN. To make sure my texts were still working, I guess.

Rock and 2.0 suggested I ignore it. My very smart roommate said that was only going to encourage Dr. Douchebag. So I sent him this:

"Got your second call and voice mail. Thanks, but this is not going to work. Please do not contact me again." Implied: or I will call the cops on your pretentious stalker ass.

Dr. Douchebag's response, not ten seconds later:

"Our loss."

UGH.

So what has formerly naive, now slightly more savvy Doris learned, boys and girls?

1. It's okay to be picky! Listening to your instincts does not make you a bitch, it makes you smart.

2. Don't give someone your number right away. Especially if they're pushing you into it.

3. There are guys out there who will NOT make fun of your lack of obscure geographical knowledge and your 9-5 office job. Some of whom, in fact, have been messaging you!

Three days in and this online thing is fun, but kind of overwhelming.

No more Dr. Douchebags, though. That skeevy ship has sailed.

A first date, by Rock

So needless to say, even though I just signed up for OKCupid two nights ago, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have a few other sticks in the fire (that's a saying, right? I'm a few drinks in.). I've been talking to guys in this city on a few other sites (Gays, I can't say enough good things about Connexion: it's like gay facebook) and even had a few dates. And I've only been back since the middle of November. I'll take my bow now.

One of the guys I had been talking to is 2.0. We're calling him 2.0 because he has the same semi-unusual first name as one of my ex-boyfriends, so I've already been referring to him as 2.0 to my friends. This is not a stretch.

After reading 2.0's profile, still 2,000 miles away in my old apartment, he was so ideal on paper that I went to bookmark him so I could say hi once I lived here and wouldn't appear crazy. Of course, I hit "add as friend" instead. Connexion doesn't confirm that you want to request someone as a friend, so I had to send him a message explaining the situation.

Someway, somehow, he was able to laugh it off and we started exchan

ging messages. It was different though than how messages usually happen on online dating sites. Nonexistent were the short little messages. Instead, when I heard from 2.0, I would get a full letter with paragraphs and salutations and the works. Granted, I would often wait a week between messages during which I had given up hope of something happening (which is fine. That's part of the deal with online dating), but when I got a message from 2.0 it was definitely a treat.

I don't know if he won me over when he told me about how he was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for his family this year or when he quoted a line from one of my favorite books as a conversation starter. All I knew was that I had to meet him.

And last night we met. We met at a bar and played board games all night. We met at 8p and left after 1a. It was a marathon of Connect 4, Scrabble, Subjective Guess Who, Yahtzee, and Uno. We traded stories of growing up. It turns out that underneath his jockish exterior, there's a dork that likes the same geeky TV shows and comic books that I do.

(I realize that Dawn is in this picture so I apologize, but Riley is in there as well so suck it and enjoy it.)

I was falling fast.

Around 11p, I had had quite a few beers and I suggested that we could either stay or he could come back to my place and watch Community (he had never seen it). He laughed and said no. It's a rule for him. I quickly explained that I only meant to watch TV (Seriously, I would have had no problem asking him back to make out or to do it if that was on my agenda. It wasn't.). But it was fine. We moved on. We stayed and played games for another two hours. I'm still a little self-conscious about the fact that I even asked, but I'm trying not to be. Clearly we were still having a good time. We were on different pages about acceptable first date behavior, but on the same page about our differences. How's that for convoluted writing?

No kiss good-bye (that's awkward in front of a cab driver), but some hand holding and plans for Friday, when by chance he's going to meet Doris.

I think I'm most proud, however, about today when instead of texting him or emailing him regarding tomorrow's plans I called him and we had a fantastically not-awkward five-minute conversation on the phone.

Trying not to get too excited, but this one seems good. I rarely have a first date that lasts so long or I enjoy so much. It was totally worth the massive hangover I've had all day.

The Capital of Qatar, by Doris

Do you know what it is?

Yeah, me neither.

Which just ASTOUNDED the dude I was IM'ing with tonight.

He also was SHOCKED I didn't remember his Very Important Job.

Dude, I joined the site last night. I've been messaging other menfolk as well.

Then again, I DID compliment this guy on the size of his ...

Bookshelf.

So I was probably asking for it.

Texts From Last Night: OKCupid Setup, by Doris

The following texts were taken from Rock and Doris' cell phones as they set up OKCupid accounts in their respective apartments.

NOTE: Doris had just come home from burlesque rehearsal, was sore as hell and just wanted to watch The Sing-Off, when she received a text from Rock.

Rock: I'm two beers in with nothing else to do tonight if you wanna make okcupid profiles.

Doris: I'm wearing flannel pajama bottoms and eating mashed potatoes. Sexiest thing EVER.

Rock: Work it girl.

Doris: Christ, I am low on pics. Oh well. Will use an okay one for now.

Rock: I can't even settle on a username.

Doris: You? Come on! You're so creative! And you're tipsy to boot! Just do "Ilikecock" and call it a day.

Rock: Haha I'm sure it's taken.

Doris: I just sent my mom an email asking for cute pics of me. I am blaming you. If she asks, you said I should have more pictures on Facebook.

Rock: I picked a name.

