Should I Stay Or Should I Go?, by Doris

So remember The Hair, the guy I very briefly talked about before I immediately jumped into stressing about my attraction to my friend's ex-boyfriend?

Me neither.

The reason I didn't talk about the date that much is because, really, there wasn't much to talk about. We met up for coffee, had a nice conversation, hugged good-bye. He said he'd like to hang out again, I said sure. It wasn't until four or five days later I realized I hadn't heard from the guy.

Four or five days.

At that point I barely remembered I had a date with him. So it was probably better he didn't follow up, right?

That's what I thought, and then I heard from him again. Apparently he got pretty sick right after our date (don't know whether I believe that, don't really care. At least he acknowledged he hadn't contacted me). He apologized, wants to get together again.

What do I do, you guys?

Yes, there's one other guy I'm messaging with who I think has potential, but other than that the dudes aren't exactly banging down my door a la Rock. I've done some messaging here and there, but haven't heard back from most of the guys. I'm going to try to put in some more time on OKCupid this weekend.

In other words, I don't want to be TOO picky. And it's true, this guy was a lot easier to talk to than Straight Anthony Rapp, so I don't think a second date would be nearly as awkward. It's just...meh. I'm not excited, and aren't you supposed to be a little excited this early in the game? Then again, I don't want to miss out on anything.

Thoughts?

Oh Happy Day, by Doris

After four months on OKCupid, I have to say, I'm discouraged by what I see.

I mean, really. Married dudes who pull disappearing acts! Rent-star look-alikes with funny voices and awkward demeanors! Hipsters upon hipsters upon hipsters, some of whom wear purple pants!

That's not to say my offline life's any better. I mean, I've got ex run-ins in the supermarket parking lot, good on paper platonic pals, and crushes on friends' former lovers!

Between walled-up preppies, dudes who text mid-date, and faux Spaniards, Rock's fed up too.

So we made it official.

Last night, Rock and Doris flew to Vegas and got married.

To each other.

We will enjoy a long sexless life of brunches, showtunes, white wine and well-decorated apartments.

Cue the Mendelsohn!

Halfway Point: Worrying and Learning by Doris

When Rock and I agreed to start No Way, Cupid, I suggested we step back and evaluate three months into the six-month experiment. Granted, it's been a little more than three months, but self-analysis is never a bad thing, right?

Three months in, I am really, really trying to keep an open mind. For me, that is sometimes hard. Not that I'm a prejudiced person or anything, but I've been called "stubborn," "bullheaded" and the like more often than #winning has been trended on Twitter (by the way, we have a Twitter account. You should follow us!). I maintain that if I were a guy, my, um, strong personality would be less of an issue. However, I'm not only a girl but a girly-girl who likes to wear dresses and paint my nails. When I open my mouth, people are often in for a shock.

Before No Way, Cupid, I thought Ex-calibur and I were meant to be. I didn't always admit it, but deep in my heart I figured we would be together eventually. Now I know that will probably not happen. Believe me, for that realization alone this experiment has been worth it.

Back to the open-minded issue: I get worried I'm too picky.

I mean, I basically canceled a date Thursday night. My date Saturday canceled on me, but I'd kind of written him off anyway, so I was more relieved than anything else. Since I signed up on okcupid, I've rejected those who message me more often than not (sounds harsher than it actually is. By "rejected," I mean I don't message them back. I'm not mean or anything).

And cancellations aside, I enjoy being alone. If I am going to give up what little spare time I have, even for a coffee date, I need to at least like you a bit.

Then I worry I'm not picky enough. Neither guy I was going to go out with this week were real winners. I almost messaged a guy back last night (more about that later), but then I realized there were several factors that I could tolerate for a few dates, but would present big problems sooner or later.

I worry a lot. Can you tell?

But I think about the Russian, who I really did like even though he had a lot of faults and didn't end things well (or at all). I liked Straight Anthony Rapp and Rivers-a-like, the energy just wasn't there for me. So this gives me hope. I've just had a run of crappy luck lately, which if my online dating-veteran friends are to be believed, happens from time to time.

Here's the biggest thing I've learned so far, though:

I want a little bit more than casual sex.

I still don't want to get married. I still don't want kids. I still don't even want a relationship where someone's in my face, bed and life every day of the week. On the other side of the coin, I still don't have a problem with booty calls or one-night stands.

However, I'd like sex and spending time together out of bed to go hand in hand. I'd like a guy who doesn't use me and disappear (even if we are using each other). I'd like a give-and-take, even if it only lasts a few weeks. I'd like closure if and when the relationship ends.

Yes, I just used the word "relationship." Rock and I have had endless arguments about this word. Previously, I hated it because for me it connoted whining and angst and more work than play.

