After four months on OKCupid, I have to say, I'm discouraged by what I see.
I mean, really. Married dudes who pull disappearing acts! Rent-star look-alikes with funny voices and awkward demeanors! Hipsters upon hipsters upon hipsters, some of whom wear purple pants!
That's not to say my offline life's any better. I mean, I've got ex run-ins in the supermarket parking lot, good on paper platonic pals, and crushes on friends' former lovers!
Between walled-up preppies, dudes who text mid-date, and faux Spaniards, Rock's fed up too.
So we made it official.
Last night, Rock and Doris flew to Vegas and got married.
To each other.
We will enjoy a long sexless life of brunches, showtunes, white wine and well-decorated apartments.
Cue the Mendelsohn!
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