Doris: What was the first thing you noticed about me? (NOTE: this was a reference to one of OkCupid's 5,000,360 questions.)

Rock: That you could give me a ride. (NOTE: Rock was not of driving age when he met Doris.)

Rock: Am I skinny, average, fit or athletic?

Doris: You are fit . . . I think I'm going overboard on the "favorites."

Doris: Six things I could never do without? WTF does that mean?

Rock: That's such a weird question. I think these are all purposely vague.

Doris: If I put I'm looking for casual sex, I'm gonna get a lot of creeps. Damn you, double standards.

Rock: It's true.

Doris: I have no idea if I'm doing this right.

Doris: Am I fit, average, athletic or curvy?

Rock: You have a curvy body type but curvy makes you sound fat which you're not. I could make arguments for fit or average or curvy to be honest. Probably not curvy.

Doris: I have the same reservations about curvy. Athletic? I dunno. I have muscles and big shoulders.

Rock: Athletic makes me think no boobs and six pack.

(NOTE: Doris has boobs and no six pack.)

Doris: Dammit, I wish curvy meant what it is supposed to mean!

Rock: Fit.

Rock: Haha I don't know if anyone is going to be attracted to this profile. I kind of sound like an ass.

Doris: I was just thinking that about mine!!!

Do Rock and Doris, indeed, sound like asses? Will attractive men see through their false bravado and ask them out? Stay tuned . . .

FUN FACT: Rock was once in a commercial about texting while driving.

Thinking about Doris's goals for me, by Rock

I just messaged at least ten guys. Just quick little messages. But seriously.

Calm down, Rock. Let them come to you for a while.

The beginning of it all, by Rock

10:06p- Two beers in (for me anyway), Doris and I have decided to start our profiles on OKCupid tonight.

10:07p- I love that when I select that my orientation is gay, the slogan changes from "The Best Dating Site on Earth" to "The Best Gay Dating Site on Earth." Also, the avatar is somewhat stylish.

10:10p- The user name I really wanted is too long.

10:20p- Finally settled on something. Yes, it took ten minutes.

10:26p- OMG. It's being a tool as I try to upload pictures.

10:34p- I really don't want to say how much money I make. Not that I'm not okay with that. Just really?

10:43p- These questions are all purposely vague, which THROWS ME FOR A LOOP.

11:10p- I filled out all of the essay questions and stats. Pretty sure I come off as an asshole. Which, let's face it, is probably how I've come across on this blog so far. Also already got an email that someone gave me four or five stars on quick match.

11:18p- Answered 25 questions. Time to play some "My Best Face." Because I'm curious.

11:36p- Going through QuickMatch. Good lord, there are a lot of not attractive people looking for love.

11:49p- Sent a message. Not to the weirdo who messaged me.

12:17a- That site is addicting. Signing off for a little Netflix Streaming before bed.

What I Wish for Doris, by Rock

Doris had the bad luck of meeting a guy she could have married about 10 years before she should have. They learned a lot. They had a hard time letting go of each other. Doris needs to date, explore the field, and realize how fun it can be to go out on a date.

I hope Doris learns how to relax and assume the best is going to happen instead of preparing for the worst-case scenario. I hope she learns that there are lots of guys out there that could make her happy, and more importantly she could make happy. I hope she learns that relationships can be low-key AND long-term. Commitment doesn't always mean drama.

But I hope she dates around and gets laid a few times before she commits. She needs some “good not great” dates before the “great” dates start, if that makes sense. Hey mediocre boys! Here's your chance to get laid when you don't really deserve to!

Most of all, I hope that the guy she used to date stays with whomever he's dating for a long long time and doesn't booty-call Doris and get her off-track of wanting a little more for herself.

I lied. Most of all, I hope Doris is happy and gets the love she doesn't quite realize she deserves.

Oh I Don't Think Straight With Nothing to Prove, by Doris

So here's the part where (The) Rock and me set goals for each other.

*yoga breath*

Here goes:

Let me say first that I adore Rock.  He is my tall handsome gay.  And more than anything, from the second he told me he liked boys on the way to play rehearsal (because we are all about the cliches), I've just wanted him to be happy.

With that in mind:

I think Rock's standards are at once too low and too high.

He alluded to it in his last post, but let me tell you how I see it.

The way Rock approaches life is full speed ahead.  He wants something, by God he'll work his ass off to get it.  He was valedictorian.  He moved thousands of miles away to pursue a dream, then moved back not because he gave up, but because he wanted a different life. 

This dogged balls-to-the-wall approach (and a healthy dose of oldest-child-overachiever syndrome) is something we share, and a large part of why we've been friends so long.

I just wish he wouldn't apply it to relationships.

Rock wants to settle down.  In pursuit of this goal, he's done an awful lot of settling.  Not that it's always a bad thing: his relationships have made him who he is, and he's met some cool people.  But from what I've seen, he either settles for someone far less than he's happy with, or he settles for an unequal relationship with someone he loves with all his heart and thinks is "the one."  He's determined to make it work, dammit.

To Rock, I say this:

RELAX.