Now, I get it. The word can mean many things.

And a relationship, on my terms?

I wouldn't be opposed.

LEARNING.

Second Date Snooze, by Doris

You know you shouldn't go on a second date when:

1. You've had to reschedule it twice and every time you postpone, rather than sighing at the complexities of life, breathe a sigh of relief.

2. You consider rescheduling it a third time but don't want to be an asshole.

3. You consider canceling altogether. Up until half an hour before you're scheduled to meet.

4. You would really just rather poke around the bookstore. Alone.

5. When he calls to tell you he's arrived--a courtesy that shouldn't be an annoyance--you groan, "ugh, not again."

And so goes my second go-round with Straight Anthony Rapp.

While on a trip with my family, my sister encouraged me to give him another chance because "it's a second date, you're still figuring things out." And he'd asked me, so why not? We made plans to meet several days after I returned from vacation.

Then I got sick. We rescheduled.

Then my schedule got too full. We rescheduled again.

Then I realized I really didn't want a second date with this guy.

If I were a nicer person and had nicer feelings, I would like him. He's smart. He's in graduate school on a career track he's passionate about. He's cute. We like a lot of the same stuff.

I'm just not feeling it.

If I were a smarter person, I would have sent a gracious text message or perhaps made a phone call saying he's a great guy, but I don't think it's meant to be. Instead, I felt this would make me a jerk. Possibly I was afraid of what he'd say or not say.

So instead, I met up with him and right off said I had a deadline so I couldn't stay out too terribly long. (I did have a deadline. It just wasn't for several days.)

"Oh, I get it," he responded with an edge in his voice.

"Um, sorry?" I ventured timidly. We were walking down the street so I couldn't see his face and I didn't know if he was kidding. And as horrible as this is, I was kind of hoping he was being a jerk so I'd have an excuse to end it right there.

He started laughing. "I'm teasing. That's what I do with people I know well."
Except you don't know me well, I wanted to say. You don't know me well at all.

We proceeded to a tea shop, which was totally crowded with people studying and getting their Sunday evening ya-yas out (well, as much as you can get your ya-yas out in a tea shop). Basically, there was only one stool, which Straight Anthony Rapp graciously let me have while he stood and we made conversation over tea while trying not to upset the precariously balanced laptop next to us. He asked questions that sounded like they came out of a First Date 101 handbook and the conversation didn't flow at all.

He is awkward. So horribly, horribly awkward.

I'm not sure if it's an age thing, a graduate school thing, or another thing altogether. He's 25 and may not have grown into himself just yet. Granted, Rock is 25 too, but Rock is also a freak of nature. I kind of wonder if it's due to grad school, which I know firsthand turns otherwise intelligent, articulate people into stammering bastions of social awkwardness when faced with a non-classroom situation. Or it could just be his personality and he'll have it forever.

(And as I mentioned in my first Straight Anthony Rapp post, there's that annoying, annoying voice. We were talking about The King's Speech, and he mentioned that he himself had a speech impediment that he was coached out of. I don't think his therapist did a good job.)

Whatever it is, I don't want to wait around for him to grow out of it or fix it.

We got out of there, but not as fast as I would like, and parted ways. Thankfully, he didn't try to kiss me. I've never been good at hiding my feelings, and though I really did my best, I'm sure he picked up on my lack of enthusiasm.

I haven't heard from him since.

I'm sorry, Straight Anthony Rapp. There should have never been a second date in the first place.

So what has Doris learned, boys and girls?

If after date one, I'm not hankering to see you again, at least a little, NEXT!

Oh, and dude needs a good voice.

I'm Alive!, by Doris

Thanks to Rock for holding down the fort in my absence. As he stated in his last post, I was on a super-awesome vacation with my fam. I'm at the point in my life where for the most part I get along really well with my parents because, well, we're all adults and they're not trying to tell me what to do anymore. My sibs and I have always been really close. So a good time was had by all.

Mostly.

The bad news is, I was sick for the entire vacation. What I thought was a head cold only got progressively worse as the trip went on, resulted in a doctor's appointment the day after I got back, and still hasn't gone away (though now I have antibiotics and a get out of work free pass, thanks Doc!).

The good news is as follows:
1) Though I didn't stay out as late as my night-owl self would have normally, and I only got drunk once, on the last night of the trip, I managed to pull it together and have a ton of fun. (This also eliminated any chances of making out, because I'm not that mean.)

2) Said drunk last night of the trip was partly due to TWO MEN BUYING ME A DRINK! As in, the cocktail waitress came over and said, "the gentlemen on the right want to know if you'd like anything else." I stared at her openmouthed for about ten seconds before blurting my cocktail of choice. Not to sound naive, but I'm 30 years old and this is the first time anyone's ever wanted to send me a drink. WOOHOO!

