Open to Interpretation: A Date, by Doris

When my date walked into the coffee shop, he was wearing a wedding ring.

And I wasn't surprised in the least.

Let's call this guy the Russian, because despite all the hate over the second movie I still love Sex and the City, and because, well, he's Russian. I connected with the Russian way back when I first joined OKCupid (has it been a month already? Jeez). He's two years younger than I, has a myriad of interesting jobs, including a gig as a health care interpreter at a children's hospital, and like me, he always carries a notebook.

And he's in an open marriage.

Now before you say, "Doris, this is the biggest line of bullshit since Brody told Lauren that Brittany Canada Whore was just a joke," hear me out.

You should know that Dan Savage is my relationship/sex advice guru, and he should be yours too. What I've learned from my addiction to the Savage Love podcast is that, indeed, open relationships are more common in the straight community than one might think. Only because there's a societal taboo against non-monogamy, heteros don't talk about them as much as homos do. Case in point: when I told Rock and my roommate Stan (who is also gay) about the Russian's situation, they shrugged it off. However, I KNOW at least two or three of my straight friends would definitely not approve. Also my parents.

What Dan tells America is that if you date someone in an open relationship, you can tell they're for real if they talk about it. They'll not only answer your questions, they'll welcome them, because it's a necessary conversation. If, on the other hand, they don't want to talk about it, are very vague, or say "my wife doesn't know about it," well, that's not a real open relationship.

The Russian's profile mentions his situation first thing. It links to a Dan Savage video about non-monogamy. It also links to his wife's profile. She seems pretty cool.

And mind you, I didn't first contact the Russian because of the open marriage. Yes, I found it intriguing, especially since I'm trying for new experiences right now. However, it was just another interesting characteristic, like the notebook thing.

So the Russian and I talked for a few weeks. He asked me to coffee. And we talked. Boy, did we talk.

I usually don't bring this up at first, but I told him about Excalibur. Not any gory details, just that I'd been with the same guy on and off for fourteen years, and I'm 30, so you do the math. Which is why I'm seeking different types of dating and relationships. It fit right into the conversation, and the questions I had regarding his own marriage.

Did I mention he's really, really cute? Oh yeah.

So we drank our tea, we took a walk, and then I left because I had "plans with my friends." He asked me out again. I was very happy about this.

This was Thursday night. It's now Saturday and I've heard zilch.

Not sure if I should write this off yet or not. I mean, do guys really ask out someone again just to be nice? And this wasn't just "we should hang out again." This was, specifically, "when are you free?" Of course, he has to check with his wife and see what they've got going on. My question is: how long's it take to check?

Maybe he was bullshitting me all along. Maybe he made this whole thing up. I mean, I've seen Catfish. It's crazy what people lie about online. It's also possible that his wife has decided against the whole open relationship thing.

Or it's possible that, to quote Sex and the City again, he's just not that into me. (No matter what you think about SATC or the franchise that ensued from that one line, you have to admit it's a pretty great concept.)

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. Yes, he was kind of pretentious, but I'd rather date a pretentious guy than a dumb guy because at least with the former I can have a conversation. And the open marriage thing, quite frankly, appealed to me. Not just for the curiosity factor, but the fact is, I don't want to get emotionally involved with anyone right now. Here, I could have a fun experience but it would be physically impossible to get serious (that's one of the ground rules of the Russian's marriage: as of now, they're not pursuing anyone seriously. It's kind of a baby step into full-on polyamory).

And yeah, he was really, really cute and I have a sex drive. Sue me.

Whatever. We'll see. If nothing else, it was a really fun and educational first date! Definitely cooler than the practice dud that was Rivers-a-like.

And besides, I have another date in four hours.

P.S. Does anyone miss Rock's savvy commentary on Tales from the Going Steady Frontline? I do! Rock, my darling, where are you?