As he's admitted himself, the boy is A-OK with dating.  He's a great boyfriend.  He has no problem meeting people.  However, I want him to go with the flow at least once in the next six months.  To just have fun with a boy without trying to slap a label and/or permanence on it.  To maybe, just maybe, have a fling: something not intense and without an ultimatum or expiration date.  Not a one-night stand, but an ongoing deal where the goal is just to enjoy.

Because I have no doubt he WILL find the mythical One.

He just doesn't need to find him in the next thirty minutes.

My first real blog post since Live Journal, by Rock

About Me:

It's not hard for me to find a date. Not to sound like an asshole, but facts are facts. I'm a pretty good-looking and somewhat charming gay man in his mid-twenties in a large metropolitan area. If I want to go on a date this Saturday, I can find someone online or in a bar that will want to go out this Saturday.

Some people dread first dates; I love them. I love the excitement, the nervousness, the getting-to-know-you's, the “so what was your high school like?”s.

Yet for all the dates I go on, relationships don't happen very often. And when they do, it's often a rocky road getting there. I'm great on a first date. I'm a great boyfriend. That month or so in between where you know there's a connection but you're still getting to know someone without showing all your cards? That's pretty rough for me.

And the relationships that have happened? There's only been one where I honestly thought I could spend the rest of my life with him. Even the guy I lived with during college, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be “forever.” Rest assured that the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with completely broke my heart. But lesson learned. Don't date college students when you're looking long-term. Especially college students about to leave to study abroad for a semester.

Another thing you should know: I went to college in this wonderful city I live in, but I've spent the past three years somewhere else. Didn't really feel at home there, so now I'm back in a place that I love. I have a few friends left over from college, but I'm also in the process of building a new life and forming a new social group. So that'll be fun.

What I'm Looking For:

I think my friends would all agree I tend to date down, at least for the first few dates before I realize that I can probably do better and have to have the awkward “I think we're a good match, but not a perfect match” talk. So my goal for this experiment is to break that pattern. I want to learn how to say after the first date, “I'm flattered, but I just wasn't feeling it.” I also want to learn to be okay being rejected by this theorized “better catch” that I'm seeking. I'd rather not make it to date #2 with a 10 then make it to date #4 with an 6. That makes sense, right?

But I'm looking for someone with drive and ambition. Someone that doesn't have to be at a gay bar to have a good time, but also doesn't have a vendetta against gay bars. Someone who reads books and watches television. Someone who goes to baseball games and musicals.

I'm looking for Daddy material. I want to settle down. I want kids eventually.

I'm looking for my Amazing Race partner. Shouldn't be too hard to find, right?

NEW IN TOWN, by Doris

"How was your Thanksgiving?"  What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I'm sure I sound defensive right now.  But when you get a random text from the guy you've been seeing on and off for fourteen years, who recently DIDN'T contact you for two months until you found out via your parents and his that he has a "serious girlfriend" and your mom's more broken up about it than you are . . . well, it's kind of a gut reaction.

Me and the dude, let's call him Ex-calibur, we've never exactly been friends.  We met when we were just seventeen (him) and two days shy of sixteen (me).  At that time I was convinced no boy in the world would ever like me, and I was soooo old not to be dating.

Now I see us for the embryos we were.

Did we stay together that long (six years mostly on, eight years mostly off) because it was right, or because it was easy?  I guess I'll never know.  At any rate, I don't know if I've seen the last of Ex-calibur.  He's had serious girlfriends before, has been known to call me--drunk and sober--whenever they have a fight, and then again after the breakup.

And for a long time, that worked for me.

I'll own it.  It was friends-with-benefits in every sense of the word.  He was amazing in bed.  But he was also fun to talk to and snuggle with while watching MST3K (he'd put on the Mike eps for me even though he was strictly a Joel man).  When I lost my job four years ago, he was the first person I got ahold of.  I was there when we were younger and his parents' divorce was incredibly nasty.  We've used each other, fought tooth and nail, disagreed more often than agreed, loved, hated, you name it. 

I'm not a victim.  I was a willing participant.

In the meantime, however, I didn't really date.

While Ex-calibur was getting serially monogamous (sort of), I had various crushes that went nowhere.  Once I slept with one of Rock's friends--this is when Rock and I were living together, which made for an awkward Sunday morning.  I've dallied, made out a little bit, even tried Craigslist (nothin' too dirty).

But dating?  I've always thought it wasn't my thing.

I'm still not convinced.  Six years of being in a serious relationship, when I was very young to boot, has me thinking that I rather like flying solo.  That said, I'd like to get laid again before my thirty-fifth birthday.  And as Rock points out, it's not just the sex.  Sometimes you just want someone to watch MST3K with.

So when Rock, my best buddy of ten years--since I told him Survivor was shit, he accused me of not having a TV, and we just sort of went from there--proposed Our Grand Six Month Dating and Blogging Experiment, I was sorta game.

The very next day, I found out about Ex-calibur's dating situation.  

Now I'm really game.

It's not a revenge thing.  I wish Ex-calibur well.  Though I hope he stops texting me.

Because I want to meet some dudes (surely there are some in this big beautiful city who won't find me totally repulsive).

And for the record?  My Thanksgiving was great.