I talked to the dudes and they were two very nice non-sleazy guys from Ohio. Coincidentally, my last crush who's now a good friend also hails from the Buckeye State. You go Ohio!

3) Through my coughing and snotty haze, I texted the Russian, who wants to see me again. We're in the midst of scheduling as he most likely has to check with his wife.

4) Straight Anthony Rapp of the annoying voice wants to go out again too! Eh, what the hell? If I'm still turned off after this one, I'm done, but a second date never hurt anyone.

5) While prostrate on the couch last night, I popped in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, which I received for Christmas. Though it gets a little long toward the end, I was reminded of how much I like the overall concept. You see, even I have more than one evil ex if we're going by Ramona Flowers standards. (Mine are all boys, FYI.)

And it's funny Rock was just talking about evil exes.

Why is that funny?

Stay tuned . . .

Second Chance/First Impression: A Date, by Doris

Am I too picky?

Three dates into this little six-month experiment and I'm already asking this question. After all, my first impressions of others haven't always been favorable. I remember seeing Excalibur walking into play practice late and thinking he was a slacker. Rock first struck me as a dork who liked Survivor. The night I met my roommate Stan, who's become one of my closest friends, I'd just received some fairly devastating news, so I was very distracted and I can't even tell you what I thought.

Thankfully, I gave all of the above dudes a second chance and got some great relationships out of it.

And I'm wondering if I should extend the same courtesy to last night's date, Straight Anthony Rapp.

Like the Russian, I first connected with SAR about a month ago. I liked his profile on OKC and his pictures made him look like, well, a straighter version of Anthony Rapp, who I've always found really adorable. We started sending long emails and clicked right away on so many things: food, movies, growing up in roughly the same geographic area. We didn't meet before now for various reasons: not just the standard holiday busy-ness, but the fact that he is in grad school and had finals.

Finally, we found a night that worked for both of us and decided to go out for tea. (Fun fact: two of the three OKC guys I have dated are all into tea. Not sure what that says about them, me, or OKC. But whatever. I like tea too.)

Now, it's important to note that SAR gave me his phone number about a week ago. Though I texted him--and he texted back in complete sentences, earning him MANY points--I never actually called, for a couple reasons. One, this was a busy week for me and I didn't want to call too late, because with a new person you don't really know their schedule.

And two, I don't really like to talk on the phone. I call my parents once a week, as has been our tradition since I started college. When Rock moved away for three years, we talked practically every day. But in both these cases, I have established relationships and am using the phone to keep in touch. My friends in the city, people I don't know so well, I'm more of a Facebook/email/texting kinda gal.

So when I got a call from SAR, saying he'd arrived a few minutes early at our designated meeting point, is where my issues began.

You see, he has a weird voice.

I have a thing about accents. Like any red-blooded American girl, I really dig many accents and think they're sexy. However, certain accents turn me off. There's a reason: a certain authority figure in my life had a really heavy accent from a certain region. Anything that remotely sounds like this individual automatically stresses me out. It's like Pavlov's dog minus the drooling and plus high blood pressure and hives.

Does this make me racist? I hope not.

SAR's voice...I can't quite place it. He's lived abroad extensively, so I think it might be a muddle of different Euro dialects. He's also in grad school, and sorry to generalize, but sometimes grad students talk differently. They're so in their heads that their verbalization isn't like the average bear's. (And keep in mind, I have been a grad student, so I know of which I speak.)

Having been a performer, and having spent part of my childhood around radio people, I have a thing about voices. My last crush--who became a good pal--has a lovely basso profundo. When I was a temp and answering phones at a lush downtown corporate office, I was offered a job on the spot with another lush downtown corporate office, on the sole basis of my "Company X, how may I help you?" I'm not kidding.

So I'm not sure I can get past the voice.

And part of me wants to. SAR is adorable. He's traveled a lot but isn't pretentious about it (o hai, Russian). He's a city boy but "was raised to be a mountain man," meaning he can do carpentry and paint. He's in grad school, and I admire anyone who chooses to further their education.

And he can cook! I've always wanted to date someone who can cook.

One of the things I'm really liking about OKCupid, and online dating in general I guess, is that it practically guarantees good conversation, because you already know what your date is into. Even when I'm not feeling much chemistry, we can chat about movies, bands, books, et cetera. And I love to talk.

This date was no exception. The only thing that flowed better than our words was the green tea through my very small bladder.

Oh, and soon after we parted ways, I received a very nice text from SAR.

So do I give him another chance or not?

Here's the solution I've come to: if he asks me out again, I'm down. If not, I'm not pursuing it.

Am I doing the right thing here? Should I give him a second chance to make a first impression?

Or am I being too picky?